Fluidly Maladapted

Summary

The website content is a poetic exploration of the fluctuating nature of living with Autism, particularly the phenomenon of Autistic Regression and Fluid Adaptation.

Abstract

The poem "Fluidly Maladapted" delves into the day-to-day experiences of someone on the autism spectrum, highlighting the unpredictable shifts in cognitive and physical abilities. It conveys the challenges of living with a condition that can change from day to day, impacting communication, mobility, and executive functioning. The author describes the struggle with a metaphorical "beast" that represents the uncontrollable aspects of autism, which can be both debilitating and consuming. The poem also references the "Spoon Theory," which is a concept used to explain the limited energy reserves people with chronic illnesses or disabilities have for daily activities. The content serves as a personal and poignant adaptation of Cynthia Kim's theory on Autistic Regression/Shutdown, suggesting that these experiences are part of a broader process of adaptation to the ever-changing demands of living with autism.

Opinions

The author expresses a deep frustration with the unpredictability of their condition, which can drastically vary from one day to the next.
There is a sense of isolation and misunderstanding from others who cannot grasp the fluctuating nature of the author's abilities and challenges.
The poem suggests that even activities that bring joy, such as engaging with words, music, and the arts, can trigger overwhelming episodes.
The author acknowledges the difficulty of coping with the condition, likening it to being in a constant battle with an unrelenting adversary.
Despite the challenges, there is an underlying hope that with time and preparation, the author may achieve a state of being "Fluidly adapted."
The reference to the "Spoon Theory" indicates a shared experience with others who have limited energy resources, emphasizing the need for careful management of daily tasks.

Autistic Regression and Fluid Adaptation.

Yesterday, I could talk to you Although it’s always brief Today, I want you far removed Non-verbally urge you to leave You’ll never understand what really happens With my rise and fall along the Spectrum Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t When you’re fluidly maladapted

Yesterday, I could get out of bed If but, for a little while Today, I can’t, though wanting to But, my body will not move You’ll never understand that I’m not slacking My brain is wired to misfire or even function Sometimes lucid, sometimes divergent When you’re fluidly maladapted

Yesterday, I could plan my day Overly excessive with detail Today, all plans are desultory I wipe the chalkboard clean Exceptionally flunking at Executive Functioning When you’re fluidly maladapted

Yesterday, I could work all-day A runaway train with no brakes Today the train has no steam The train has run off track Limitations, counting spoons¹ When you’re fluidly maladapted

Be it yesterday, or today, or any minute of each day When suddenly you’re compromised Frozen like a deer in headlights The beast is near, it is you that is his prey Sometimes you fight, each time you lose When you’re fluidly maladapted

Cognition fails, you’re unaware Of where you are, or who Total loss of control, of mind and body too Severely seizing, grand mal isn’t small Don’t fight back, wait until it’s through Futile is the fight, when you’re fluidly maladapted

Worst of all is knowing that the things you love Summon the beast that consumes Love of Words, Music, and the Arts These things — My heart, My soul, My Life Knowing, cuts you like a knife When you’re fluidly maladapted

Glued upon this lifelong lift, sometimes it's just too much But, with no cord to pull and no bus stops There’s no way to get off Sometimes, it’s just pure hell Sometimes, it’s pure and honest When you’re fluidly maladapted

Hoping, one day the beast will fail And free me from his jail Then the Spectrum will reveal Words unclouded, shall break the spell But, just in case the beast prevails Locked and loaded, I shall be armed well

Finally then…

Shall I be..

Fluidly adapted.

Footnotes

“The term spoons was coined by Christine Miserandino in 2003 in her essay “The Spoon Theory.” While out to eat with a friend, Miserandino’s friend began watching her as she took her medication and suddenly asked what it was like to have Lupus. Miserandino grabbed spoons from around the diner where they sat and gave her friend the handful of spoons she had gathered. The spoons helped Miserandino to show the way that people with chronic illness often start their days off with limited degrees of energy. The number of spoons her friend had was how much energy she had to spend throughout the day.

As Miserandino’s friend stated the different tasks she completes throughout the day, Miserandino took away a spoon for each activity. She took spoon after spoon until her friend only had one spoon left. Her friend then stated that she was hungry. To which Miserandino replied that eating would use another spoon. If she were to cook, a spoon would be needed for cooking. She would have to select her next move wisely to conserve her energy for the rest of the night”

POETRY

Fluidly Maladapted

Autistic Regression and Fluid Adaptation.

References

Footnotes

Citation

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