For Poops & Giggles
Poop-Hate Is Self-Hate
If we’re going to be all about self-love, shouldn’t we love everything?
Poop. Shit. Feces. Waste. Doo Doo. Caca (for my French-speaking folks). BM. #2. Dung. Crap. Stigma. That’s what it all is, a stigma. Poop has such a bad rap and I’m getting tired of the crap associated with it.
The realization hit me while I was sitting down on the crapper, preparing to…contemplate life’s profound questions. I was in the privacy of my own home that I pay rent. There were finally no guests around (finally!). The next family member was ten feet away, thoroughly distracted by something other than my bathroom break. I was absolutely free to drop a deuce with no judgment or condemnation.
Yet, before I sat down on the toilet, I applied three sprays of Poo-pourri™ in the toilet water per the instructions on the bottle. If you haven’t heard of Poo-pourri™, let me give you a quick introduction. I should also mention that I’m in no way affiliated with their crusade to conquer our poops.
With that said, Poo-pourri™ is the liposuction, botox, butt implants, and Kylie Jenner lip kit of the lavatory. I’ll let their FAQ page answer your burning questions, but in a nutshell, three sprays of it will make you think you pooped roses (or whatever’s associated with the scent you purchased). It is magical.
However, what was I hiding? Sure, I can say I was considerate of the next user, but what for? I pooped and there’s a 50% chance they’re going to do the same (if probability works that way). So what’s the big deal? I’m tired of the shame associated with pooping. Hiding my poop smell is suppressing a part of who I am. Never mind that it’ll be flushed away never to be seen again, but it was a part of me.
This is why I want a revolution. In 2019, we’ve seen societal strides made. It’s the era of self-love. We’re learning to embrace the beautiful and vast spectrum of our sexuality and gender. We’re learning to embrace our shared humanity. So my question is, where is poop in all of this? We still don’t like poop. Just google slang/synonyms for pooping and you’ll find a long list indicating how uncomfortable we are speaking about it.
Another gripe I have is this association with poop and gender. My husband was thrown off by the fact that I poop — and worse — fart. I’m surprised he didn’t panic at the fact that I have a belly button too. Here’s a quick refresher of Biology 101: we all poop.
One day, I hope to live in a world where no one needs to do the double-flush method to quickly discard the poop before the smell lingers in the air. I hope to live in a world where I don’t need to disguise that plopping sound with a cough while I’m in a public restroom. I hope to live in a world where Poo-pourri is out of business. No, not really. I like them.
In conclusion, if we’re going to love our selves, let’s not be shameful about our poop. Then, again, this all may be a load of shit.