Possible Grounds for Divorce
A rhyming rant— written to someone messy
Impulses must be missing in your brain Instincts to tell you this mess is insane Did you not learn how to pick up your toys and put them away like good little boys?
Things you will use in the next month or two need not always be left out in full view Your habit results in chaotic heaps That’s why you lose things, miss due dates and sleep
It’s why we’ve nowhere to set groceries down No space to eat meals, free chairs can’t be found It’s why we don’t have friends over to dine except when we grill outside with the pines
This is not normal, it really is not I’ve told you before, perhaps you forgot It’s wrong for floors to be covered with shoes To line kitchen counters with hammers and screws
Stair case railings are not dirty clothes lines Full milk cartons left on counters aren’t fine Leaf blowers should not be stored on the couch Steps are not sock drawers, for this I can vouch
Yes, I was warned the first time we dated We’d had dinner out, felt satiated We stopped by your place in route to a show to pick up the tickets you had not stowed
My eyes got wider, lights flashed, and flags waved Had your dwelling been robbed? Were you depraved? When did you move here? Did you just arrive? Perhaps it’s a phase; will this quirk survive?
I hoped you’d improve after all these years but that myth vanished; at last I see clear The future will never bring forth a change I got what I saw, there is no more range
What’s the next step? Can I stand this and live? My patience is thin, I’m ready to give Cleaning your messes is futile time spent I hereby desist, withdraw my consent
I have some questions, please hear what I say: Where will you spend all the rest of your days? Living with me? Or are hellholes your bliss? Must our marriage go on my f**kit list?
Lifetime is precious, should not be abhorred I will not waste mine inside a junk drawer!
I wish I were making this up, but no. My spouse, my partner in life, is unbearably messy. I’m far from perfect at tidying up and staying organized, but this has gone way over the line for too long. None of the organization strategies I’ve researched and tried to impose have worked — including offers to personally go through and throw away unwanted junk — because he resists and undoes my efforts.
It’s not that he’s lazy, not at all. He constantly has a DIY (do it yourself) home repair or improvement project going on, like laying new floor in the basement, insulating the attic, or fixing a light switch. I value the projects, I really do, but the materials to complete them add to the mess and clutter that sends me to the dark side. Even worse, he uses the projects as an excuse, as the reason he doesn’t have time to pick up after himself or put anything away. He knows it frustrates and embarrasses me to live like this, so continuing the behavior is disrespectful and heartless. I’ve tried dozens of strategies to address this problem, so I doubt even well-intended suggestions would help— unless you have a magic wand or a genie in a bottle!
I wrote this poem because I needed to vent, and I wanted to do it in a cathartic way that would improve my mood instead of dragging me down. It worked! I feel a little better! Maybe this whole situation is one of life’s tests— am I meant to learn and grow from the experience?
If you have personal coping methods that help you live happily with a messy person, I’d love to hear about them.
