Please stop glorifying narcissism and making it a compliment, because it’s not

Summary

The article urges against the glorification of narcissism, emphasizing its destructive impact on relationships and self-worth.

Abstract

The author reflects on the misunderstood concept of narcissism, which extends beyond a mere psychological label to a damaging mindset that erodes empathy and prioritizes self-interest above all else. Through personal growth and interactions with others, the author recognized the traits of narcissism in certain individuals, traits that were initially dismissed during their academic studies. The article describes narcissism as a self-centered worldview devoid of conscience, love, or concern for others, often masquerading as an attractive and alluring personality. It outlines the three phases of a narcissistic relationship—Golden, Yellow, and Black—each characterized by manipulative behaviors that lead to emotional dependency, self-doubt, and a cycle of toxicity. The author advocates for awareness and recovery from narcissistic abuse, encouraging victims to rebuild their self-worth and detach from the manipulative cycle.

Opinions

Narcissism is not merely a psychological disorder but a pervasive and harmful mindset that lacks empathy and prioritizes the self at the expense of others.
Narcissistic individuals often present an appealing façade, drawing others into a relationship with promises of perfection and undivided attention, which is the "Golden" phase.
As the relationship progresses, the "Yellow" phase emerges, marked by emotional distance and manipulation, leading the victim to question their self-worth and attempt to fix the relationship despite the narcissist's betrayals.
The "Black" phase is characterized by the realization of the narcissist's true nature, leaving the victim feeling addicted to the relationship and struggling to break free from the toxicity.
The author emphasizes the importance of recognizing narcissistic behavior and seeks to educate readers on the detrimental effects of such relationships.
Recovery from narcissistic abuse is depicted as a gradual process involving rebuilding one's sense of self and learning to move on from the manipulative relationship.
The article concludes with a plea to treat narcissism seriously and not as a casual compliment or joke, acknowledging the deep psychological scars it can leave on individuals.

An attempt to decode this misery and how the impact is long-lasting and completely heart-shattering — hoping nobody ever takes neither receives the word as a welcoming gesture.

I remember reading about this term briefly in our Organisational Behavior book back in graduation, with the professor explaining the details intricately and us not at all taking it seriously. Because who knew back then, right?

We grew up. Faced challenges and difficult situations. Met people with different mindsets. And then the realization hit — that some of them actually fit the bill of the description we thought was just another psychological attempt to over-classify human beings.

Narcissism isn’t just a disorder or some timely disease — it’s a mindset shaped by the most personal factors leading a person to remove all the empathetic threads from their mind and soul. No conscience; no love; no fear; no concern — the world crumbles down to them and just them — what I think, what I feel, what I want, what I need, what I said, what I meant, what I like, what I dislike, what I wish, what I hope, what I pray, what I say — it’s just all me, I and myself.

But don’t be misled. It won’t come down to you or anyone else like this. In fact, it’ll be readily packed as the most beautiful, shiny thing that it can look on the surface — soaked with melting emotions and an addictive habit that will drive you crazy.

The Golden, Yellow and Black | Source: Unsplash

A narc friend or partner will have 3 phases (crossing my fingers here that you don’t resonate with any!) —

Phase 1: Golden — Sparkling with glitter and stardust, you will meet the mighty lord in the shining armor like they were just carved for you, in all their perfection, because the flaws are as godly and you will not find a reason to dislike. They will love you. They will want you around. They will spend maximum time with you, giving you attention like nothing else exists. They will take your hand in theirs, promising to never go, and make you feel this is all you are and will ever need. By the virtue of how our brain functions — you will feel lucky, fall in the trap of them becoming both your habit and weakness, and also start reducing your value to how this one person thinks and feels about you. This phase also consists of you having to play a double role in the background, cutting down on the people you are close to — because this one person will make you believe that everyone else around has an ulterior motive to be sticking to you. So, cut loose. The Golden rule: Your one friend is THE friend, and your everything. Also, you are lucky.

Phase 2: Yellow — The sparkle now starts fading away, for suddenly, the happy ending is no longer happy and you feel awful distance despite being near. You can sense there’s something off and you have tried addressing it but there doesn’t look much hope and you are scared you will ruin it. So, you make peace with it. Apologize. Mend. Apologize more. You figure out your friend is lying or betraying or both — but you have been led to believe that it’s also a consequence of you not being good enough. You say sorry. And beg. And try to restore the kingdom with its wealth. Spending most of your days wondering how to find a fix that’s going to permanently glue this together — you start questioning if you are a good person and lose it altogether. Fickle minded between a yes and a no in your quest to find what you want to do — you decide to take the plunge to give this just one more shot. One last time — just one more shot. Just one more. Just one last. Okay, one definite last. The Yellow rule: Your one friend is the THE friend, and your everything. Also, you are just not THAT lucky.

Phase 3: Black — All that glitters is not gold, we had heard. Now it appears the gold has turned into coal and it still feels absurd. People who were foolish enough to stick to you even after all this while tell you multiple times in a zillion languages so as to why letting this person go will give you back your peace of mind. But they also wonder why you go back to this friend knowing how toxic is this vibe. You try and explain, and wonder and pause — it’s become a habit, an addiction, a love — you can’t surpass. Your sense of self deflated every single time you inflated theirs — not realizing narcs don’t have friends but only people like theirs. The Black rule: Your one friend is the THE friend, and your everything. Also, you sucked.

Stuck, confused, teary on your situation — you might be lucky if you find someone who will tell you this is just unreal. Someone who will help you take baby steps from all their gas lighting, convenience, torture and trauma. Someone who tells you finally that you weren’t a friend or a partner but a victim whose life just became a comma.

Slowly, gradually, eventually. You will learn one day to uphold.

Baby step 1, Baby step 2, Baby step 3.

You will walk on.

They will text. They will email. They will try to reach back to you. But.. One day, after months and years; You will finally muster the courage to look back and still not care. The next day, you realize it was a LONG bad dream you couldn’t have predicted before.

The next time someone says “I am narc” and laughs it off — Please tell them it’s not a joke.