Summary

Vishal Mehta shares his journey of overcoming perfectionism, which was causing significant stress and anxiety in his personal and professional life, by adopting principles from his hobbies and embracing imperfection.

Abstract

The author, Vishal Mehta, candidly discusses the detrimental effects of his perfectionist tendencies, which began in childhood and persisted into his adult life, causing stress not only for himself but also for his family, friends, and colleagues. His relentless pursuit of perfection led to anxiety, frustration, and a reluctance to take risks. However, through his hobbies, which he did not subject to the same perfectionist standards, Mehta learned valuable life lessons about accepting imperfection. He eventually applied these lessons to his work, adopting new rules such as accepting mistakes, forgiving himself, avoiding comparisons, focusing on the process rather than the outcome, and celebrating accomplishments. While he still harbors a secret desire for perfection, he has become more relaxed about attaining it, and he shares his insights along with a poem by Shruthi Sundaram that reflects on life and death.

Opinions

Perfectionism is portrayed as a harmful compulsion that can lead to stress, anxiety, and missed opportunities.
The author acknowledges the impact of his perfectionism on his loved ones and colleagues, recognizing the burden it placed on them.
Engaging in hobbies without the pressure of perfectionism provided a contrasting experience of joy and relaxation, which the author initially failed to apply to other areas of his life.
The transformation from a perfectionist mindset to a more balanced approach involved a conscious effort to accept human imperfections and to value the process of growth.
The article suggests that personal development is a continuous journey, with occasional lapses into old habits, but the author emphasizes the importance of using learned tools to overcome these moments.
Mehta encourages readers to support writers by signing up for a membership, indicating his belief in the value of shared experiences and insights through writing.

SELF IMPROVEMENT

Perfectionism Was Ruining My Life

Here’s what I did to overcome my attitude after years of misery

I have always been ‘guilty’ of being a perfectionist.

My Compulsion — My Misery

I was the kid who would spend hours on my homework, making sure that it was perfect. I would agonize over every detail until everything was just right.

As I got older, this compulsion to be perfect followed me into my professional life. I was always striving for excellence, and I refused to put anything out there that wasn’t perfect.

This obsession with perfectionism was ruining my life. It caused me a lot of stress and anxiety, and it prevented me from taking risks.

I was always so worried about making a mistake that I never ended up doing anything new. And because I was never satisfied with my work, I was always in a state of constant frustration.

Others’ Suffering

My attitude also caused a lot of stress and anxiety for my family, friends, and colleagues. They all had to put up with my incessant need for perfection, and it has been a lot of work for them.

My family has always been supportive of me, but they have also been frustrated by my behavior — my repeated nagging about the smallest things I would expect from them, that actually didn’t matter at all.

My friends have been more patient with me, but they also often expressed their desire for me to relax, be practical and enjoy life. As for my colleagues — well, I feel they just don’t understand me at all.

But I’m guilty — of putting others through the ‘extra’ work and pressure of achieving perfection, even when completely unnecessary.

Hobbies Taught Me a Life Lesson

Right from my childhood days until now, I have been fortunate to develop and pursue various hobbies — sketching, chess, photography, singing, writing, etc.

In hindsight, I never tried to apply ‘perfectionism’ to any of my hobbies. Hence, those activities always remained stress-free — not just for me but for my near ones as well.

Those were my constant getaways. And yet I couldn’t learn and apply for years — the ‘happiness’ principles behind my hobbies— to my professional and other activities that were infected with my pursuit for perfectionism.

Eventually, after tons of advice from well-wishers, self-help articles, and practice — I started applying some basic rules that helped me get rid of my obsessive compulsion.

Here goes..

I accepted that mistakes are part of life.
I learned to forgive myself (and others) for mistakes.
I stopped comparing myself to others.
I allowed myself to be imperfect.
I focused more on the process, not on the outcome.
I celebrated my accomplishments (task completions), even if they were not perfect.

Secretly, I still strive for perfection but am more chilled if it doesn’t happen. Sometimes I slip into my old behavior and frustrations, but I quickly remind myself of the tools that blurred the lines between my hobbies and my work.

Let me take this opportunity to share a nice poem by Shruthi Sundaram that says some profound things on life and death:

You Have To Die, To Be Reborn Again

A (kind of) poem

medium.com

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