Summary

Kylie's article passionately advocates for societal improvements by promoting common sense practices and personal etiquette, suggesting these should be taught universally and even enforced by law.

Abstract

In a satirical piece titled "Public Service Announcement: Rules For The Masses," Kylie expresses a heartfelt desire to elevate certain social norms to the status of common sense, advocating for their inclusion in educational curricula, domestic teachings, and even as a replacement for existing laws. The article humorously outlines a series of public service announcements, which Kylie refers to as her "laws," addressing issues such as personal space, door-holding etiquette, hygiene, fashion choices, and the timing of lottery ticket purchases. Kylie also touches on the misuse of social media platforms like Facebook Messenger for harassment. The piece concludes with a call to action, suggesting that readers could influence Congress or even support Kylie as a write-in candidate in the upcoming election to address these pressing societal issues.

Opinions

Personal space should be respected, especially in public places like gas stations, and violations should be met with a direct request to maintain distance.
The overzealous act of holding doors for people who are too far away is unnecessary and creates an awkward situation for both parties.
Basic hygiene, including regular bathing and teeth brushing, is non-negotiable, and reliance on cologne to mask body odor is ineffective and inconsiderate.
Cardigans are versatile and fashionable, and any stigma associated with wearing them, such as being stereotyped as a librarian, is unfounded and should be dismissed.
Lottery players should be considerate of others' time by not playing during peak hours when people are commuting to and from work.
The misuse of Facebook Messenger for unsolicited advances is an annoyance and a form of harassment that needs to be addressed.
Kylie is self-aware of her humor, which is laced with sarcasm and attitude, and identifies herself as a multifaceted individual with a career in real estate and property management, living in Georgia with her family.

HUMOR

Public Service Announcement: Rules For The Masses

Should it be common sense or should we spell it out for the underbelly of society?

Articles are meant to share information, tips, and opinions. This one is important to my heart. It is a list of the items I think should be made to be common sense knowledge at a minimum.

Teach it in school, teach it at home, blare it from loudspeakers in North Korea, and replace all media ads with it. I don’t anyone to be able to claim ignorance anymore. We are all put on this Earth for a reason and I know what mine is.

Best case scenario, this would become criminal activity. I have about 18 laws I will recommend we take off the books if we can have these in their stead.

Kylie’s Public Service Announcements

1st offense — Warning

2nd offense — Life in prison

Backpack

You, good sir, are not a backpack. So, kindly remove yourself from being one millimeter from me while we are standing in line at the gas station. Standing closer to me won’t get me done with my transaction any faster.

I do not like feeling your breath on my shoulder. “I beg your pardon, Sir. Please remove your breath from my neck and fuck off a few feet back.”

Even with the pandemic and the six feet away rule in place, it does not stop some people. These people are primarily at the gas station and Wal-Mart for some reason.

Holding The Door

Look, I am from Georgia and no one appreciates a gentleman more than us. But if I’m 500 yards away in the gas station parking lot, please do not hold the door for me. I do not want to do an awkward run/walk across the parking lot. Then you will not be standing there holding the door for five minutes straight.

We all appreciate what you’re trying to do. God sees you and we all see you. Just cut it out, though. I am not trying to run.

Hygiene

For god’s sake, please brush your teeth and bathe. Dousing yourself in cologne does not count as bathing.

Some of us can still smell so please have pity. If you are not sure if you smell or not, ask yourself when was the last good scrubbing you had. Or ask a friend or a family member to tell you.

Cardigan

Just because I like to wear a cardigan does not mean I am a librarian. I work on the south side of my town and apparently they equate every white person in a sweater as a librarian. Make no mistake, my street CRED is unparalleled.

Cardigans are amazing. If you are hot, you can take it off. If you are cold, you can put it on. You can buy one in every color to go with every shirt that you own. Stop the hate against cardigans.

And also, calling someone a librarian is not an insult. There’s no shame in being smart or appearing to be smart. I just don’t like the ignorance of cardigan shaming.

Lottery

For the love of all that is holy, please play your damn lottery during working hours. Not right before work starts or right after work ends. We have jobs to get to and don’t have time for you to pick eight number sevens, five number threes, and eight number twos.

And please tell me how the hell you manage to have the money to play the lottery every day when you don’t, apparently, go to work. I’m talking to you, weird creepy guy that hits on me every day at the gas station.

Get a job. The chance of you getting rich is much higher that way. The chance of you scoring at the gas station is much higher that way as well.

Photo by Emiliano Vittoriosi on Unsplash

Messenger

I have touched on this before. It’s still an issue. Facebook messenger was not invented for the sole purpose of harassing women on the internet. At least I don’t think it was.

Regardless, it is absolutely the most annoying thing that has ever happened. Even though I find some small pleasure in rebutting the advances of said weirdos, I wish they would just stop already.

I’m sure there are women that have used this for that as well, but I have never heard of one in my life or from someone I know. Just last week I had a man asking me to use him financially, no strings attached. Now if I was a younger, dumber version of myself, I might’ve fallen for that.

I’m 41. I know there’s no such thing as no strings attached. So, sorry Buddy, you’ll have to spend your paycheck on yourself or some other lady that believes you will leave her alone and just hand her the money.

These are just some of the most urgent items I must fix as your new leader. I mean, someone should do something about these issues.

So call upon Congress or write me in on November’s ballot. The choice is yours.

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Kylie finds herself funny and is a mixture of sarcasm, White Zinfandel, attitude and love. In addition to humoring herself, she also is a Real Estate Agent and a Property Manager. She lives in Georgia with her huge, loud family.