Planets Aren’t Worried About Getting Older

We Could Learn A Lot About Aging From Them

Close to my next birthday, I’m personally not the least bit concerned about getting older. I’m only focused on waking up each tomorrow & making it a productive good day. Sixteen years of battling cancer does that to you. Let’s face it, Dear Readers — Aging can be seen as nature’s cruel joke on the bonfire of too many candles on birthday cakes.

Some of us are rocking the “Distinguished Silver Foxie” look. Some are clinging desperately to the “Youthful Glow” filter on Zoom. Others are creating 3D avatars while avoiding mirrors & forbidding anyone from taking a selfie with them. And then there are just those who are terrified of becoming that “out-of-touch boomer” ranting about everything & anything.

Forget wrinkle cream! The real fountain of youth is apparently a mystery. It isn’t in St. Augustine, Florida or the Healing Hole, in Bimini. Meanwhile we’ve got tweens & teenagers rolling their eyes at parents who can’t work the remote.

Then those same parents are clutching their smartphones because the guy who wants to be in charge of, well, everything, still thinks ALL CAPS meltdown is the way to win. It’s a battle royale in our news feeds of who is exactly considered “old.” Just because “they” are old, doesn’t mean “we”are old!

Because sooner or later we’re about to blast off on a journey through the cosmos of aging — Here’s my thoughts on what our celestial neighbors can teach us about getting older:

Lessons From The Aging Experts

• Mercury: This fiery little guy is closest to the sun, taking a scorching 88 Earth days to zip around it. Lesson: Some folks age like Mercury, burning the candle at both ends & living life in the fast lane. Just remember, sunscreen is important for both planets & people!
• Venus: Hot & thick, with an atmosphere that could melt a spaceship, Venus is all about keeping things pressurized. Lesson: As we age, we might need a little more “puff” to stay inflated, both in terms of self-esteem & certain other body parts.
• Earth: Our home planet — an imperfect balance (most of the time) between fiery hot & icy extremes. Lesson: We can strive to save Earth, adapting & evolving through the stages of life. Though, maybe a little less volcanic activity in our personal & financial lives would be nice too.
• Mars: The rusty red neighbor, Mars is slowly losing its atmosphere, which some scientists say might explain the lack of a thriving Martian social scene. Lesson: Don’t let your inner flame fizzle out! Keep those passions burning & the social calendar lively, or you might end up still another lonely space rock.
• Saturn: This blinged-out planet with its dazzling rings is all about keeping things together. Lesson: As we age, some things might start to feel a little . . . Hmm . . . Loosey-goosey? Embrace those wobbly bits, they come with a lifetime of mind bending stories!
• Uranus: This sideways planet with its tilted axis is basically the cosmic version of that Uncle who shows up to family gatherings with food stains on his shirt & outrageous conspiracy theories. Lesson: Aging can be a little off-kilter. We might develop some quirks. Our memories might get a little fuzzy. Our fashion sense might take a nosedive (or in Uranus’ case, a sideways dive). But at least we’re interesting, right?
• Neptune: This swirling blue giant is constantly bombarded by supersonic winds, making it the ultimate cosmic windbag. Lesson: We all get a little TMI windier with age. Maybe you become the neighborhood gossip? Or perhaps you just enjoy a good long-winded story (especially if it involves that time you saw a UFO that looked suspiciously like Uranus).

Embrace the bluster, but remember, if you don’t want to put your audience to sleep or saying “see you later,” sometimes a little silence is golden (unlike Neptune’s never-ending storm).

• Jupiter: The king of planets boasts a giant red spot, a persistent storm that’s been raging for centuries. Lesson: Aging can bring its share of storms. The predicted ones are aches, pains, & maybe even a grumpy streak that rivals Jupiter’s Great Red Spot.

But just like Jupiter, we can learn to manage these storms. Invest in some comfy clothes, find healthy ways to vent (like yelling into a pillow, not at your neighbors), & remember, even giant planets have calm patches.

Weird, Wild & Wonderful Dwarf Planet Aging Lessons

Now, let’s dive into the weirder side of the solar system & see what aging lessons we can glean from dwarf planet pals:

• Ceres: The disco ball of the asteroid belt, Ceres is a dwarf planet with a surprisingly blingy surface. It’s reflective! Lesson: As we age, we might develop a newfound appreciation for glitter & sequins. Embrace the sparkles, & remember, you’re never too old to rock a shiny disco ball outfit (as long as you don’t leave the house).
• Makemake: This chilly orb is covered in frozen methane, making it the chilliest dude in the cosmic neighborhood. Lesson: We all get a little colder to accepting new experiences as we age. Maybe that just means we appreciate a good for us protein shake & a warm blanket more. Plus, who needs a social life when you have a personal methane popsicle stash?
• Haumea: This oddball is shaped like a deflated football, spinning so fast it bulges in the middle. Lesson: Aging might make us feel a little less spherical. Having an irregular shape just means you’re one-of-a-kind, a regular cosmic Picasso sculpting your own unique form!

Embrace the wobbles & remember, a little spin can be a good thing (just maybe avoid emulating Haumea’s dizzying rotational speed). Slow & steady, make no sudden movements unless you love walking with a walker. Staying hip means not spinning to break your hip!

• Pluto (the honorary dwarf planet): Once the king of the cool kids, Pluto got demoted. But you know what? Pluto’s still out there, orbiting the sun & doing its own thing. Lesson: Don’t be afraid of losing your “cool” factor as you age.

Lastly, Let’s Adopt Eris As Leader For Aging

Eris: (the Disrupter of Geriatric Peace): Forget rocking chairs & bingo nights. Lesson: This tiny troublemaker of the Kuiper Belt is here to remind us that aging can be a glorious rebellion against the status quo! Sneaky ruckus maker in Plut’s hood, it teaches us we can still shake things up in our “Golden Years.”

Are you tired of “early snow bird” specials? Do you want to sleep in & be a fashionably late snow bird? Don’t let your wrinkly aged spotted fingers hold you back from learning the guitar either. Shred like there’s no tomorrow out in the garage.

Eris’ eccentric orbit is a bonus lesson for our social lives. Who needs a crowded room when you can be delightfully unpredictable that everyone whispers about? Show up to family gatherings with a pet iguana that fell from the tree. Serenade neighbors with an operatic rendition of your grocery list.

Like Eris we might no longer be the biggest players on the field of life anymore, but we pack a kick of experience & wisdom. Don’t underestimate the power of a well-timed sassy remark or a perfectly executed guilt trip.

Like Eris we might no longer be the biggest players on the field of life anymore, but we pack a kick of experience & wisdom. Don’t underestimate the power of a well-timed sassy remark or a perfectly executed guilt trip.

Endeavor to be more like Eris! Challenge expectations, stir the pot, & prove that aging can be a delightfully disruptive adventure. You’re not getting old, you’re becoming a cosmic anomaly, just like Eris!

Embrace your eccentricities & forge your own path in the aging cosmic dance of life. Aging is a cosmic adventure. It’s filled with twists, turns, & maybe a few mobility or health meteor showers. So, take a page from our planetary pals, laugh at the wrinkles, & keep on shining bright!

There you have it! Aging with these planets & dwarf planets is all about finding humor in the unexpected. We might not be perfectly round newbie planets anymore, but that just means we’ve got more interesting stories to tell. So, dust off your metaphorical 1970’s disco ball, grab a giant space nutritional shake, & celebrate the unique journey of aging!

“This aging thing? It’s basically an extended spring break from the tyranny of societal expectations. Time to embrace your wrinkles, forget the filters of others, & see how much fun you can have as a slightly rumpled & crumpled, but fabulous edition of yourself!” — Jerilee Wei © 2024