Pornography and my likes

Okay, let’s start off here by saying that I’m not really attracted to other women — at least in that way!

Sometimes, when going about my daily life, I’ve seen a bloke and thought something along the lines of “I’d do him if the circumstances were right.” This has never happened with a woman. Never.

This has not stopped a certain type of fantasy though, so let me tell you a little of my story…

A boyfriend of mine liked porn. I knew that he watched it before we moved in together, but I didn’t realise how much he watched. It seemed constant. We even filmed ourselves having sex and, when doing it the next time, he’d have that on in the background and be watching it. It got to the point where it seemed as if I was the secondary thing, and the girl on the screen was the more important one in the room.

I’d be going down on him, look up to make eye contact, and find that rather than following what I was doing right there and then, too him, and for him, he’d be watching someone screwing on the TV. Maybe us from a previous encounter, maybe not. I’ve never been keen on giving blowjobs (sorry guys), so I didn’t take being ignored like that very well!

Before our relationship I’d watched a bit of pornography, but, in all honesty, not that much. Seeing others engaging in sex didn’t interest me. My kinks were more along the lines of secret nudity — with some self-bondage thrown in — and the fear of getting caught, and the consequences that might follow. That sort of thing doesn’t really need me to look at some stranger’s cock and fantasise about it.

He certainly gave me an education into the whole online pornographic scene and opened my eyes to a lot of things that I didn’t know existed. I’d not realised quite how widespread it was, nor that a huge percentage of the internet was devoted to it. Whatever you want is on there somewhere, and, apparently, whether it is legal or not doesn’t change that.

He was interested in seeing women having sexual acts done to them, rather than loving couples having sex. That should have been a warning to me, but it took a long time to see it. A woman was an object to be used, not a person to be held and to find mutual satisfaction with. Once I fully realised this, and how it played out in his life, then we were done.

However, I’d done some ‘research’ of my own to find what I liked. There were plenty of videos of people out there doing the sort of dares I was used to, and I picked up some ideas that I’d go on to use myself. Nude and alone outdoors with things being almost public, but not quite. (Many of these clearly had a cameraman — or camerawoman — involved, but I didn’t mind that.)

What I was looking at though, was the activity being done, rather than focusing on the person doing it. I wasn’t interested in watching her masturbate near the end of the footage — as they nearly always did — even though I usually did so myself on my own dares. That wasn’t what I needed.

Two other forms of pornography did capture my attention though, and both of them were related to female sexual activity — much to my surprise.

The first of these were powerful women, usually dressed in suits, being made to submit to a man. Being partially stripped and shoved to their knees, or taken against their will over the board room table. I was (and still am) a bit of a submissive to the right man and this touched a nerve in me. Or touched something anyway!

Again, it wasn’t the female form in this that I was focussing on, but rather the scenario. The powerful lady was being degraded, humiliated and used without her permission. I’d often imagined getting caught when doing dares and this sort of thing happening to me, although, clearly, I’d not be wearing a business suit at the time!

I did find the occasional video of a girl getting caught outside like this and being used, often by more than one man, but this was apparently not something that was focused on in most porn. (I saved some of those for future repeated viewing. Still for research you understand.)

The second thing surprised me a lot. Stripteases. Not the way that many videos labelled as this did it though. Here the girls took off their clothes, possibly in a slightly sexy way, but possibly not, and then either masturbated, or a guy showed up and they had sex. Dull, boring, and to be skipped.

No, I liked the slower, erotic, removal of clothes — usually to some sort of background music and with dancing involved. I’m not looking for raunchy, and for the woman concerned to be sticking fingers inside purely for the (presumably male) viewers’ titillation.

I want to see her movement as she is doing this and enjoy the subtle shifting of her body. To see her turn and the light shine from the different surfaces. To see her change poses and enjoy with her the erotic charge being built up. If she looks a little embarrassed about what she is doing, all the better. This seems to show that this is not an everyday event, but something special for me to watch.

Within some fairly broad perimeters I’m not bothered about her size, shape, ethnicity, or age. What matters is that she is clearly enjoying the experience, that she feels the erotic charge that she is giving off, and is happy that I am getting it. Or at least the person that she was originally filming it for was getting it.

And if she happens to stand, or dance, for a moment or two with her hands behind her neck, holding her hair up, with her elbows out wide… open, defenceless, vulnerable? Well then, in that case, she quite possibly has me hooked. Titillated, excited, ready to respond in some way. And I think that you can guess about that way without my needing to be more explicit here.

Most of the really good ones seem to have been recorded for a special person in that girl’s life. How it then gets out onto the internet I’ll never know, but this is a prime example of why I’ve never been happy being filmed naked and have made sure to have full control over anything taken of me. My image, my naked body, is not going to be wank material for some guys on the other side of the planet. Or girls, for that matter.

I know that there is a strong element of hypocrisy there! I’m happy to watch this girl dance for me, maybe many years after it was filmed, but I do not want the same for myself. Even if something of mine got out there, then the odds of anyone who knows me ever seeing it, given the size of the web, and the sheer amount of porn in existence, is pretty damn unlikely. Never going to happen though!

Occasionally I’m sent an unsolicited dick pic (please don’t do this, if I want one I’ll ask!) and asked to reciprocate with a nude of my own. The block button is used immediately. As I’ve always talked about being straight — and more about that in a post to come — I’ve never had another woman send me images of herself. I honestly don’t want them, so please don’t, but if she sent me an erotic striptease as described above… boy would I be conflicted!

I’d actually be up for going to a live performance somewhere but have no idea of how one would go about that. Obviously, a regular strip club is not going to do the job! That’s not erotic in the slightest, or at least not for me. That seems more like porn on a stage. At some point, I’m going to have to explore this further and, if I do, I’ll let you know how I get on!

Take a look at my profile for other articles and stories, and the link here for more items in this style.