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e”; and my favorite (insert sarcasm here), “free from mental illness: mentally sound.” <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/normal">https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/normal</a> Respectively, <i>regular</i> is “constituted, conducted, scheduled, or done in conformity with established or prescribed usages, rules, or discipline” or “recurring, attending, or functioning at fixed, uniform, or normal intervals.” <a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/regular">https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/regular</a></p><p id="a8ee">Did you notice the use of the word ‘normal’ in the definition for regular?</p><p id="c079">So, in other words, the offender followed society’s standards to the letter apparently; therefore, painting a picture of someone whom no one would have suspected to commit such a horrendous act. Unfortunately, the missing link in those definitions is the intent and impact those words have on people. It leads, no doubt, to our frequently unsuccessful clean-up of misunderstandings and judgments in our communication.</p><h2 id="8baf">IN THE WORDS OF PETER GRIFFIN, WHAT GRINDS MY GEARS?</h2><p id="2102">As my irritation transformed into anger and disgust, I pondered ‘How ignorant are we in this day and age to <i>still</i> be using those terms to describe people?!’</p><p id="26c3">In my opinion, there is and never will be a normal or regular anyone. Just as no one is nor ever will be perfect, sane, uniform. You get the picture. To perpetuate this belief is not only the quintessential set-up for a person’s downfall in the world but also irrational in its depiction. These illusions of normalcy and regularity in our livelihood are what brings about some of the most horrific behaviors we use to cope with not being able to keep up with our ideal self.</p><p id="6ed9">Just take a look at the widespread mental health issues we are battling today. For instance, eating disorders, addiction, anxiety, and depression, to name a few. It’s virtually impossible to maintain these standards throughout our lives without any hiccups as a result. It’s also irresponsible to foster belief in these delusions of grandeur, eluding to a definitive way in dealing with the obstacles in our lives. I know. I’ve been there.</p><h2 id="a469">ATTEMPTING TO LIVE THE DREAM</h2><p id="83cb">In my own experiences, I spent A LOT of time, unsuccessfully, trying to fit into the mass ideal of what it meant to be a normal, perfect, regular, and rational human being. Believe me when I say this caused me more grief than what it was worth!</p><p id="cf52">As someone who

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lives with mental illness as a result of trauma, both in my child and adult life, it would have been too easy for me to say, ‘Awww to hell with this!’ Instead, I decided to trade my street life for the <i>sweet life</i>. You know, like the one the offender was living before they committed the heinous act.</p><p id="29fb">I truly believed that if I was ‘good’ (another word we overly use to describe each other that we’ll save for debate another time) and did everything as instructed that I would be in a better place for it. Sadly, the one thing I didn’t know at the time was the power of words. This cluelessness led to years of unproductive and counterintuitive communication between myself and others. Furthermore, the damage caused by this hindered my recovery process and was not undone quickly to the dismay of many around me.</p><p id="9671">From my experience, the most significant thing we can do is to work through our communication challenges and have a better understanding of the power and importance of language in mental health. By recognizing our biases and the dynamics playing out in our dialogues as well as being intentional in the context of what we say and how we use language, we become equipped to motivate and inspire others versus disempower them.</p><p id="0bd8">No doubt, I do live better than I did before. Some people and environments contributed to my mental wellness to some degree. However, in no way, shape, or form am I normal or regular. Thank goodness for that!</p><h2 id="015c">THE TAKE-AWAY</h2><p id="5351">With a great deal of hard work, I was able to untie myself from the conditions that others placed on me. I recognized those binds were solely there for people to feel comfortable with my existence in this world and to make sure I lived on their terms of what was normal and regular. It was no longer necessary to live inside that box, and I was able to move forward and freely live my life as I see fit. Yes, I will always straddle that ‘fine line’ but in the words of Frank Sinatra, “I did it mmmyyy wwaaayyy!” And for that, I am grateful.</p><p id="2a1c">Hence, repeat after me, there is no such thing as normal and regular human beings or way of life. As the cliched saying goes, variety IS the spice of life or, at the very least, it makes us all a little less dull? Mundane? Humdrum? Take your pick. I, for one, have absolutely no qualms with that. Nor do I believe others should subscribe to this dogma. The sooner we all realize this, the sooner we can focus on what truly matters to our mental health and well-being on this planet.</p></article></body>

WHY DO WE INSIST ON USING THE WORDS ‘NORMAL’ OR ‘REGULAR’ TO DESCRIBE OURSELVES?

The Power and Importance of Language to Our Mental Health

One of my fascinations of late has been to watch crime documentaries, particularly those that surround murderers and serial killers. Now given the headline of this article, you’re probably wondering, ‘what gives?’

PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE

In no way am I studying these situations to become a prolific killer. Far from it! It’s more about gaining an understanding of the psychological mindset behind those involved such as the criminals and victims, as well as the police, journalists, criminologists, profilers, etc. and their views surrounding the cases. I believe it will help me assist others in my mental health career, particularly with those individuals who have been deemed unacceptable either by themselves or by society.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

The latest crime documentary I watched was about someone, whom we’ll call the offender, supposedly murdered their boss out of the blue. Those who spoke about the case described the offender as a ‘normal’ and ‘regular’ person before the murder occurred. Investigators used those words to describe them because the offender had maintained a heterosexual marriage for 24 years, they had the obligatory set of children (that’s 2.5 by the way if you include their dog) and went to their job daily without fail.

Investigators also added that the only upset before the offender committed the crime was the death of their father. The stress and grief that comes with such an event is a normal response to that part of life. Check out Dr. Kubler-Ross’s psychological insight on the 5 Stages of Death and Dying to gain a better understanding of just how common it is.

Initially, I was mildly irritable. I mean, minus the fact that someone died once again as a result of the lack of awareness and understanding of the subtle signs of mental instability, the recurring reference to the offender as a normal and regular had become annoying.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, there are several definitions for the word normal. Here are the top three: “conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern”; “according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle”; and my favorite (insert sarcasm here), “free from mental illness: mentally sound.” https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/normal Respectively, regular is “constituted, conducted, scheduled, or done in conformity with established or prescribed usages, rules, or discipline” or “recurring, attending, or functioning at fixed, uniform, or normal intervals.” https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/regular

Did you notice the use of the word ‘normal’ in the definition for regular?

So, in other words, the offender followed society’s standards to the letter apparently; therefore, painting a picture of someone whom no one would have suspected to commit such a horrendous act. Unfortunately, the missing link in those definitions is the intent and impact those words have on people. It leads, no doubt, to our frequently unsuccessful clean-up of misunderstandings and judgments in our communication.

IN THE WORDS OF PETER GRIFFIN, WHAT GRINDS MY GEARS?

As my irritation transformed into anger and disgust, I pondered ‘How ignorant are we in this day and age to still be using those terms to describe people?!’

In my opinion, there is and never will be a normal or regular anyone. Just as no one is nor ever will be perfect, sane, uniform. You get the picture. To perpetuate this belief is not only the quintessential set-up for a person’s downfall in the world but also irrational in its depiction. These illusions of normalcy and regularity in our livelihood are what brings about some of the most horrific behaviors we use to cope with not being able to keep up with our ideal self.

Just take a look at the widespread mental health issues we are battling today. For instance, eating disorders, addiction, anxiety, and depression, to name a few. It’s virtually impossible to maintain these standards throughout our lives without any hiccups as a result. It’s also irresponsible to foster belief in these delusions of grandeur, eluding to a definitive way in dealing with the obstacles in our lives. I know. I’ve been there.

ATTEMPTING TO LIVE THE DREAM

In my own experiences, I spent A LOT of time, unsuccessfully, trying to fit into the mass ideal of what it meant to be a normal, perfect, regular, and rational human being. Believe me when I say this caused me more grief than what it was worth!

As someone who lives with mental illness as a result of trauma, both in my child and adult life, it would have been too easy for me to say, ‘Awww to hell with this!’ Instead, I decided to trade my street life for the sweet life. You know, like the one the offender was living before they committed the heinous act.

I truly believed that if I was ‘good’ (another word we overly use to describe each other that we’ll save for debate another time) and did everything as instructed that I would be in a better place for it. Sadly, the one thing I didn’t know at the time was the power of words. This cluelessness led to years of unproductive and counterintuitive communication between myself and others. Furthermore, the damage caused by this hindered my recovery process and was not undone quickly to the dismay of many around me.

From my experience, the most significant thing we can do is to work through our communication challenges and have a better understanding of the power and importance of language in mental health. By recognizing our biases and the dynamics playing out in our dialogues as well as being intentional in the context of what we say and how we use language, we become equipped to motivate and inspire others versus disempower them.

No doubt, I do live better than I did before. Some people and environments contributed to my mental wellness to some degree. However, in no way, shape, or form am I normal or regular. Thank goodness for that!

THE TAKE-AWAY

With a great deal of hard work, I was able to untie myself from the conditions that others placed on me. I recognized those binds were solely there for people to feel comfortable with my existence in this world and to make sure I lived on their terms of what was normal and regular. It was no longer necessary to live inside that box, and I was able to move forward and freely live my life as I see fit. Yes, I will always straddle that ‘fine line’ but in the words of Frank Sinatra, “I did it mmmyyy wwaaayyy!” And for that, I am grateful.

Hence, repeat after me, there is no such thing as normal and regular human beings or way of life. As the cliched saying goes, variety IS the spice of life or, at the very least, it makes us all a little less dull? Mundane? Humdrum? Take your pick. I, for one, have absolutely no qualms with that. Nor do I believe others should subscribe to this dogma. The sooner we all realize this, the sooner we can focus on what truly matters to our mental health and well-being on this planet.