Putting Myself First Is Not Selfish

I have decided to take care of myself first from now on.

I am always there for everyone else. I am the one people can depend on, ask for help, and vent their feelings to whenever needed. For too long, I have put other’s needs in front of my own, even subconsciously, and this hasn’t served me well. In fact, putting myself second has increased my anxiety and depression and led me to lower my self worth.

Too many times I have rushed out to pick someone up when needed, or lent money to a friend, or just been a sounding board for someone else’s problems. It’s tiring to always be the dependable one. It’s depressing to place my wants and desires on the back burner and constantly serve others.

I can trace this back to childhood, being raised catholic and taught to put other’s needs before my own, to be kind, generous, and helpful. I was brought up with the belief that sacrifice was a good thing, and that it would all come back to me eventually. The problem is, it never seems to come back, which is now causing resentment and anger. Putting others first and ignoring my needs has darkened my own path to a happy life.

It’s time I put myself in first place, to start taking care of my needs, wants and dreams. It’s my life, I need to begin focusing on my own journey instead of worrying about everyone else’s. I need to stop making sure everyone that surrounds me is OK and taken care of.

Putting myself first is not arrogant or selfish

In our society, it’s often viewed as arrogant and selfish to put your needs in front of others. There is a common view that you are a horrible person if you say no to someone in need, or don’t bend over backwards to help a friend. The world view is that in order to be a good person, you serve others first.

I have been the one to help out, lend an ear, or money, or get someone out of a jam, only to have it repaid with another request a few weeks later. They know who they can count on, and who can’t ever say no, it’s me.

Just the fact that I think putting myself first is selfish proves that I am not being selfish at all. Selfish people don’t think twice about it, they just go ahead with no second thoughts. Having the worry that my act is selfish or arrogant shows that I am already thinking of others before myself. The fact that I have so much concern of what others think is a bad habit that needs to be broken.

I have concluded that I am not being selfish, arrogant, or self-centered by turning the focus to my own needs. I have neglected my needs for too long.

What is the point of living if you aren’t fulfilling your own wants, needs, goals, desires and happiness.

I am not here for anyone else but myself. Sorry, not sorry.

Re-evaluating my relationships

It took some time for me to realize that I needed to re-evaluate my relationships with many of the people in my life. A certain part of me always feels a desire to be needed in order to form a relationship with someone. I always feel there needs to be a reason that they want to be my friend. I have to be useful and helpful to them in some way.

This is not true, the only reason someone should be around you, or want to be around you, is you. That’s all. A relationship shouldn’t be formed over the premise that one person can gain something from it, or that you can be their go to guy, it should be a genuine, real relationship.

There shouldn’t be an underlying reason for friendship.

Yes, doing favors and helping out comes with a close relationship, but shouldn’t be the sole reason for the relationship. If they are, it should be time to severe ties.

I have taken a step back and looked at all the relationships in my life, and I am starting to distance myself from the more dependent ones. It’s funny once you stop texting or reaching out to someone, how you realize so fast that you were the one putting in all the effort.

I seem to always be the one reaching out, calling, texting, and checking in. I have found that a lot of my friends only called or texted when they needed something.

So, I have decided to stop reaching out, those that really know my worth and are true friends will keep in touch.

My Self-Worth was too low

One of the major reasons that I fell into the trap of always putting myself last was because I had extremely low self-worth. My self-worth had dropped so low that I didn’t feel like I deserved anything, let alone happiness or to follow my own dreams.

With a low self-worth, I always felt totally spent, like every ounce of me was spent doing for others and not caring for myself. I am the one that would help someone else tirelessly chase their dream, support them, be their cheerleader, but I wouldn’t do it for myself, I wasn’t worth the time and effort.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized I need to follow my own dreams and passions. What else is there to live for? If you aren’t following a goal or dream, or chasing a passion than what are you living for?

I have always used the excuse that I was too busy, or that I had something else going on, so everything got put aside. Not anymore.

Knowing my why

A huge reason I put others before myself is because I had no clue what I wanted out of life. I didn’t know what made me happy, I didn’t know where I was headed or where I wanted to end up. Not knowing the reason I lived led me to only serve others, my needs didn’t matter because I wasn’t going anywhere anyways, I had no direction.

I sat down and made a list of things that I enjoyed, things that brought happiness to me. This list was longer than I expected. Once I made my list, I realized I really wasn’t doing any of them, which explained my poor outlook on life and my unhappiness. I have since started to chip away at my list and do the things that “fill my cup” so to say.

I have huge creative inclination, so I have started to write, draw, paint and play music. Anything creative truly makes me happy and fills my soul. Time that was once spent working, or zoning out in front of the TV is now spent doing something I love.

This has served as a tremendous form of self-care. Doing these things centers me, forces me to be mindful, and is helping me to create more goals and dreams to chase.

Just making a few changes and starting to follow some of my passions has already opened doors for me and is leading me to seek happiness for myself.

As amazingly obvious as it is, I have paid more attention to what makes me happy, and wouldn’t you guess it, I am becoming happier day by day.

Learn to say no

Learning to say no was a giant step for me. Sure, at first it felt bad, It made me feel like I was letting everyone down. But over time, the more I practiced the art of saying no, the better I felt, the more free time I had and the less obligated and guilty I felt.

And for those in my life that got too offended when I said no, I realized that they were really just in my life to use me, which is why they were so offended when rejected.

Of course I don’t say no to everything, all the time, but now that I have my priorities in order I put more thought into what I say yes to.

There really is an artform to saying no, you need to develop this skill in order to break free from the chains of servitude. I am slowly learning this art and it feels good to serve myself more often than others.

I Practice Self-Care more often

Self-Care is often overshadowed and scuttled aside. We live busy lives, our days are full and at the end of the day we often just want to veg out in front of the TV, or just eat dinner and go to sleep.

The practice of self-care is invaluable. It has served me well since I started turning my focus to myself. I am making sure I am OK first.

Everyone has their own form of self-care, but mostly it consists of finding things that you enjoy each day. Find activities that bring joy to your heart. Find things to do that center your soul, help you stay mindful and grateful. It could be a short meditation, journaling, yoga, running, or going to the gym. The list is endless and it all depends on the person, the point is, do something that makes you happy.

Each day I try to do something that makes me happy. It could be writing a new story, drawing, painting, learning a new song on the piano, or reading a book.

This time I give myself makes me feel better about my day, and even more importantly, it makes my feel better about my future days.

Finally, I have reached the point in my life where I will start putting myself before others. This is not to say that I don’t still have compassion, empathy and show kindness to my fellow man. I do, I just make sure that I am showing myself love first, before others.

Showing yourself love before others is not a selfish or arrogant act. It’s the way life really should be, and there is nothing wrong with that, at all.

Care for yourself first and foremost, no one else can do it for you.