Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

Abstract

“Pick up some penis.” Is that code for, “We’re finally going to have sex after 92 months without?(I am exaggerating. . .a little.) Does she want me to stop at the dirty book store and pick up a dildo? Ain’t happening!I texted my son back while I was driving. I know, but this was an emergency. I had to know what the hell was going on!I texted, “Pleas lock at your last test ans eplain.” Yes, that’s exactly how I wrote it. It’s hard to hit those little buttons when you have sausage fingers, not wearing reading glasses, and trying to avoid cops, all while riding the bot dots the whole way.A few minutes later, he texted back, “Are you drunk? LOL!” So not in the mood for a 14 year-old smartass.So, I texted, “Look at last text. What does that mean?”He responds, “LOL! Mom wants you to pick up some penis.”“I am not picking up some penis. She can pick up her own!”Then I texted her. “What the hell? Why are you having your son text me to pick up some penis?”“WHAT?” she texted back. All texts. . .Me: “Don’t yell at me! I’m not the one who wants some penis!”Her: “You idiot. I need some peanuts for a recipe.”Me: “Oh, so you do NOT want some penis? Tonig # Options ht? Special occasion and all?”Her: “P-e-a-n-u-t-s!”Oh. Well, then. Let me just stop at the local store, where there are weird people walking around in full PPE gear, and get you your damn penis peanuts!So, I did. Plenty of people, lots of masks and gloves, and one lady had on full yellow PPE with hood, goggle, gloves, booties, and face shield.Plenty of food, too. So, I get her the damn penis peanuts. Sure as hell didn’t buy any flowers. I went home, feeling tired and hornery.Still didn’t know what to say, so I just said, “Well, I don’t really know how to do this since it is new to me but, Happy Anniversary?”With out looking up, she says, “Sure. Happy Anniversary.”Okay. That was fun. Hope we don’t have to do that again.“Pick up some penis. Really?” She says, laughing.Me: “Well, I didn’t know if it was secret code for you want to get laid tonight.”Her: “So I had our son send it? You are sick.” We both laugh.Long pause. . . . Me: “So, was it secret code for sex tonight?”Her: “No.”Me: “Good. Just kidding. Gotta work bright and early any way.”Went to bed. Penis! Ha! Stupid auto-correct.</article></body>

Damn Auto-Correct

Pick Up Some Penis? Whaat?

I do NOT understand that text

Photo by Dainis Graveris via Pexels Free Images

Okay. I am tired. Stressed from this pandemic, having to listen to that ass in the White House all day on the TV at work, employees calling into say they’re not sick, but don’t want to go to work, working over to fill empty positions for the week.

Plus, today is my 26th anniversary. Am I supposed to say Happy Anniversary to the woman I am divorcing? Should I get her a card? Flowers? Hell, I don’t know. Never been in this position before. . .and no one to ask.

Then I get the text from my 14 year old son. “Mom said to pick up some penis.”

I’m sorry. WHAT! And why is my son conveying that message? Is this some kind of sick “divorciversary” joke? (I think I just made up that word, but not sure.)

Okay. I am driving on the freeway. And, yes, I should not have looked at the phone. And, no, I shouldn’t have held the phone to the window of the car to show to the car passing me so she cold see what I am seeing. . .which she couldn’t see anyway.

“Pick up some penis.” Is that code for, “We’re finally going to have sex after 92 months without?(I am exaggerating. . .a little.) Does she want me to stop at the dirty book store and pick up a dildo? Ain’t happening!

I texted my son back while I was driving. I know, but this was an emergency. I had to know what the hell was going on!

I texted, “Pleas lock at your last test ans eplain.” Yes, that’s exactly how I wrote it. It’s hard to hit those little buttons when you have sausage fingers, not wearing reading glasses, and trying to avoid cops, all while riding the bot dots the whole way.

A few minutes later, he texted back, “Are you drunk? LOL!” So not in the mood for a 14 year-old smartass.

So, I texted, “Look at last text. What does that mean?”

He responds, “LOL! Mom wants you to pick up some penis.”

“I am not picking up some penis. She can pick up her own!”

Then I texted her. “What the hell? Why are you having your son text me to pick up some penis?”

“WHAT?” she texted back. All texts. . .

Me: “Don’t yell at me! I’m not the one who wants some penis!”

Her: “You idiot. I need some peanuts for a recipe.”

Me: “Oh, so you do NOT want some penis? Tonight? Special occasion and all?”

Her: “P-e-a-n-u-t-s!”

Oh. Well, then. Let me just stop at the local store, where there are weird people walking around in full PPE gear, and get you your damn penis peanuts!

So, I did. Plenty of people, lots of masks and gloves, and one lady had on full yellow PPE with hood, goggle, gloves, booties, and face shield.

Plenty of food, too. So, I get her the damn penis peanuts. Sure as hell didn’t buy any flowers. I went home, feeling tired and hornery.

Still didn’t know what to say, so I just said, “Well, I don’t really know how to do this since it is new to me but, Happy Anniversary?”

With out looking up, she says, “Sure. Happy Anniversary.”

Okay. That was fun. Hope we don’t have to do that again.

“Pick up some penis. Really?” She says, laughing.

Me: “Well, I didn’t know if it was secret code for you want to get laid tonight.”

Her: “So I had our son send it? You are sick.” We both laugh.

Long pause. . . . Me: “So, was it secret code for sex tonight?”

Her: “No.”

Me: “Good. Just kidding. Gotta work bright and early any way.”

Went to bed. Penis! Ha! Stupid auto-correct.