Pumping Iron At Home Is Not The Same As Pumping Iron At The Gym

But it’s still pumping iron. Even if you’re 80 years old.

I get it. You’re tired of hearing people whining about toilet paper. So I’m not going to bore you with my bathroom woes. You have enough of your own.

Instead, I’m going to whine about not being able to bulk up my diminishing muscles that hold my withering old bones together.

Yeah, I know. You can’t go to the gym to tone your abs and sharpen your pecks and give your butt that “f**k me” look that would kill in your new bikini. Ooops. Bad choice of words. That would look oh so hot in your new bikini. Let’s not have any reminders of why we can’t get to the gym these days.

Well, for me, it’s not the gluteus maximus muscles I target when I work out, though they get buffed in the process. I do squats with a 20-pound goblet so my quads will help this old frame stay upright as I meander through my day.

As I’ve posted a time or two, I’ve taken up weightlifting with a vengeance these last few months, and having my gym close down put a serious dent in my routine.

Okay, nothing new to you, I agree, but before you turn away in disgust at my paltry complaint amid the seriousness of the plague upon us all, consider that at my age, assuming I make it through this nightmare unscathed, health-wise, I only have a few years to make up the deficit in my tone and bulk.

While you, my dear reader, who probably has a couple of decades on me at least, can make up for lost time in the blink of a virtual eye.

Well, I’m nothing if not resourceful, or at least I try to be. So, absent the T-Rex straps, the rowing machine, stationary bike, gargantuan set of weight machines, free weights, dumbbells, kettlebells, medicine balls, etc. that keeps this instrument in fighting form, I’ve had to adapt my household items to give myself a prayer of staying in shape as I stay at home.

As of this writing, I’ve been isolating for four weeks. I started two weeks earlier than mandated by my state due to a mild case of contagious shingles. A blessing in disguise, as it kept me out of circulation.

I admit, I’ve had a period of adjustment after I recovered from the shingles and realized I’d be cooped up indefinitely. At first, I was all gung ho for working out. I made a playlist so we could all dance our behinds off and get our exercise at home.

And then I suggested people FaceTime exercise sessions with me, and that has worked. But still, it didn’t help with my weightlifting routine.

So I’ve had to get down and get serious. And now I’m getting buffed again. Because I may have to give up my freedom to this virus, but I’m not giving up my pecs and abs.

So here’s what I do. My large laundry detergent and gallon jug of water together weigh 13.5 pounds, so that’s my “goblet” for squats.

I double up my 5-pound wrist weights. I used to do 8 reps, 3 sets. Now I do 15 reps with both weights on one hand, then repeat on other had, 3 sets on each hand. I do 4 variations to work upper body muscles.

I do 4 2-minute planks, and 4 half-downward dogs.

I do body presses against the sink whenever I’m waiting for the water to boil for coffee, tea, or just staring out the window.

I dance, do yoga, Zumba, or other cardio until I’m out of breath.

This is my routine.

It is likely a baby routine compared to what you do at the gym. It’s not ideal, and not as strenuous at my workout at my gym. But I can tell from my weight sets that I’m getting stronger from the burn as I up the reps. I’ll keep upping them as I go on, but it is far better than being sick, so I have nothing to complain about.

I don’t leave my apartment at all. My wonderful neighbors take care of all my needs. I feel too vulnerable to venture into the elevator or lobby as I live in a high-density building and don’t trust that I won’t pick up the virus from surface contact.

This daily routine keeps my mood up as well as my strength. I see my job as staying healthy and not burdening the health care system by taking good care of myself and rocking this isolation.

Please forward tips for improving my workout, if you have any. I send you all my best wishes for rocking your isolation, too. It’s the way we’ll get through this, isolated for now, but connected, healthy, and strong.