Post-Pandemic Depression? What To Do If You’ve Lost Yourself Along The Way

I didn’t have the words to express the depths of my despair. “How are you doing?” texted my friend, adding the clincher, “REALLY.”

I knew I wasn’t well. For the past two years, I’d been working insane hours trying to make ends meet. My health was shot. I’d been diagnosed with an intense case of sleep apnea — gaining over 50 pounds. My income had nosedived. My house was a disaster. And to top it off, my cat had fleas!

I never replied. I couldn’t figure out exactly how to text back the truth. “THX for asking. Actually, I’m on the brink! LOL. Drowning. Overwhelmed. Desperate. Depressed. TMI? NM. How are you?”

The Challenge of Feeling Lost

During the pandemic, like many, I pulled away from others. Withdrew. Isolated. Hid. Vanished. From friends. From family. And, perhaps most importantly, from myself.

This battle with losing myself was new for me. Previously, I considered myself to be the queen of positivity. I wore my crown proudly while living on purpose. However, COVID 19 ushered in enormous waves of the deep blues. Life lost luster. I could feel myself numbing out, oddly detached from everyone and everything of importance. Joyful moments seemed few and far between. Living a hum-drum existence became the norm rather than the exception.

I suppose I was functioning — somewhat. If you could call it that. Sure, I got out of bed. Fumbled through work. Yet, even everyday tasks like cooking, cleaning, and running errands left me overwhelmed, unmotivated, and uninspired.

On a deeper level, I struggled with an undeniable sense of grief. No, I didn’t lose a loved one during the pandemic. (And, oh, how my heart breaks for those who did.) Instead, I was mourning the fact that I had somehow lost myself. My inner compass was kaput. At times, I found myself barely recognizable — a stranger — without the slightest clue where my life was going, let alone how to get there. I morphed from being someone who woke each day with direction, meaning, and passion into someone overcome by the blahs.

How To Keep Yourself from Drowning?

It takes courage to admit you’re drowning. Sometimes, it feels easier to convince yourself, “I’ll be okay. Sure, maybe right now, I’m in WAY over my head, but I’ll make it out somehow.” But you don’t. You continue sinking deeper and deeper.

So how do you find your way back to safety? For me, it began by being brutally honest with myself. I started taking an inventory of all areas of my life. A truthful evaluation can be the very lifeline you need to grab hold of — a saving grace that keeps you afloat in the midst of overwhelm. However, taking stock of your life often requires all the grit you can muster. Grit…and a full-on commitment to authenticity. When you’re lost, honesty can be the most heroic act of bravery and the most compassionate expression of self-love.

Sometimes The Most Crucial Conversations Are With Yourself

Making time to evaluate your life (work, relationships, health, finances, spirituality, and your dreams) reveals what’s working and what’s not. After all, if you don’t know what’s broken, how can you fix it?

Self-awareness is key. Let’s face it; it’s nearly impossible to radically change your life without it. So when you’re desperately treading in a sea of anxiety, fatigue, sadness, and shame, it’s important to consciously consider who you are, who you’ve become, and who you most deeply desire to be.

Self-awareness activates empowerment, giving you the courage to say, “This is my life! I refuse to live this way anymore. I can’t. I won’t. I want to change.” Even if your circumstances seem daunting, self-awareness provides a bright shimmer of light that shines into those murky waters of your soul. It’s here where your inner wisdom is found, where your highest self whispers, “Listen to me. You’re going to be okay. You’ve been away for far too long, but trust me, you’re not really lost. I know the way. Follow me. It’s time to get you home. There’s ALWAYS a way to find yourself again.”

How To Get Started

The process of assessing your life doesn’t have to be expensive or drawn out. It’s not always necessary to hire a life coach or a psychologist to help you. Many people forget who they are because they haven’t taken the time to remember.

For me, the journey of finding myself again started when I took a weekend away to be alone — to break up the monotony. I needed uninterrupted time to rest and an undistracted space to reflect. I purchased a blank artist’s journal, some colored markers, pens, and pencils — anything to inspire me to capture my thoughts.

Across my journal’s cover, I scrolled the title, “My Discovery Journal 2022: Finding My Way Back To My Best Self.” Then, I committed to writing in it with 100% honesty. I needed a safe place to vent, cry, hope and dream, and most importantly, to remember who I was. I value radical candor, expressing myself in the most truthful yet loving way. Because of this, my journal became my confidant, my counselor, and my coach. In the past, I’d always carefully “edited” my most vulnerable feelings in fear that someone might somehow find and read my words. However, I committed to bravely spilling my guts — no-holds-barred this year. No restrictions. No restraints. No regrets.

4 Important Questions To Ask Yourself:

When you start to reflect upon your life, it helps to have a basic outline to keep you focused. As a professional Life Coach, who has guided hundreds of clients over the years, I’ve found the following four questions to be highly beneficial in leading my clients back to their most authentic and highest selves. These are also the reflection questions I used when I felt utterly lost. So try them; they’ll provide a map of clarity to guide you.

1. What’s working in my life? What’s Not?

I found that bullet-pointing a detailed list works great here. Make it easy. The objective here is not to judge yourself or anyone else. Just take an inventory.

2. Who am I when I’m the best version of myself?

What qualities do you like the best about yourself? Maybe right now you’re struggling with self-loathing, and you feel like there’s nothing good about yourself. Still, try to remember a time in your life when you felt the best. What did you like about yourself then? Were you funny? Spontaneous? Adventuresome? Athletic? Positive? Disciplined? Courageous? Creative? Again, if it helps, bullet-point your list.

3. What changes do I want to make to bring me closer to the person I once knew myself to be?

This is where the journey back to yourself begins! When I asked myself this question, I instantly knew that nothing would change in my life until I did. Creativity was my lifeline. I feel happy, inspired, peaceful, energized, hopeful, and full of joy when I create. So, this year, I committed time to make a little something every day — even if just for 15 minutes. And, no doubt, my writing, drawing, painting, cooking, decorating are all leading me back to my best self.

4. What do I most deeply desire (if I didn’t have to be responsible or realistic)?

People don’t take nearly enough time to reflect on their desires — to dig deep and express what they most long for. This is important because listening to your heart’s whispers is a way of acknowledging and honoring yourself. Secondly, when you get clear on your desires, it reveals which areas of your life are most out of alignment. The longings of your heart are an internal navigation system designed to guide you. When you stuff them down, brush them aside, or ignore them — getting hopelessly lost is a predictable outcome.

Start Today

My hope for you is that you will take the time to reflect on these questions. Don’t give up! Keep going. Make time for yourself to evaluate your life as honestly as you’re able. May your way back be kissed with joy amongst the challenges. Your highest self is ready and waiting to celebrate and welcome you home!