Putin got Zilch and Xi took him to the Cleaners.
So now we have our first and possibly only press announcement from The joint meeting between China and Russia. As I predicted earlier it was a huge nothing burger for Russia. I’ll go through dull point by empty point with the respective leaders, their statements in italics, my spicy hot takes in bold!
Russian President Vladimir Putin:
The talks were successful and constructive. Relations between the two countries are at the highest level in history. Ok, nothing here. Many provisions of the Chinese peace plan can be taken as the basis for a settlement in Ukraine, when the West and Kyiv are ready for it. The first point in China’s guidelines calls for respecting international borders, not exactly the endorsement Russia was hoping for. Plans for the supply of depleted uranium shells to Kyiv say that the West has decided to fight the Russian Federation to the last Ukrainian "not in words, but in deeds." okay, this has nothing to do with anything. My ears are ringing from the sound of red lines flying right by us. On most international issues, the positions of the Russian Federation and China are close or coincide. More empty sweet nothings for the cameras. All agreements with Mongolia on the "Power of Siberia-2" have been reached. Woot! New pipeline that Russia is paying for and China insists on a 30% discount for whatever flows through it. Russia is in favor of using the Chinese yuan in settlements with the countries of Asia, Africa, and Latin America. Ouch, that’s gotta hurt, Pooty. I thought the Ruble was ascendant? No? Did China agree to use the ruble, too? They didn’t? So sorry. You’re “in favor of it, are you?” That’s not the same as actually doing it now, is it? LNG supplies from Russia to China will expand, Moscow is ready to increase uninterrupted oil supplies. Ok, we knew that. Is China going to pay market price? No? Darn. Russian business is able to meet China’s growing demand for energy. Okay, you’re a broken record now, we got it. China is buying Russian carbon. The trade turnover between Russia and China in 2022 reached a historical record of $185 billion. Interesting phrasing there, the “trade turnover". That conveniently leaves out any data on which direction the trade is flowing. It also glazes over the fact that nobody else will sell anything to Russia. There are opportunities for a significant increase in meat and grain exports from Russia to China. This is like saying it might rain next Tuesday. All these “opportunities” out there, but what’s actually happening? I’ve had girls tell me there was an opportunity for lunch on Saturday, but I often ended up eating alone. Trade in agricultural products between the Russian Federation and China is growing at a faster pace. Faster than what? Faster than the sanctions are shrinking the markets elsewhere? China has become the leading partner of the Russian Federation in the economic development of the Far East. China is one of one. Everyone else has sanctioned Russia. It’s interesting that that phrase can’t be turned around. Russia has not become a leading partner of China, it’s barely on their radar. Russia and China are ready to create a joint working body for the development of the Northern Sea Route. Also a Moon base, and hovercars? Ready to do something isn’t actually doing it. I”ve been ready to start proofreading my articles on Medium, but you don’t see me doing it yet! Russia supports the creation of a sports association within the framework of the SCO. … Because the big kids won’t play with us anymore… Moscow and Beijing can become world leaders in IT, network security and artificial intelligence. Lots of things COULD happen. My money is on Taiwan and Silicon Valley, though. Russia is ready to support Chinese business in replacing enterprises that left the Russian Federation. This one is impossible to read as a success. Let me translate from the Russian. “China is going to own all the Western businesses left in Russia. Russia won’t own them, China will”. The takeover is complete. Russia is officially a puppet. The Russian Federation is counting on a multiple increase in student exchanges with China in the context of the abolition of anti-COVID restrictions. ?? This is something normally discussed by ambassadors or Ministers of education, not presidents and prime ministers.
Chinese President Xi Jinping:
The talks with Putin were frank and friendly. Sino-Russian ties are vital to the modern world order. Nothing to see here, move along. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for. The growth in trade allowed Russia and China to give impetus to socio-economic development. Russia is totally dependent on China now. China, guided by the principles of the UN Charter, has an impartial position on the Ukrainian crisis. We aren’t helping Russia openly, and might not be even covertly. China stands for peace and dialogue on the issue of resolving the conflict in Ukraine. So say we all, Xi, so say we all. China and Russia, as permanent members of the UN Security Council, will continue to uphold the fundamental norms of international relations. Umm…please start any time now. China and Russia will build up constructive power to form a multipolar world. Time will tell. Doesn’t look good. No. (Damnit, this magic 8-ball keeps giving me negative answers!) Comprehensive planning will be established in trade, including in the IT sector, trade in resources. Apple is out, Huawei is in. All domestic calls in Russia are now routed through Beijing. China wins, Russia loses.
In short — nothing substantive from either side. The fanatical supporters of Putin, those in the West and the East, will no doubt see this summit as a sign of an ascendant multipolar world, but I don’t see it. China has offered Russia precisely zero at a time when Putin is desperate.