Practice These 4 Skills To Become Everyone’s Favourite Person

Increase your likeability and develop social mastery

I wrote the title with a bit of tongue-in-cheek. No one is everyone’s favourite person and that’s not what life is about.

But many people seem to mistake likeability for either charisma or extroversion. I hear them say that it’s inborn and only the special few are lucky to have it.

Although some people are more likeable than others, anyone can develop it. Likeability is a set of skills that requires developing a certain mindset and learning emotional intelligence (EQ).

It’s also more of becoming who you are and getting to know yourself better instead of trying to show up a certain way.

You don’t need to get people to like you, you can be likeable. There’s a difference 😉

So what are the four traits you can start developing today?

1. Listening skills

The biggest mistake you can make when talking to others is to be in your head focused on what you are going to say.

We’ve all talked to a person who seems to listen to respond. How did that make you feel?

It may have made you feel annoyed or irritated because it wasn’t a conversation. It was you talking at them and then them talking at you.

No flow!

You can avoid this by practising mirroring and labelling techniques during the conversation.

I first came across these ideas in Chris Voss’ work. He is a former FBI agent sharing the tactics used by the FBI in hostage negotiations. If it works for the FBI, it will work for you 😉

Mirroring

It’s a simple technique where you repeat back the last 1–3 words of what someone says.

For example

• Someone: ‘I was late for work again!’
• You: ‘Late again?’

Of course, don’t repeat the last words of every sentence, use it casually.

Practising mirroring allows you to get out of your head and become fully present.

It also provides you with information about the other party that you might not have known.

Finally, mirroring creates a sense of closeness, a sense of you get me. The more listened to and open people feel around you, the more they like you.

Labelling

Another technique that encourages you to listen while simultaneously making the other party feel recognized. You could call it a verbal observation/recognition.

For example

• Someone ‘I enjoy spending quality time with my friends’
• You ‘It sounds like you’re someone who values friendships!’

Can you see how this statement might allow you to go deeper? You might have noticed one of their core values and people love to be seen.

Note that the example above is a positive label. Always do your best and find a way to compliment or notice someone for their positive traits.

You could also use a negative label, especially if there’s a conflict or tension in the conversation.

For example

• Someone ‘What are you doing parking in my spot? Don’t you know that’s where I always park?’
• You ‘It sounds like you’re frustrated. I didn’t know this was your parking spot, could you show me your permit?’

Similarly to mirroring, don’t overuse labels. Remember, these techniques are only here to help you be present in the conversation and for the other person to feel listened to. It’s a conversation, not a therapy session 🙂

I encourage you to set an intention to use mirroring and labelling techniques with one person a day. You will see that soon enough it will become automatic and people will find you much more likeable.

2. Being genuine

First of all, nobody likes a fake. Doing or saying things that we think will make people like us will have the opposite effect.

The most common example that comes to mind is that sometimes when we start dating, we exaggerate or hide certain traits and pretend to be interested in something that we are not.

Although the point of this post is to develop likeability, likeability is not about adjusting your behaviour in different ways to be liked by people. It’s about being genuine and knowing who you are, speaking your truth and encouraging other people to do the same.

Never hold back on complimenting someone or sharing your resources/knowledge. When people give us something without expecting anything in return, we feel appreciated and more importantly, we like them!

An important thing to realize is that to become genuinely genuine (see what I did here?), you need to be honest with yourself.

When you know what your strengths and weaknesses are, what you like and dislike you’ll be able to express yourself more authentically. You will be able to draw boundaries or admit when you’re wrong.

We find these traits attractive and appealing. It shows confidence, authenticity and individuality.

A simple practice to try

Think back to a situation that left you feeling negative in some way. Then ask yourself, what exactly made you feel that way? See what comes up.

Maybe it was that someone was being rude and you overreacted or you wish you could have said something different, maybe stood up for yourself?

Now be honest with yourself and focus on the part where you could have behaved differently. Even if someone was rude, you could have chosen to say that you are not going to tolerate that type of behaviour and walk away.

After doing the exercise for a few weeks, begin asking yourself what the most authentic way of showing up in the following conversation is.

Genuineness also comes from deriving your sense of self from your values and internal compass.

A genuine person will listen to others but will arrive at the decision that feels right for them. They don’t agree with things just because everyone else does.

Being genuine unconsciously communicates that I’m true to myself and, therefore will be true to you.

At the minimum, we respect such a person. More often than not though, we like them as well.

3. Acknowledging the person in front of you

When I’m in central London, I go to cafes and observe how people treat the staff. 90% don’t even lift their eyes to see who’s serving them. Too busy looking at their phones.

Maybe because I used to work in a coffee shop before and know what that feels like, I make the point of noting their name, saying it out loud and making eye contact.

I can tell that’s out of the ordinary because the response is always the same: surprise.

Humans crave to be seen, to be acknowledged… to matter.

Other times they’re too spaced out — the automaticity of interaction takes over and they just repeat the same eat-in or takeaway, anything else? card or cash mantra.

But what if you commit to truly see and acknowledge a person in front of you in every single interaction?

Turn it into a game!

This means that every single person who comes into contact with you will feel seen and that they matter. If it sounds like too much effort don’t worry, it’s not. It’s a simple habit that in time will automatically produce that effect without you thinking about it.

Start with your family and friends first

Next time you see them, really look them in the eye, smile, hug them and tell them a genuine compliment. Since you know you’ll see them beforehand, try and think about something you appreciate/admire about them instead of saying something like ‘You’re beautiful and kind’ (which I’m sure they are).

Bringing forward something specific as opposed to generic will make them feel more special. Leave them with a better impression of themselves.

Then start practising this with your co-workers. And then strangers. Of course, don’t go around hugging strangers because they might call the police.

But if you see someone wearing a great dress in a bookstore, don’t keep it to yourself, go tell them.

When you’re being served by a waiter or local coffee shop, truly see the person in front of you and ask them how their day is going.

You have nothing else to do at that moment, choose to notice someone over scrolling your phone.

When you start treating hospitality staff with this level of respect and appreciation, magic will happen. Speaking from personal experience as someone who gets free/upgraded stuff often 😉

Next time you see someone

• Look them in the eye and genuinely smile (imagine as if they are the first and last person you will see that day, you won’t be able to help but be excited to see them)
• Ask them how they are and follow up on their response. For example, they reply ‘I’m good how are you’. You can say ‘I’m great. I love your hair today, what did you do?’
• In time, you will slowly build a connection and talk on a more personal level.

The beauty of this is that it takes only a few minutes a day to practice, but makes people like you, a lot.

4. Emotional Intelligence

It’s become an increasingly popular topic when people realized that having a high IQ doesn’t necessarily translate into being likeable.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize, manage and express your emotions in a healthy way.

If someone is sweet and likeable but has emotional outbursts, they won’t stay likeable. The ability to manage and express your emotions in a way that is suitable to a situation will benefit your personal and professional life.

The easiest way to develop EQ is to start listening to your body.

How do you feel after the meal you just had? How does this person make you feel? If you make this choice, how will you feel? The trick here is to stop listening to what your mind says and tune in to how you feel.

A simple exercise to start practising

Play a 2-minute game twice a day.

You might set an alarm or choose a transitional moment (getting up from a desk, washing your hands, leaving the room.) to practice.

Take in a few deep breaths and scan your body, from head to toe. If you feel tension anywhere in the body, just do what feels right (stretch, move around, inhale into that area).

After the body scan, ask yourself how do I feel right now? If nothing comes, that’s fine. You’re just building a habit of checking in with yourself.

I know this might seem silly, but that’s how emotional intelligence is developed. Not everything lives up in our heads. Sometimes our body is a better communicator.

Why does it matter if you’re emotionally intelligent?

Because a person who’s able to recognise and control their emotional reactions is much more pleasant to be around. It’s calming and relaxing to be around someone we trust to manage themselves and to be able to communicate appropriately.

Bringing it all together

Likeability is a skill set that can be learned.

Becoming likeable will take your personal and professional life to the next level.

It will promote your self-esteem and self-respect.

Your friends, family and romantic partner will feel more loved and appreciated by you.

In your career, you will network with ease and bring out the best in everyone.

If you practice the exercises above, you’ll see your likeability will skyrocket, I promise.

Any questions or observations? Ask away in the comments 👉

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