Pet Peeves

A Random Collection of Things I Hate

Okay, I realize the use of the word hate is not popular or looked upon as acceptable these days, but I’m getting ready to unleash the Kraken so buckle up. What you are about to read may seem like a bunch of unrelated things to you, but they have one common thread. These are all things that really tick me off. I don’t know about you, but when I get overwhelmed by stuff like this, my therapy is to shout it out to the world.

So here goes…

1. When you are driving on a two-lane winding road with double yellow stripes and there is an obstruction in your lane such as a mail truck or bicycle rider, do NOT cross the yellow line and drive directly at me so that I need to slam on my brakes to avoid a head-on collision. If the obstruction is on your side of the lines, then it is YOU who have to slow down, or G-d forbid, maybe even stop. I will never understand the self-important attitude that says “Get the f*ck out of my way, nothing is going to mess up my rhythm.”

2. When you are driving down a three-lane highway and the car in your lane is going too slow, do NOT cut me off by jumping in front of me in my lane when there is not enough room. Why should I have to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting you, so you don’t have to break your stride? It’s likely the exact same driver who I met on the two-lane road mentioned in #1.

3. When you are pushing your shopping cart up and down aisles in a grocery store, slow down when you get to the end of each aisle to see if someone is coming across. Do NOT come charging out of the end of your aisle at full speed and then act surprised, or worse, rude, if you hit someone with your cart. It’s bad enough how narrow the aisles are already and trying to navigate between elderly people who block the way and take fifteen minutes to pick out the mayo they want or the magpies who meet each other in the store and catch up (go get a f*cking cup of coffee somewhere, for crying out loud) without also having to fear for my safety as I walk across the store.

4. If your dog craps in my yard, clean it up. I know you saw him do it. ‘Nuff said.

5. If I upset you, just tell me, damn it. The hateful glances, whispers with your friends and cold shoulder are not mature ways of dealing with it. Why is it so hard to just spit it out? Isn’t it better to say what you think and deal with the response? I guess the Queens girl in me would just rather duke it out and then have a make-up drink.

6. If you are working in a store serving people, be nice. Customer service is #1, just like the commercials say. If you are unpleasant, I am less likely to come back and spend my hard-earned money. If a lot of people stop coming for the same reason, you are likely to be laid off because of a drop in business, or just outright fired for your gnarly-ness. Business 101. We all have bad days; leave it at home. How would you like me, as a teacher, to take out my stress on your child? I thought so.

7. Use your manners. For cryin’ outloud, do I really need to say this?? Please, thank you, excuse me, sorry, can I hold that door for you, can I help you reach that…These are social niceties that go a long way towards making the world a more pleasant place. Also, as my husband likes to remind me: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Kill ’em with kindness and they won’t know what hit ’em. Take your choice of homey sayings- they are all true. Thanks.

8. Automated phone systems, ARGH!! How about press 1 to charge you a dollar for every number I have to press and every minute it takes me to reach a human being, all while listening to aggravating sounds loosely defined as “music.”

9. Be quiet in the theater during a live play. Just be quiet. Is it that hard? I know in some cultures responding to what’s on the screen is just the way it’s done and I can respect that; but at least in live theater, don’t. The actors need to focus, and I paid a shit ton of money for the tickets and don’t care about your bad date or bad haircut or bad boss. Go out for a drink and bitch there.

10. Stop throwing litter out of your car window while you are driving. I get that you don’t want a messy car. But I don’t want a messy planet. Planet trumps car, keep a plastic bag in your car until you find a garbage can.

This Last One is More Than a Pet Peeve

11. Take care of your children, most especially the littlest of them. If you do not think this is important, then please don’t give birth to them. This qualifies as more than a pet peeve; this causes me actual anguish. Among the many things you should not do: DON’T take them to a casino and leave them sitting outside the gambling floor while you spend their grocery money. I have seen babies and elementary school-age children there. I’m not sure why this is legal. Also, DON’T allow them to run through active parking lots. They are too short to be seen by drivers. Hold their hands.

Safety and health first in all decisions relating to raising children. Do the fucking work. You brought them into this world, take care of them.

Gee, I feel better.

I know nothing is going to change, but at least I got it off my mind. Anything bugging you? Feel free to share in the comments. :)

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Thanks for reading! You might enjoy this article I wrote about something I love, too.

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