Pride Month 2021, This Year I Am No Longer Your Gay Best Friend

Choosing myself is one of the life lessons I have to live by if I am to honor what gay people stood for during the Stonewall riots of 1969.

One of the lessons I learned after my MOM passed away this year is to be the Queen of my life story.

In her life, she was the Queen, and as a gay man who is in his 50s, I have to be the Queen, not the wingman, not the gay best friend every woman wishes to have.

This year, I continue to grieve her loss. But I know now, grief never goes away. Each day, I understand my MOM, and I see myself as her true copy.

Pride Month 2021 — Choosing Myself

When you trust people, and you feel betrayed, do you give people a second chance?

It is difficult for me to hurdle past the gaslighting. Also, I'm not too fond of the drama of trying to fix things. Because it goes back to my life’s new mantra, to choose myself.

I was gaslighted.

I know I am a good friend. Hey, I can go the extra mile for a friend, even at the expense of putting my life at risk. But I can only move forward if I walk away. Too much drama isn’t the way I plan to live the rest of my life.

It is enough that I know I had enough.

Pride Month 2021 feels different as it was different last year.

I will only celebrate Pride Month 2021 in remembrance of what my people did in the past. I can never thank enough the gay people who fought that fateful day outside the Stonewall Inn.

People like me can enjoy the freedom of being gay in a world that can still be full of judgment against my community, the LGBTQ+ community, because of them.

There is so much we can learn from the Stonewall Riots. First, it was a demonstration of choosing oneself. That we, gay people, have the same human rights as any heterosexual person on this planet.

It only takes one spark for change to happen to create a ripple effect. To some that fateful day, the Stonewall riots were an exercise in futility, an act of violence, and even an embarrassment.

I have to admit sometimes; our community can be full of self-hate.

The very community has long been used to being treated like dirt in a society that believes that being gay is an abomination.

The violence against our community never really went away. There are places in the world that are dangerous to gay people. We are in the 21st century, but there are places where you can be put to death for being gay.

The big disparity can be seen in the western world and also in our pop culture. For example, while we view RuPaul’s Drag Race as entertainment, I still feel (some) straight people think we are here to entertain them because we are not.

I’m no longer your gay best friend.

The idea of every woman’s dream to have a gay man as their best friend. The gay friend to be in their beck and call, providing them entertainment when they are at the worst time of their lives.

And it took a lesson from my MOM’s passing that I am not here to be that gay friend, that I have to start living the rest of my life as a queen.

Don’t get me wrong, I still hang out with my gay friends, and I still have a few remaining female friends, the ones I knew from when I was a kid.

Also, after MOM’s passing, my relationship with my sisters has been better. I have five sisters to love, not to count the seven nieces I have, and soon granddaughters to share my life and love with.

The Pride Month of 2021 brings me to a new chapter.

I cut ties so that I can grow. But, as life is too short to be in the company of people you can’t trust anymore, I am moving forward.

Never believe anyone who tells you their drama is also where you learn your lesson.

For the longest time, I believed them when they told me that I have to fix myself and that there must be something wrong with me because they say so.

Now I love the person who I am, flaws and all. I choose myself, and no man or woman will ever again tell me that I need to change. So I choose to let them go, not be triggered, and be part of their drama.

A gay friend once asked me, so will you ever be friends with them again?

I said, there are things that I will swallow lovingly, but I will never swallow my gay pride.

To all the gay people around the world, a very Happy Pride Month 2021. Be the queen because you are.