On My High Horse — Giddyup

Personal Pushback: What the Hell Is Wrong with Appreciating Someone?

When did we become Everything Police? Calm down and tolerate

Our 21st Century ability to interact with anybody anywhere without looking into their eyes has created Everything Police (EP). On Medium, they taught me that using the words “I appreciate you” is crass, phony, and annoying. Who knew

Hypothetically, it came about like this (a fictionalized account)

I sit and read a story carefully. The subject, the writing, the author, impact me. I react.

For fifty years, I thought that’s why writing existed. That’s why Medium.com is here. To share ideas that cause a response.

I clap however many times I clap, and maybe I highlight — even though that brings out highlight cops. Then, still mulling over the story, I click the comment balloon. I engage my keyboard. I consider how I feel — how I reacted.

(Ominous Dragnet music plays here.)

I type. “I appreciate you and your work. You showed me blah blah blah…”

An avalanche of comments and subcomments follows. I’m truly surprised all of the respondents are women. Why? Shrug. The EP said:

“I can’t stand when people comment, ‘I appreciate you.’ What’s with that?”

“What happened to a good old ‘thank you?’ How puffed up to make that traditional expression three words instead of two.”

“Gawd! What kind of person has to call attention to themselves by appreciating?”

(And a dozen more — with exclamation marks.)

Wait! Hold it! Back the bus up!

Mea culpa. Maybe I should have known intuitively that thank you is the only appropriate response. I’m thick-headed, impulsive. I choose words purposefully. I will continue to read Medium stories carefully and show writers their work impacted me.

Thank you is when my husband brings me tea. Or when a stranger opens a door for me. Or someone compliments my attire. Someone does something for me. Now I’m going to split hairs.

You write a story. You hope to earn a few cents. You write for an audience, not for me. You may write to please yourself. Any benefit is indirect for all who read you. Instead of slapping a thank you on the story, I am apt to craft a beefier remark.

Why must I thank you? You would have written the story even if I were abducted by aliens.

I comment, “You made my day.” “You taught me something.” Or “I appreciate you.” (HORRORS!) And you can infer that I found your work a cut above. I’m glad I stopped to read. I’ll read again.

Cops behind every rock on Medium

I suck at following rules. Always have.

I clap a random number of times via my random method to indicate varying enthusiasm. If I highlight, I do it only to pick out something extraordinary. Some writers insist on 50 claps or die.

I don’t follow for follow. People bark about that.

I don’t stop at stop signs in private parking lots with no traffic either.

Elite writers, the cream of the crop with ten thousand followers, make time to expound on readers not measuring up to writers’ expectations. For me, anyone who spends time appreciating my writing is solid gold. I’ll continue to appreciate them.

SIDEBAR: In the American South, “I appreciate you” is traditional, indicating that I value the person and their efforts, not just the benefit to me. In Hindi, मैं आपकी सराहना करता हूं (pronounced: main aapakee saraahana karata hoon) is “I appreciate.” Think of it like this: I recognize with gratitude; am grateful for; am fully aware of; realize fully.

To appreciate someone indicates that I looked more carefully and recognized real value and excellent quality — it expresses something personal. I bet if the EP could pause a moment before trashing language a little fuller from a different tradition, they might understand the nuance.

Or we could all keep hammering out “Thank you.”

I appreciate you because you make time to be here.