Private Time: The Importance of Having Your Own Space

Or: Why my next house will have an office.

My partner and I bought our current house a bit over seven years ago. It was an ideal place at the time — it has a spacious first floor, 1.5 bathrooms, and a large master bedroom. Most importantly, it has a smaller second bedroom where my partner could establish a crafting space.

My partner spent the majority of her life not having her own space. Generally, her room was shared with someone else — her sister and/or her brother at various times. There were also a few times in her teenage and young adult life where those rooms weren’t private, as one of her parents had removed the door as punishment (or as a means of control).

So, when we moved into our house, we decided that the second bedroom would be her space. For the first time in her life, she could have a room that was entirely hers and not shared with anyone.

At the time, I was happy to cede the second bedroom to her. I rarely worked from home, and I had no real reason to need an office space or otherwise have a private room to myself. I had spent my entire life having my own room without having to share it with anyone; why not give my partner something she’d always wanted?

And, for quite a while, I didn’t mind. I spent most of my workdays at the office, only occasionally working from a cafe or the library, and rarely at home unless it snowed. After a while, however, I began to miss having a space to myself. It wasn’t much of a big deal, honestly — privacy wasn’t hard to come by, as I could simply ask to not be bothered if I needed to be by myself.

It did have some interesting upshots, though. I have always been the type to read in the bathroom, and I found myself taking longer and longer, getting lost on my phone while sitting on the toilet. It was a place where I could be guaranteed to not be bothered. I didn’t necessarily get it at first, but after a while, I came to understand that my increased bathroom time was a reaction to the loss of my own space.

Still, it wasn’t anything major. While I didn’t have my own space, I didn’t necessarily need my own space. There was very little in my life that I needed to do away from my partner (and the cats). If I needed a few minutes to myself, I could simply go to our bedroom and ask to not be bothered for a while.

Then COVID-19 hit.

Suddenly, I found myself working from home for the foreseeable future. Lacking a place to work, I set myself up in our dining room, where my personal computer was. It would be a temporary solution, I told myself, while we figured out a more permanent place for me to work. I assured myself that I would probably be back at the office soon.

Well, after 16 months of dealing with the pandemic, I still haven’t found a place to work in my house. Additionally, my workplace asked me if I wouldn’t mind working from home more or less permanently, as we are expanding our administrative department and they needed my office for a new staff position.

So, I continue to work at my dining room table, with my partner’s computer next to mine, my personal laptop nearby, and my second monitor occupying a ton of space. I spend most of my time sitting here, tapping away on work projects or whatever writing project I’m doing in my free time.

It’s not too bad, though — my partner usually sleeps late, which gives me plenty of time to get a lot of work done before she comes downstairs. Our cats have become used to me being home all the time, so they also typically sleep through the morning. As such, I tend to wake up early and get the majority of my heavy lifting done before about 11.

I also don’t mind sharing the public space with my partner after she wakes up. We generally share a meal and tea, and then she retreats to do chores or relax on the couch for a while. She knows that I need to work, so she generally keeps the volume low (or uses Bluetooth headphones if I’m really busy).

I have also been known to retreat to our bedroom to work from bed some afternoons. It is a quiet place away from noise and cats, and I can get a lot done that way. Plus, it’s a nice change of scenery.

Still, it would be nice to have a private office where I could have my own space. Whether it is a place where I can go to concentrate on work or somewhere to simply get away from everything, I think that our next home will have a place where I can set up an office.

In the meantime, I do my best with what I have. One of the nice things about waking up before my partner is that the entire downstairs is “my space” for a few hours. The cats generally leave me alone and I can move about fairly freely without being bothered and without bothering her. It’s a nice compromise, and my partner has been known to stay in our bedroom well after she’s woken up to allow me that courtesy.

I have also dived head-first into creating digital spaces for myself. At the beginning of the pandemic, I bought Animal Crossing, the slice-of-life simulator for the Nintendo Switch where you invite animal villagers to your private island to create your own little paradise. At first, it was intended as a colorful distraction from the nightmare that was going on outside. It has moved well beyond that, as I have sunk hundreds of hours into building and customizing my island into exactly what I want it to be.

After about a year of daily play, I embarked on a month-long construction project, where I spent millions of Bells (the in-game currency) to move buildings and demolish and rebuild bridges and ramps. It was a fantastic bit of fun, allowing me to take control of my own space, even if it was virtual. I became so addicted that a few months ago, my partner encouraged me to pick up a Switch Lite and another copy of the game so I could have a second island.

Crafting my islands into my own space has been a great stress reliever. While I don’t have my own dedicated space in the physical world, having a huge amount of control over my virtual space has helped me cope with the stress of both work and a global pandemic. And, unlike in the physical world, my virtual space is quite neat and organized.

Right now, my partner and I are comfortable where we are, and neither of us has any desire to move (although the urge to look at houses picks at me occasionally). As such, I won’t be getting an office anytime soon. Honestly, that’s fine by me. My partner and I currently have an arrangement that works for us, and I’m not about to upset that by moving.

It also helps that the house has well and truly become our space. For a significant amount of my partner’s life, she’s not spent more than two or three years in any one place, so having been here for over seven years has allowed her to take ownership of the house. We are planning a few projects to modify things in the craft room to help her organize and elsewhere to make the house more friendly for the cats.

We are also trying to decorate a bit more and make the house truly ours. My partner has a bit of a witchy aesthetic, so skulls and Halloween things are common year-round decorations. Honestly, I kinda like it, and letting her put more of her touch on the house makes me happy.

As for having my own space, I plan to make do for as long as necessary. We have an unfinished basement, and the plan is to convert part of it into a workshop space where either of us can work on craft projects. I can easily take over part of that space for myself.

It also helps that my partner is accommodating to my needs. When necessary, I am welcome to take over our room or the craft room to make it a temporary space for me, and I’m just fine with that. I know that if I wanted to, I could claim a corner of the house to make my own and my partner would be supportive.

I’m just happy that we have a house to customize to our whims. Having a space to call my own — even though there’s no single chunk of it that is just mine — is a privilege that I’m happy to say that I have. As much as I hate doing household chores and handyman projects, when all is said and done, I’m glad that I have this space to call home.

This is my entry into the Medium Writer’s Challenge for the prompt “Space.” If you’d like to read about my opinions on work as it pertains to a job or hobby, click here.

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