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Abstract
ype="7">I deserve to put myself first.</p><h1 id="5b8e">3. It’s a marathon, not a race</h1><p id="9bc6">In the early days of reclaiming my voice, I had so many realizations of where I was being a doormat that it was tempting to try to correct it all overnight.</p><p id="c642">The reality is that these things take time. If someone has crossed one of your boundaries for months or years, <b>it won’t suddenly unravel overnight.</b></p><p id="757c">I like to think of these things as icebergs. You need to chip away at them until the problem one day just melts away. For example:</p><blockquote id="290b"><p>I used to have a really hard time with saying no to an invite. I didn’t want to disappoint the other person. In the beginning, every no I made felt MASSIVE. So I started with the smaller invites with acquaintances and worked my way up to bigger invites with close loved ones.</p></blockquote><blockquote id="9c27"><p>Nowadays, I generally have zero issue expressing that I’m going to pass on an invite.</p></blockquote><h1 id="930e">4. You don’t have to prove anything</h1><p id="ebcd">This is a hard habit to break. Justification.</p><p id="6a7b">I always felt like I had to prove why my boundary was important. I had to give a well-thought-out excuse to decline an invite. I had to provide my laundry list of reasons to get out of doing something I didn’t want to.</p><p id="2008" type="7">You are important. You matter. Your voice, preferences and desires deserve to be heard.</p><p id="bc34">You don’t need to prove your worthiness to anyone. It’s inherent in you.</p><p id="de83"><b>I know this is easier said than done.</b> I especially know it because I spent <i>decades </i>being a doormat who didn’t feel worthy. I tried to do everything perfectly for everyone else to try to prove I was good enough.</p><p id="4a59" type="7">You are enough.</p><h1 id="3213">5. Practice makes perfect</h1><p id="1bae">The internal work is the most important: <b>recognizing your worthiness and that you are enough.</b></p><p id="25cb">As you do this, it will become easier to express what’s important to you.</p><p id="f5d5">To make it practical though, here are my three steps for how to actually express your boundary:</p><p id="dfac"><b>1 Set the stage</b> — give the other person a heads up that you want to discuss what’s going on. It’s best to find the right time, place and mood for this.</p><blockquote id="2d95"><p>“Hey, I want to talk to you about something that happened earlier.”</p></blockquote><p id="9d80"><b>2 Meet halfway</b> —people tend to listen better when they feel they are heard. Before you jump into what’s important to you, lend some understanding to what’s happening for the other person.</p><blockquote id="ef14"><p>“I know you probably feel stressed and overwhelmed right now. I think that’s why you asked me to do ______.” OR “I think that’s why you said ________.”</p></blockquote><p id="bac6">3 <b>Your turn</b> — this is the part where you get to talk about what’s important to you. What was the boundary that was crossed? What do you want to happen differently next time?</p><blockquote id="714e"><p>“Next time, it’s really important to me that we take the time to talk about what needs to happen. It’s not fair for you to yell at me to get it d
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one.”</p></blockquote><h1 id="0524">Final Thoughts</h1><p id="e212">You will make the world a better place by expressing your boundaries.</p><p id="1fab"><b>Why?</b> Because by telling others what’s important to you, you step into your worthiness. You remember that <b>you matter</b> and <b>you are enough</b>.</p><p id="57ea">The more that everyone in the world believes that they are worthy, the better off we will be as a human race.</p><p id="3a3b">With love,
Megan</p><p id="e3d0"><i>Are you a woman craving support from other women? I just launched a <b>Free Women’s Circle</b> every other Wednesday virtually on Zoom. Come join us:</i></p><div id="e2f0" class="link-block">
<a href="https://yourmoderncoach.com/circle">
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<h2>Join our Free Women’s Circle — Megan Llorente | Your Modern Coach</h2>
<div><h3>Feeling overwhelmed or discouraged? Come and share your challenges with other like-minded, down-to-earth and real…</h3></div>
<div><p>yourmoderncoach.com</p></div>
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</div><p id="4a3e"><i>Other stories of mine:</i></p><div id="60c3" class="link-block">
<a href="https://readmedium.com/damnit-i-am-too-sensitive-how-about-you-9d5e467edb2b">
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<h2>Damnit, I AM Too Sensitive… How About You?</h2>
<div><h3>Taking feedback is hard</h3></div>
<div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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<a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-speak-your-truth-like-a-badass-b-tch-8f46c20bf365">
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<h2>How to Speak Your Truth Like a Badass B*tch</h2>
<div><h3>It’s time to step into who you truly are</h3></div>
<div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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</div><p id="149d"><i>Support my writing journey:</i></p><div id="687b" class="link-block">
<a href="https://meganllorente.medium.com/membership">
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<h2>Join Medium with my referral link — Megan Llorente</h2>
<div><h3>As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…</h3></div>
<div><p>meganllorente.medium.com</p></div>
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