Perfectionism Holds Us Back From Getting Big Stuff Done
Take the leap and cancel your inner critic when it whispers these discouraging thoughts in your ear
If you’re a perfectionist like me, you have a compulsion to do things well … really, really well! It’s an unrelenting taskmaster.
Sure, it means that quality is a hallmark of our accomplishments.
But when being driven to produce our best work becomes perfectionism, it can actually stop us in our tracks. We become paralyzed with taking the next step to avoid a mistake. We put off finishing what we started or what we dream about achieving.
Yet think about how much more we could attain if we knew how to dial back the limiting beliefs that accompany perfectionism!
“Clutter-free living” is my example here for the devious ways perfectionism deters progress. But feel free to substitute whatever goal of yours is languishing because of your need to be nothing less than perfect.
Here are three ways that perfectionism hinders our success. Learn to recognize when it’s time to shift with small steps so you can get things done anyway.
- We Don’t Get Started
Think about it: the internal pressure to do something perfectly can become so intense, we postpone doing anything unless we know we can nail it.
We talk about how we ought to edit our overflowing wardrobe. We readily agree that our kitchen cabinets are beyond overdue for decluttering. We know it’s time to plow through our boxes of pictures and photo albums. But our effort stops there.
After all, shouldn’t we first research the best way to declutter? Then what to do with everything: Sell? Donate? Toss? And what if the kids want some stuff? What if we toss the wrong things? Etc., etc., etc.
For a perfectionist, the first step is usually the hardest one to take.
We may not consciously think about it, but if we don’t start, we don’t risk being mediocre with the task. It’s fear of failure … of appearing “less than” … that results in the first hard stop of perfectionism.
The resolution: Reset yourself!
Sit for a bit and close your eyes. Take a deep breath through your nostrils. Hold for three beats. Now slowly exhale through your mouth. Pause. Open your eyes.
Then just start small. Pick a room and work on one counter, one drawer, or one closet. Set a timer and keep it short. With daily 20-30 minute sessions, think how that will add up to tangible progress.
And along the way, you can always fine-tune your approach.
You don’t need to have it all figured out right out of the gate. Spoiler alert: few do!
But you do need to begin, right?
2. We Struggle With Making Decisions
When we do finally move ahead with clearing space, our things take on heightened meaning.
Pitching ordinary items like mismatched food storage containers or stained clothing is a no brainer. But uncover the stash of birthday cards from your kids or your Rolling Stones T-shirt … now what?
The tension rises in our chest or fills our gut. Our emotions are in a tizzy as we seesaw with indecisiveness over which sentimental items to release.
Perfectionism strikes as we struggle to make the right choices. And then when we can’t choose, we choose to stop once again.
The resolution: Pause for an emotional gut check!
Is it sadness? Worry or fear? Think about why you’re feeling the emotion. Negative emotions can be quite revealing: they are clues to what holds us back from moving ahead.
For example, when it comes to sentimental things, it’s common to associate an item with a person or an event. So it follows that we are unable to let go of the thing. After all, it’s like throwing away our loved one or our past!
Yet remember: the item was given to or made for you with love.
A gift is about the intention of the donor, not the actual thing.
Now remind yourself of your goal: clutter free living. Savor the fond memories arising as you sift through your stuff. Retain just a few of the items that best reflect the giver and the memories you love the most.
And then let go of the rest.
3. We Feel The Weight Of The Unfinished Task
When decluttering gets difficult, we tell ourselves any number of stories about why we need to stop now.
Perhaps we don’t have the time to finish such a big initiative. Or that we have room for all our stuff after all. Maybe even that we can get to it some other time.
Yet deep down, we know it makes sense to do this now. It’s time to let go of what we don’t need or use anymore. Time to release the excess throughout the house.
So once again, perfectionism gnaws at us. On the outside, it’s business as usual. But on the inside, we feel conflicted. This is exactly why we are challenged with diving into this big project!
The resolution: Less spiraling, more doing!
When we start ruminating about getting this done perfectly, it’s time to pause again for perspective. We can sure be hard on ourselves, can’t we? So take another deep breath here.
Adopt a more expansive mantra: progress, not perfection.
In other words, don’t let the “all or nothing” outlook shelve your decluttering project indefinitely.
Instead, embrace the notion that this is not a race. No one is watching or judging you! Well, maybe someone is— but they need something better to do, don’t you think?
As perfectionists, we are our own worst critics. It’s possible we felt judged a long time ago, when we were very young. It may not have been over something significant—doesn’t matter. The point is, we adopted the habit of perfectionism to protect ourselves from feeling “less than”.
But now it’s time to shake that off because it’s exhausting. Start with little steps and log your progress. Refer to this when you feel unaccomplished.
Remember: this is your decluttering journey. You get to set the pace, no one else. And you can also choose to loop back and prune some more as you go.
Uncluttering is rarely a one and done, nor is it a simple linear path.
Ultimately, it’s really our habits formed by our mindset and our emotions that lead to the clutter in our lives. Shift how you respond and take a step closer to clutter-free living.
And remember this, too: You are right on schedule!
How do you get started and keep going when your inner critic starts speaking smack to you? I’m all ears for other ways to mute that relentless little voice!