Power Hoarding Is Pervasive in Both Business and Parenting
Abusers are afraid to let the powerless gain control and it always ends in failure.
I live my life with the understanding that one day my children will be more powerful than I am.
That is how it should be.
It’s important to be mindful of this fact and to be aware that failure to recognize the inevitability of a transfer of power results in terrible consequences.
It’s easy to get drunk on your power, even the power a parent wields over a child, but that is the essential danger of power. It lures you into complacency.
Whenever you attempt to hold on to power longer than you deserve, it ends in ruin. This applies to your personal life, your business, and to your success as a parent.
The nature of power
Abuse of power is much easier to recognize when you are the one being abused than when you are doling out the abuse. This is why it’s important to switch places with the people who inhabit your life from time to time.
It is difficult to be sat on all day, every day, by some other creature, without forming an opinion about them.
On the other hand, it is perfectly possible to sit all day, every day, on top of another creature and not have the slightest thought about them whatsoever — Douglas Adams
When you call out a person who abuses his or her power, they’re inclined to dismiss the complaint.
“Well, I guess you’ll have to get over it.”
Or…
“Come on! That was no big deal!”
Or…
“Other people have to endure much worse!”
When you say such things you’re teaching a lesson, but there are consequences to that lesson that you are not exempt from just because you temporarily hold power.
The lesson you’re teaching is that it’s acceptable to abuse power.
Power is fickle. Any thought that you will be powerful forever is an illusion. Chances are high that sooner or later, you’ll meet somebody with more power than you.
Abusing power as a parent
If you inadvertently teach your children that it’s permissible to abuse power, they’ll apply that lesson when they have power. They might even apply it when they have power over you.
Maybe you think your children won’t have any power until you are old. Maybe you think you’ll be 70 or 80 or 90 by then.
You’re wrong.
Your children can start coming into their power at age 13 or even younger. They come into their power when they can look you straight in the eyes. They come into power when they learn to articulate their thoughts in the form of speech.
They might not have the power to make you do anything, but they have significant power to influence the course of their lives.
They have the power to disobey you.
They have the power to hide things from you.
They have the power to ignore you.
Some parents try to get around this by being strict. They think, “Well, if my child never has any power, then s/he can never use that power against me!”
They think this, and they work to limit their child’s power potential.
They don’t want strong children, because they see their child’s strength as a threat to their authority. These parents essentially punish their children for their own lack of morality.
This tactic condemns the children to a lifetime of abuse. Anyone who is powerless will be abused. The abuser connects the concept of love to subservience in the child’s mind. The abuser steals any chance that the child will become more powerful than the parent.
Power hoarding is cowardice
Power hoarders are terrified that if anyone around them comes into power, the power hoarder, in turn, will be abused. They can’t conceive of altruism. They make the assumption that the whole world shares their weakness.
But not all people are weak.
Some people can manage the dangers of power successfully.
If you want to find out what a man is to the bottom, give him power. Any man can stand adversity — only a great man can stand prosperity. It is the glory of Abraham Lincoln that he never abused power only on the side of mercy. — Robert G. Ingersoll
The power hoarding mentality is pervasive in our society. There are books like the 48 Laws of Power that discuss how to gain and maintain power.
Some people might make claims that power has been used to create great things.
“The pyramids were built by harnessing a power mechanism.”
Yes, but it’s important to recognize that the achievement was limited to pyramids. It took a different power mentality to create rocket ships.
Power can be a limitation
Those that celebrate ruthless power never acknowledge the fact that in order to hold power, you have to succumb to immorality.
People who have power justify their immorality by claiming it’s necessary.
“Without immoral acts, I can’t maintain power, that’s just the way it is.”
It never occurs to them that the only choice you can make in a situation like that is to relinquish power. You can be eternally powerful, or you can be moral, you can’t be both.
Good people can rise to positions of power, but they only remain good if they eventually relinquish that power.
Evil people want to retain their power in perpetuity.
If you are unwilling to relinquish your power, it means you wield your power abusively. You are not fearful of the consequences of your actions, because you intend to prevent anyone from ever achieving a position from which they can hold you accountable.
This is oppression.
This is abuse.
Consider your business strategies in the context of being a mindful parent
What you learn as a parent can help you in business and vice versa.
When you have people people working for you, you’ll find they’re reluctant to criticize you to your face. They might not like you, but they know that their job security depends on treating you with respect.
Good bosses and good parents do not need their children or employees to “like” them. You have greater obligations. You need to make the right choices. Nevertheless, you have to put good choices in motion in a way that does not alienate the people over whom you wield power.
As a parent, I am delighted by moments in which my children exceed me.
As a boss, I reward employees who demonstrate a greater aptitude than my own for decision making.
The moment you come into possession of power, your obligation is to find the best possible successor to that power. People tend to forget that we are mortal beings. We aren’t going to be here forever.
Hoarding power stops more qualified people from taking over to the detriment of all humanity.
The greatest wish of every parent should be to watch their children exceed their own accomplishments. We need to work towards a society, where entrepreneurs have the same hope for their employees.
