Respectful Parenting

Perspective Shift in Respectful Parenting

When you see the world through your child’s lens only then you will understand their behaviour.

The First Step in Respectful Parenting — Perspective Shift

Respectful parenting starts with a simple perspective shift. To see all children in the whole world, through a new lens. All children are beautiful, wonderful, perfect, innocent, pure, creative, motivated, lovely, compassionate, kind and loving.

It’s only when we begin to view our own children in this light that respectful parenting can truly take root. With this new lens comes patience and understanding — two essential ingredients for creating a positive and lasting relationship with our kids.

We won’t get very far without it. So let’s start today by seeing our children for who they really are — perfect, whole and complete. From this place, everything else will fall into place.

What is Respectful Parenting Anyway?

Respectful parenting is about so much more than just being polite to your kids or using gentle words. It’s a way of relating to your children that is based on mutual respect, empathy and a deep understanding of their feelings and needs.

When you parent from a place of respect, you see your child as an individual with his or her own unique thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. You listen to what they have to say and take their opinions seriously. You also give them the space to explore their emotions, even if they don’t always make sense to you.

Ultimately, respectful parenting is about creating a relationship with your child that is built on trust, open communication, and a shared sense of warmth and connection.

Why Respectful Parenting Matters

While it might seem like a lot of work to parents from a place of respect, it’s actually the simplest and most effective way to build a strong, healthy relationship with your child.

When you show respect for your child, you’re sending the message that they are valuable and worthy of being treated with care. This helps them to feel good about themselves and builds their self-esteem. It also models how they should treat others, which is an important lesson for all of us.

Respectful parenting also paves the way for open communication.

So What is Perspective Shift in Respectful Parenting?

Parenting from a different perspective involves more than just consciously choosing to do so. It modifies one’s life. It involves viewing the world through your child’s lens.

In other words, it means that you begin to see the world from your child’s perspective. You start to understand their feelings and needs. You see things from their point of view.

And when you do this, everything changes. You parent from a place of love instead of fear.

You just can’t think in terms of consequences, compliance, and children’s faults once you change the way you view kids.

You see them as capable, competent human beings who are doing the best they can.

They are not trying to drive you crazy or make your life difficult. They are just trying to figure out this thing called life, with a logical part of brain that is not fully developed and emotional part of brain that is fully developed.

Children can only be seen as people who are expressing their needs, wants, and abilities. Because it is no longer pertinent, you find yourself unable to pose the question, “How do I get them to stop?” Instead, you naturally and immediately ask yourself and occasionally your children “what’s going on?” and go toward regulating their feelings.

So How Does Perspective Shift Work?

In our hearts we know that all children are beautiful, wonderful, perfect, innocent, pure, creative, motivated, lovely, compassionate, kind, and loving. But we often forget that in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Which is understandable when you have to face a toddler’s or teenager’s big emotions 20th time that day.

When we don’t see the above listed qualities in the kids or when we notice something unfavourable, it’s a clue that something is wrong and we need to meet a need that they can’t express.

You have to accept that children owe us nothing. This is the truth and the memo they received when they came to this world. This is true for children of all age group.

This does not mean that we don’t hold them accountable for their choices and behaviours, but we do just that depending upon the maturity of the child and the deed.

What I mean is that they certainly are accountable for their acts but not responsible.

Holding them accountable is significantly different than believing that they are responsible. And they purposely make poor choices to spite us.

Let me give you an example

A 4 years old pushed his sibling.

We will stop him and inform him that pushing is not allowed, however keep in mind he did it because of how emotions react when threatened or jealous from the primitive part of our brain which can lead to higher levels aggression.

How do you hold him Accountable?

You can’t push, I’m sorry. I realize that having your sibling around must be difficult for you. Is there any way you might express your emotions to me? could we please talk about what is happening between the two of them?

What not to do?

You should not hold him responsible or blame him: Never push your sister/brother! Why do you push her so often? What’s the matter with you?

A 15-year-old boy doesn’t complete his homework and his grades are falling.

We converse with him calmly to try and figure out the issue. We understand that he is not trying to be difficult or “just have fun.” However, we know there must be something else going on.

How do you hold him accountable?

I noticed your grades have been slipping, your homework is not complete. What’s going on? How can I help?

What not to do?

You should not hold him responsible or blame him: You’re so lazy! You’re never going to amount to anything! Why can’t you be more like your sister? I am so disappointed in you. Don’t do it again

The Bottom Line

To sum it up, Respectful Parenting is the best parenting style. It is based on the philosophy that all children are worthy of respect, and that they are people with their own needs, wants, and abilities.

If we want to be respectful parents, it is essential that we have a complete perspective shift. We must aim high — for a 10 — rather than being content with where we are e.g 6. Once we realize that children are never at fault and always try their best, then our parenting techniques need to change too. The same goes for any other realizations or epiphanies in life: when the truth becomes clear, everything else looks blurry by comparison.

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