The Hidden Life of Things

Poly G

A Polyglot and an Interpreter: Flash Fiction

Poly G was a polyglot. She spoke fluent Household Appliances (several dialects), Weather (with a summer accent), Babe talk, House Repairs as well as intermediate levels of Local and General Taxation. Although she knew so many languages she aspired to learn several more. She had set her mind on Sea, Sun, Tide, and most of all — the internationally praised— Leavemealone, which was somehow understood though not spoken by everybody. But those were complex linguistic systems that required certain preparedness of body, mind, and bank accounts.

Anyhow, Poly G was a busy woman. She started her long days — and often continued late into the night — with multiple requests from her business contacts to translate into sets of actions the instructions coming from their foreign-language speaking counterparts.

For example, when Fridgerick Cornerbach sent an urgent memo with inquiries about the delivery status of his supplies of essentials such as Hellmann’s mayonnaise, baby spinach, some variety of berries but not all of them, seven boxes of frozen DiGiorno pizza of her choice, cherry tomatoes, and sliced cheese of the American kind (in support of the local economy), Poly G needed to jump into action and ensure the on-time delivery of the goods. Failure to do so would result in a possible international scandal with grave repercussions for Poly and her team of one.

Other times, when Vac Um Cleenr, another demanding client of hers, would fall into his regular yet always startling outbursts and refuse to conduct the scheduled floor surveys, she would be needed on the spot with little to no notice. She would have to sit for at least an hour and 15 minutes and talk him back into work with flimsy promises or even threats if necessary, which she knew the corporate would never act on due to the cost-effective policies they updated year after year.

When there was increasing tension between Homer Roofus III, who was the Chief of Security of a company they partnered with and her utterly unreliable Purchasing Coordinator Huss Bandt, she was expected to use all her linguistic might to prevent Roofus III from leaving the partnership jeopardizing the infrastructural completion of all their ground plans.

But her job constantly reminded her to take the bad with the good because there were those few truly nice and rewarding moments when Poly G reminded herself why she became a translator and an interpreter in the first place. Her duties varied seasonally and although every season required different linguistic knowledge such as snowshoveling in the Winter or leavesreeking in the Fall, she managed to maintain her summer accent year-round — for the sake of her own mental longevity. And when the summer was actually in full bloom, she was heartily in her element. She was fluent in and in love with summer. For that, she used every opportunity to participate in summer-language-related projects like park alleys surveillance, beach areas mapping, and record-high temperature tracking at hot spots throughout her assigned region.

Also, there were the Babe interpreting sessions she adored, in between the intense weekly (and sometimes daily) contract provision re-negotiations with their staple clients Washy’n’MacHinn and Dri Eer Inc. The negotiations were draining her patience and affecting her professional demeanor during the Babe talks but she was doing her best to facilitate the comfort of all participants. Often unsuccessfully.

However, the rotating schedule of her work was a double-edged sword. Despite her frequent brakes in routine, jumping from one duty to another with the intensity of an American Ninja-Warrior competitor was taking time off some of her incidental but pleasurable activities like bathroom and shower brakes. She was an incurable professional, though so she cleared her calendar of every activity with minor significance to the corporate mission. Hence sleeping was ditched altogether.

Poly G had a long and unrewarding career as a polyglot and interpreter. At the ample age of 55, she decided it was time for her to flip the bird to all of her business associates and her three bosses who were already mature enough to make their lunch and to start her own business.

Thus

Poly G’s Leavemealone Translation Services

was born.

Poly G’s currently looking to hire talented people who have burnt out during futile interpreting careers and who want to focus on turning their lives into the fairytales which they have so many times translated into Babe.

If you’re interested call 321-Leave-Me or email with no resume at [email protected]. Write in plain Desperation and use all CAPS in the subject line. Good luck! And Goodwill Bless you!