Perfectionism Is Self-abuse
Let go.
Perfectionism is self-abuse. As a recovering perfectionist and Type A personality I speak from experience.
Perfectionism masks procrastination
Perfectionists have high expectations.
When my perfectionist tendencies creep in, in my mind, it’s better to not do something at all than to do it, and it not be done right or perfectly.
This fixed mindset stops me before I even start; especially in my writing practice.
This mindset — some refer to it as writer’s block — will stifle a creative person’s writing, and is a sure-fire way to stop you from fulfilling your dreams.
While perfectionists are often very detailed oriented and organized and plan ahead, we often put off tasks we don’t feel thoroughly competent doing.
We often feel like things are never “ready” and can be self-critical; this also looks an awful lot like procrastination.
The Procrastinator
- Fear of commitment
- Fear of getting started
- Fear of making a mistake — stops us from taking risks and trying new things.
- Spends an excessive amount of time researching, planning, and organizing (Me, me, me).
While planning, researching, and organizing all have their place in the creative process, all represent motion and not necessarily action. Action creates results over motion. Organizing and learning can become a substitute for taking action.
My perfectionism is serving a purpose; not to be seen.
Fear of being vulnerable
We struggle with perfectionism in areas where we feel most vulnerable to shame.
If we are perfect, we can avoid judgment and minimize criticism and ridicule. It is a shield we wear, hoping to protect us from getting hurt when in truth, it keeps us from being seen.
If you want to a writer — one with an audience — you need to be read. You need to share.
Some days when I a feeling particularly vulnerable to criticism and have a hard time reading even the positive comments about my work, and the negative ones make me want to pull a blanket over my head and eat a pint of Haagen Dazs, preferably Belgian Chocolate. The negative comments are easy to believe.
Fear of failure
Fear of failure keeps us from our true selves.
I’m fooling myself into thinking if I don’t share my writing or anything creative I put my heart and soul into then I can’t get hurt, when in fact, perfectionism keeps me from my authentic self. I’m deluding myself into thinking that if I don’t try, then I can’t fail.
Not trying is failing, failing to become who I am, who I am meant to be, failing to stretch and grow in my work.
The real failure is allowing the uncomfortable feelings of not being good enough rob me of the opportunity for growth, and the possibility of becoming a better writer.
This is what perfectionism looks like; it scares you out of doing because nothing is ever perfect. There isn’t a perfect blog post. One’s writing gets better over time through practice. You need to suck first.
Being perfect is not the goal. If that is your goal, you may as well do nothing, because it’s never going to be perfect.
As Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, and best selling author says,
“When you are trying to be perfect at everything, perfectionism is driving; shame is riding shotgun and fear is the annoying backseat driver.”
The cure for perfectionism: Just Do It.
Stop striving for something that doesn’t exist.
Instead of striving for perfectionism, aim for being the best version of yourself you can be, and if you are a writer, the best you can do at the time.
One of the best ways to overcome perfectionism is by feeling whatever feelings are stopping you — anxiety, fear, shame, “not good enough” syndrome, comparison syndrome — and do that thing you are scared of doing anyway.
Healthy striving is internally focused, “I want to be the best I can be” vs. perfectionism, “What will people think?” Doing the best you can at that time is authentic; it means you are showing up.
It is a choice you make every day, to show up and let yourself be seen. Choosing to write and share your work is allowing yourself to be seen.
Strategies for overcoming fear and perfectionism
Set firm deadlines. Setting firm deadlines can help cure perfectionism.
I set a firm deadline of posting on Medium once a day, and have an accountability partner for my writing. I have to check in with my accountability partner daily to let him know I have completed at least one hour of writing a day. When I don’t check-in, my accountability partner checks in with me.
I set a hard deadline in my editorial calendar that I have no choice but to meet. One post on Medium per day for 90 days. I made this experiment public to keep myself honest and accountable.
Having a hard/fixed deadline, a date that is not too far out (less than a week) and more “real,” will make it more likely you stick to the deadline.
Posting one post per day or five per week or three per day — whatever works for you — is a clear deadline, making it easy to stick with, making your goals more attainable.
Let go
Let go of the false security blanket of perfectionism.
Living in fear is not a place for growth. Holding onto perfectionism and not doing what you love is a crisis of confidence brought on by shame and fear. Shame slams you with two reoccurring thoughts; “You are not good enough” and “Who do you think you are?”
For me this is my inner critic on a relentless loop in my head playing on repeat telling me, “How dare you to think you are good enough to post on a platform with writers who are so much better than you.”
Ignore the tape, or push pause, or stop it and play another tape. You can’t do anything brave, like sharing your creativity, with the straightjacket of perfectionism, and the “what will people think” thought lurking behind everything you do or every choice you make.
I know this post isn’t perfect, but I’m not allowing perfectionism to be in the driver’s seat anymore. I’m striving for the best I can do at this time and letting myself be seen.
Jessica is a writer, an online entrepreneur, and a recovering Type A personality. She lives in Los Angeles with her extrovert daughter, two dogs, and two cats.
