COOL MAFIA BOSS VIBES
Questions Before Buying Your First Gigayacht
Do I have to dress like someone who owns a gigayacht all the time?
Do I have to be a zillionaire before buying a gigayacht? Or does being a quintillionaire work, too?
Do I have to pay any extra tax for bragging about my gigayacht to my poor friends, family, and more importantly, jealous rival zillionaires? If so, who do I pay the extra bragging tax to?
If I pay the extra bragging tax, is there still a limit to bragging? If there is a limit, I can pay extra extra tax. Not bragging here.
Can I brag about paying extra extra bragging tax to the authorities while paying my bragging tax?
Do I have to pay a transport fee to get my gigayacht from the shipyard back to my house? You’d think it would be super simple to transport your gigayacht wherever you want, but it’s not.
How important is it to give the coolest name possible to my gigayacht? Can I please name my gigayacht Srini #1 even if it means I have to pay an extra bragging naming fee?
Am I legally allowed to hire someone to clean my gigayacht after I party with my super-rich friends every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday? Obviously, there will not be any blood onboard to clean. What am I, Dexter Morgan? If you do see blood, it’s probably wine. Super expensive Red wine from the party.
If, God forbid, there is some real red blood found onboard out of the blue, do I have to pay extra to make that go away?
Is there any extra fee to the Coast Guard for partying late night/early dawn and blasting my 14-inch high-quality marine speakers?
Am I legally allowed to invite the Coast Guard to party with me instead of paying him the extra fee for parting late night/early dawn?
How many days after buying my first awesome gigayacht, will I be eligible to buy my second awesome gigayacht?
Who has the hottest Coast Guard hotties in the country right now and where can I find them?
Do I have to dress like someone who owns a gigayacht all the time? Or only when I’m on the gigayacht? How about when I’m just pretending to be on the gigayacht?
Can I wear a black life jacket onboard instead of orange if I pay extra cash? Black gives me the cool mafia boss vibes.
Can I wear a Captain’s hat all the time so the Coast Guard doesn’t think I’m a serial killer when they find real red blood onboard? You’d think it’s super easy to wear a Captain’s hat all the time, but it’s not.
Do I have to be friends on Facebook with the members of the yachting community or I can just delete the friend request and pretend like I never received their request in the first place when they confront me?
Can I fill my gigayacht’s swimming pool with Acqua di Cristallo Tributo a Modigliani, the most expensive water in the world without paying any extra water tax?
What is the maximum number of times my gigayacht can hit sharks without getting penalized?
Can I invite my therapist to do a session with me onboard whenever I hit sharks and then ask them to party with me?
Am I legally allowed to invite the sharks that I don’t hit to party with me?
Can I invite the sharks that I almost hit to the therapy to talk about their trauma?
If the Coast Guard sees real red blood onboard, what will be their first thought? Human blood or shark blood or super expensive red wine? It’s the thought that counts, right?
Am I a zillionaire yet or not?
Wouldn’t you rather be laughing? Follow MuddyUm and Srini
A special thanks to the super zillionaire T. Kent Jones for agreeing to edit this even though he was in the middle of a party on his supergigayacht.
If you’re already on your way to buying your first gigayacht, go buy it first and THEN come back here to read one of the below — from your yacht — to thank me:
