Summary

Darcy Thiel, a professional in end-of-life planning and counseling, reflects on the personal impact of applying her expertise to her father's care, emphasizing the emotional challenges despite her extensive knowledge and preparation in the field.

Abstract

Darcy Thiel has been teaching about death, dying, and end-of-life planning for years, yet she finds herself grappling with the reality of these concepts as she navigates her father's medical issues. Despite her professional background, the personal experience of making end-of-life decisions for her father, who has Parkinson's disease, leaves her feeling shocked and unprepared, reminiscent of the emotional upheaval she faced when her husband passed away. Thiel acknowledges the effectiveness of end-of-life planning tools, such as her father's MOLST form, but also highlights the profound difficulty of these decisions, even when they are rational and expected. She is reminded of the importance of her work in helping others prepare for such moments, as she plans her next career move with a continued focus on supporting individuals through the end-of-life journey.

Opinions

Thiel admits that despite her professional experience, the personal application of end-of-life planning is emotionally challenging and unexpectedly difficult.
She expresses that the decision for her father to go palliative was logical and aligned with his wishes, yet it was still emotionally taxing.
Thiel appreciates the healthcare professionals who have shown compassion for her father, reinforcing the value of a strong support team.
She emphasizes the necessity of discussing and planning for end-of-life care before a crisis occurs, recognizing the benefit of preparation.
Thiel is committed to using her personal and professional experiences to continue her work in helping others navigate the complexities of end-of-life planning.

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

When theory becomes reality

I have been lecturing on death/dying/end of life planning for four years now. As my dad has been going through medical issues, I find myself on the other end of that conversation. I hear doctors and nurses say things almost verbatim to the things I have said myself many times over.

But it has been a good wake-up lesson for me to have it be so personal again. It’s been a while since the information has been so relevant and in my face.

A few weeks ago when Dad was in the hospital, we had to make some decisions. I have been anticipating this moment for at least a year, maybe longer.

Yet somehow, I felt shocked, blind-sided, unprepared.

It was strongly reminiscent of what I felt when my husband Tim passed. I had been at his side for months, thinking I was ready for the moment when he would go. But when they announced his death, I felt my knees literally buckle underneath me. I was shocked.

How was that possible? Yet it was the definite reality I lived.

Dad made a decision to go palliative a few weeks ago. It totally makes sense. It’s a rational, reasonable decision. He has Parkinson’s, a degenerative disease that only gets worse. There is no getting better.

After seven hospitalizations in 14 months, there will be no more tests, procedures, labs, hospitals, etc.. The decision was made through a very teary-eyed conversation between myself, my sister, and the nurse practitioner.

The NP did an excellent job, just like I would have done in that position. She told us that Dad had spared us making tough decisions but clearly making his wishes known in his MOLST form.

It was end of life planning working exactly the way it was supposed to.

Then why the hell is it so hard?

Now don’t get me wrong. Dad does not appear to be in the active stages of dying. But he is ready to when the time comes and wants quality of life until then. He could be around for a long time, no one knows.

My sister and I took him to see his dermatologist yesterday. We updated her on what has been happening. When we were ready to leave, she cried.

She apologized if she was upsetting us but I told her it always feels good to know other people love Dad too. He has a great team of doctors that have taken years to gather together.

Again, my point is just this. While I talk about this “stuff” quite frequently, it is still hard to face when it isn’t just concepts I am talking about, but someone I love dearly.

It renews my passion again to help people think about these concepts before they are in the middle of a crisis. It’s hard enough to do with preparation!

I’m starting the process of figuring out my next career move but I know it is going to have something to do with helping people on this journey.

I’m Darcy Thiel. I utilize my professional and personal experiences to increase my understanding and compassion to help others. I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Adult Planning Specialist, End of Life Doula, and author. Feel free to check out my profile to hear more.