Summary

The text discusses the importance of self-improvement over comparison with others, emphasizing that life is a personal game where one should compete only with their past self.

Abstract

The article "12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos | PART 4" delves into the concept of personal growth as a means to live a fulfilling life. It criticizes the harmful effects of constant comparison with others, a habit often instilled in childhood by well-meaning parents. The author argues that as we mature, these comparisons become more complex and can lead to feelings of inadequacy, especially in the face of others' achievements. Instead, the article suggests that individuals should focus on self-improvement, setting up small, achievable tasks to better themselves each day. By doing so, people can create a personalized game of life where they only compete with who they were yesterday, thus reducing the stress and disappointment that come from measuring oneself against others. The text encourages readers to take inventory of their flaws, commit to improving them, and reward themselves for small victories, leading to a better life not just for themselves but also for those around them.

Opinions

Comparing oneself to others, especially as a child, can lead to emotional damage and is counterproductive to self-improvement.
The tendency to compare can expand into unhealthy competition in various aspects of life, including intelligence, attractiveness, and status.
It is pointless to compare oneself to someone like Elon Musk or Marilyn Monroe, as there will always be someone better in some aspect.
Life should be seen as a series of games, and individuals have the power to choose which games to play and when to switch games if they are not fulfilling.
The most important game is the one where you strive to better your life each day, with your only competition being the person you were yesterday.
Focusing on personal improvement allows one to see their own progress and ignore what others are doing, much like the selective attention phenomenon where one misses obvious changes when focused on a specific task.
To begin improving, one should take inventory of their flaws, select one to work on, and set small, achievable goals, rewarding themselves for progress.
This approach to life encourages personal responsibility and control over one's own happiness and success, rather than attributing it to external factors or the actions of others.

12 RULES FOR LIFE: AN ANTIDOTE TO CHAOS | PART 4

Play the Game of Improving Your Life. Compete with the Person You Were Yesterday.

Not with who someone else is today.

Ah comparison, what a fun self-deprecating activity to participate in.

When I was younger, my immigrant, Asian parents often compared me to other kids. They thought it would motivate me to behave the way they wanted if they pointed out the flaws I had that others seemingly did not.

Parenting is tough, but please don’t do this. At least, not at every opportunity. Otherwise, your child will be presented with an unhealthy dose of emotional damage.

Not only was the comparison counterproductive in improving my behaviour, but it also taught me to constantly compare myself to other people as I grew older.

The problem with this?

As you grow older you gain more exposure to other people through school, work, social media, etc. The comparisons are no longer just “Hey, Jimmy from the park eats his vegetables so you should too.” They become comparisons of aspects deeply rooted in your identity like intelligence, attractiveness, and status.

As long as you don’t live under a rock, there will always be someone better than you.

What’s the point in studying for finals if a twelve-year-old has already acquired your degree? How is it that you just started your career but feel years behind everyone? Can you pursue something new if it means you won’t make as much as your peers?

I’m sure it’s heartbreaking to know that you’ll never be as intelligent as Elon Musk or as charming as Marilyn Monroe.

But spending all this time focusing your attention on others sets you up for a painful existence. Your limited attention is better spent on how you can make yourself better each day.

This is the fourth installment in a series of articles on Jordan Peterson’s book, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, where he uses his expertise in psychology to suggest the principles needed to live a good life.

Here is the previous installment if you missed it:

Cancel Your Toxic Friends. Find People Who Want the Best for You.

Making friends is hard, but living with toxic people is harder

medium.com

The fourth rule for life is

“Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.”

Life is a series of games

You might be competing to be the most intelligent or attractive. Perhaps you want to be the best at badminton or the best cook.

Whatever category you are comparing yourself to other people in, you are entering yourself into that game. You are implicitly competing to see who is better.

At any point in time, know that you can switch games. If you’re not great at one, you don’t have to keep playing it.

Do you know that old saying?

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

You should double-check if you’re even playing the right game.

I played the game of academics during most of my time in school. I was pretty good at it too, until one day I looked up and asked myself, what is this all for?

It didn’t make me happy. I didn’t want to go to grad school. The career I was in didn’t care much about my having the highest grades. So why?

At the end of the day, it was just a game I had been playing for years. I didn’t know how to stop.

I played the stupid game and won the stupid prize of hours spent on the knowledge I would never use again and agonizing over if I did as well as everyone else.

That’s when I decided to switch games.

Of course, changing games is easier said than done. It means shifting your focus from one aspect of your life to another. If you fall behind in the old game, you have to be okay with it because you’re no longer competing.

There is another option: come up with a new game. You are likely in the middle of many games. When you compete in a combination of these games, it becomes an entirely new competition with an even smaller pool of people. Maybe you’re not the world’s best mom, but you might be the world’s best mom-writer who takes yoga classes and cooks a mean quiche.

A smaller pool of competitors is ideal.

But the perfect number of competitors for your game is one.

Just you.

The single most important game to play

The best game to play is one where you constantly try to make your life better. Your only competitor is the person you were yesterday.

How does this help you to stop comparing yourself to other people? What you focus on is what you see.

There was a famous study done on selective attention. If you haven’t seen the video below, I suggest you watch it and participate in the activity.

While the viewer is focused on counting the number of passes, they miss the gorilla that walks right into the middle of the game.

This is how your brain handles the complexity of the world. It only sees what is necessary for you to accomplish your current goal. Everything else is blurred out.

When the game you play involves focusing on yourself, you won’t notice what everyone else is doing.

How to play a game with one person

Where do you begin with the game of bettering your life?

To start, take inventory of what your flaws are, what aspects of your life could be improved, and whether you are capable and willing to improve them.

Choose one thing on that list to start fixing. Set up small tasks to do just that. Emphasis on small. S-M-A-L-L.

Let’s say you think having a better understanding of how the world works will make your life better. Maybe there’s a book you’ve been trying to get through for a while now. You don’t want to read for 30 minutes. But are you willing to for 5 minutes?

After you do the desired task, give yourself a small reward like your favourite coffee. Peterson emphasizes that this is an important step. Always reward yourself in a healthy manner somehow.

You’re taking charge of yourself now, but no one wants to work for a tyrant.

If each day you’re trying to make your life a little better than yesterday, all of a sudden it will actually become better. You’ll start thinking of other ways and areas you could improve. You’ll become excellent at the game of creating solutions that are personally tailored to your set of problems.

“You are less concerned with the actions of other people because you have plenty to do yourself.”

Eventually, you won’t just aim for a better life of your own, but also a better one for your family and friends. Maybe even your enemies.

It’s always going to be easier to spend time focusing on what you lack and compare yourself to others. This way, the problem is out there.

However, we all live drastically different lives, so how do you know if someone else really has it better?

When you focus on improving your life, you’re encouraging yourself to see what you can control rather than what you can’t.

Since you’re trying to improve every day, it’s only a matter of time until things fall into order. You of yesterday won’t even stand a chance as you sharpen your skills in this competitive game of life.