Quiz: Are You Shopping With Your Family At IKEA, Or Are You Jack Torrance In The Shining?
1. You feel compelled to spend an excessive amount of time with your wife and son at this enormous, bewildering building which has a dark, twisted history of tearing families apart.
2. You just assumed you’d make it out alive.
3. You walk in and realize there are so many bedrooms — each one fully furnished with nightstands, cabinets, closets, lamps, chairs, wall art, and fluffy pillows.
4. Upon further exploration, you come across numerous lounges, dining rooms, and an expansive kitchen area too.
5. You quickly get comfortable and start hanging out as if you’re in your own home.
6. As time passes, more and more people show up and you realize this place is way more crowded than you expected.
7. To make matters worse, the bloody elevators are always overflowing.
8. Amidst the chaos, your son wanders off on his own and encounters other unfortunate children who were doomed to come here by their parents.
9. The place starts getting the best of you, and you eventually have several outbursts and disagreements with your wife.
10. It’s clear you both have different visions, and it’s starting to drive you nuts.
11. This results in a heated, dramatic face-off during which your wife knocks you unconscious with a baseball bat, hides in a bathroom with your son, and tries to escape from the window just as you show up and start maniacally chopping down the door with an axe.
12. The hostilities carry on throughout numerous floors of carefully staged, mass-produced furniture.
13. Amidst the hysteria, you lose track of your family and get lost in one hell of a maze.
14. Your family gets out first and quickly drives away because they’ve had enough of your madness.
15. You spend the next few moments having flashbacks of kissing a dead woman in room 237, hanging out with a bunch of ghosts in the Gold Room, obsessively writing your latest novel “All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy,” and speaking to the ghost of Delbert Grady about how he chopped up his wife and daughters at this very location and then blew his brains out. Then you wander aimlessly through the hedge maze you got trapped in and freeze to death in the snow.
16. Now that your family’s gone, you decide to purchase the KOLBJÖRN cabinet your wife told you not to buy because “you’d just build it backwards like last time,” and then head to the cafeteria to enjoy some meatballs in peace.
Answer key:
1–10, 12–14: Both
11, 15: You’re Jack Torrance in The Shining
16: You’re shopping at IKEA
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