Quick Exercise When Dealing With Getting Over an Ex

Take two minutes to try this activity.

I have been dealing with the same fucking breakup since June 2020.

That was over 7 months ago. I’m the girl who gets over multiple year-long relationships within hours. This is unlike me. It’s unnerving. Homeboy got under my skin. We ended things on good terms, which is a first for me. And we had a massive conversation last week, in person, which I knew would leave me reeling.

It was the risk I took seeing him and now I’m stewing in the emotional consequences.

Jon has also thrown little scraps my way every so often, enough to make an impossible task even harder when trying to get over him. It’s been so long that even I’m annoyed with how much I write about this on Medium.

I came across a video online that unfortunately, I can no longer find so I can’t give credit to the owner. The gist was to try this exercise when struggling to get over an ex. Since I’ve got all the damn time in the world thanks to Covid, and because I’m a huge proponent of introspection, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try.

If you’re struggling to let go of someone, give this exercise a whirl. It might not help you get over your ex but it might help you learn a little more about yourself.

Grab a pen and paper. Keyboard and screen. Whatever. Get ready to write.

Write out the list of all the things you love about your ex. What are all the traits that make you adore them and make them super special in your eyes? What is it that makes that person so unique?

When I did the list for Jon, off the bat I wrote out fourteen things (none of which I will list here because if he decides to renew his Medium account and stumble across this, I don’t feel like letting him know the things I adore about him from an online article).

The downside to this is that you’ll find your brain daydreaming and wandering to past memories, which is a mental clusterfuck of an activity. I stopped at fourteen because I didn’t want to start missing him even more.

If necessary, take a breather. Then revisit the list. I used a different colored pen for this to highlight the difference.

Circle all the traits you wrote that describe you.

It probably wasn’t a lot, was it? In my case, I circled 3. And really, I stretched with that number. If could, I’d say 2.5.

All of those other traits are things you wish you were. If you want to work getting over the breakup, work on becoming some of those admirable characteristics yourself.

Some traits are inherent to people; nature vs. nurture and all that. One characteristic I had on the list for Jon was “magnetic”. How the fuck do I become magnetic? Either you’ve got it or you don’t.

However, I get the spirit of the exercise. If these are qualities you miss about your ex, then you can still reap the benefits of them by working on obtaining those traits yourself.

I knew before I wrote the list that it would have many unique qualities. In the past, I wouldn’t even have this many positive traits for my exes written out. Is that what makes it hurt so much more? That Jon is unlike all the others that I’ve met? In a weird way, this validated why I fell so damn hard for him. At least he wasn’t a cookie-cutter of my exes.

There are a few items on the list that I’m already focusing on as part of being a work in progress for myself. The other traits were eye-opening.

It was a worthwhile exercise. Compared to the past, I’m open to trying activities that lead to more self-awareness (both good and bad). Sometimes, these exercises open a Pandora’s Box of shower thoughts and revelations.

Writing out the list of traits you love about your ex is a great activity to have in your breakup arsenal.

I can use all the help that I can get.