Peru and Ayahuasca Diaries
August 14th, Monday — Getting Ready for the First Ceremony
Time: 07:02
I woke up at 6:30. The weather is windy and cool. I’m not sure if anyone else has woken up yet. I saw the girl when she came out of the toilet and headed to her room (I will ask their names again today). Her hut is about 40–50 meters away from mine.
I took my regular prescribed medication, which I must continue without fail. I left my antidepressant and sleeping pills behind, when I set out on the journey, even though they also are prescribed. Because I want my mind to be clear and have the ayahuasca effect as much as possible.
Before breakfast, I decided to take a walk to get a sense of my surroundings and to charge my phone.
After a short stroll around, I took a shower.
There are two cabins for showering. One of them has a regular door, but the water flow there can be a bit inconsistent, shutting itself off at times. The other cabin has a good flow, but it doesn’t have a proper door. More precisely, the door that should be there is propped up against the entrance, where seven bees are busily working on a hive behind it. These are the bees that stung me earlier this evening because as far as I now understand, I disturbed them while trying to open the door (Edit: During this week I had been stung once more by them).
Anyway, taking a shower was fantastic. There are no mirrors in the bathroom, the room, or anywhere else. I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, and applied deodorant and lotion. I feel good right now.
Breakfast was at 8:00. After a good night’s sleep, I finally learned the names of the other two people, and the mealtimes as well. The man’s name is Tom, and the girl’s name is Margreth. After finishing breakfast, Tom went back to his room. Margreth and I had a chat. She showed me the ayahuasca tree. The big vine next to the kitchen is ayahuasca. It’s prepared by boiling the bark of ayahuasca vine with chacruna leaves.
After breakfast, I grabbed my chamomile tea and went back to my room. Some yoga and, if possible, a short nap would be nice.
Being in this place, or preparing emotionally and physically for this entire experience, has a strange effect. Although I haven’t drunk ayahuasca yet, since I arrived, I’ve been constantly experiencing various emotions and thoughts, sometimes with a sudden, inexplicable urge to cry. When I close my eyes, a purple light comes, it dissipates like smoke, and then fades out. Many emotions, things that have taken up much space in my life, or entirely unrelated people. A colleague from a thousand years ago at that job, the guy who lived upstairs in the other apartment, that simit seller I saw on my way to work… It’s so weird that they come to my mind out of nowhere and disappear at the same speed.
Since I arrived, the time that has passed feels like a constant meditative state. If I think about it, a lot of time has passed since I got here, and only about 1 hour of that time was spent with others. The rest of the time, I have been alone by myself. In all this silence, I have been alone with my thoughts and the purple smoke. During this time, I have realized that there are no closed rooms here. These structures are designed to protect from the weather to some extent, they are semi-open and made of reeds. There is a wind blowing, birds singing, and the sound of insects. The weather is warm, and the touch and smell of it are delightful.
Ten years ago, I had initiated my journey towards self-discovery and self-love. Back then, the contract I made with Tony (*) at the Essence seminar was “I am a woman who deserves to be loved”. Making a contract meant committing to keep this motto in my mind and heart, and to continue my life with this knowledge and belief. When I look back from where I’ve come, I see that I have fulfilled this contract, and even added new ones to it. I have become a woman worthy of love, deeply loved, and full of love. Just a while ago, while sharing with Maggie how my friends and family had supported me on this journey with so much love, I thought of this once again. I know that I have brought that great love from my life and within me here as well.
I am thinking about the changes that have taken place in the past 10 years. I look at what I wanted to do, what I have been able to do so far, what is left undone, what I have exceeded, what makes me happy, where I want to go, or where I am going.
I already feel that this place will help me find my way, even though I haven’t taken ayahuasca yet.
(*) Tony Wiseman : Founder of the Outlook, Essence, Summit personal development seminars
The last meal before the ceremony was lunch, at 12:00. This will be my last chance to eat before the ceremony, which is scheduled for 20:30. To avoid vomiting the medication, it is necessary to fast and stop drinking water at least 2 hours before the ceremony. Drinking too much water can lead to vomiting before the proper time, so it is not recommended.
I will continue with the ceremony details in the next section. :)
