Perfection and Anxiousness: Why do you let life pass you by?

I always liked writing but never paid attention. More on that here

I was just on autopilot, existing without living, going through the motions daily. I was so obsessed with the race that I forgot to check if I was running in my lane.

I did a lot of research — as I often do — regarding how to find my passion. The research was not useless by any means because it was the catalyst for the start of my journey. However, all the articles, blog posts, and Youtube videos didn’t exactly give me a clear idea of what I wanted to do. They did, though, provide some insight as to how to approach this simple task — it is just my life after all. “Pick something that will keep you meaningfully engaged and embracive of progress.” Notice that it says progress and not perfection.

I think that was my biggest problem, but I’ve worked on it a lot since then. As humans, we have that desire not to lose. For instance, if you were to lose $100, the anger felt from that is greater than the joy received if you were to gain the same amount of money. Feel free to adjust the amount to whatever gets you annoyed, but the point remains the same.

I was always looking for perfection and finetuning every single detail. Don’t get me wrong, I like that I’m very passionate about the things I’m interested in, however, it’s not that useful as a long-term strategy.

I was always focused on “quality not quantity”, and that slowed me down considerably because everything just had to be “perfect”. I’m still that way, but I’ve been able to manage it a lot better and start doing instead of thinking all the bloody time. This has really helped me improve and be more productive, it’s pretty hard to finish writing something if you know — don’t write.

Perfectionism is very handy when thinking of long-term possibilities and consequences, less so when you’re trying to make progress and move forward in life. I’ve always lived my life thinking of the next five steps after making a decision and contemplating whether a better one could have been made. Let me make it easier for both yourself and me — you will never know. I believe that my responsibility to myself as an individual is to make the choices I believe to be the most sensible at the time a decision has to be made. However, you have to be truthful with yourself for this, there’s no one watching, it’s just you. Did you truly make the best decision all things considered? If the answer is yes, you did make the right choice. If the answer is no, there is no changing the outcome, you’re going to have to forgive yourself. If you caused harm or distress to another, then you’re going to have to ask for forgiveness. This is where humility comes in because it’s really hard to let go of pride. I know, I speak from experience.

As I stumbled upon meditations by Marcus Aurelius, I learned a lot of lessons. One of which was to prevent oneself from being deceived by false perceptions. Often, we feel worse than we should about an outcome because of the labels put on it — “good” and “bad”. Sometimes, it just “is”. Life’s tough and we’ve all got problems, why burden ourselves with extra baggage? I know it’s tough to frame negative experiences in a positive light but what other alternative is there? Sit down and wallow in despair? Eventually, you’re going to have to stand up and move on. This doesn’t mean that you become immune to “negative” experiences or criticisms. However, it gives you the strength to move forward in life and conquer your suffering.

Learning to be free and forgive yourself might take some time, however, I know for a fact that it’s made me a lot calmer and less anxious. So, to all my worriers out there:

If eventually, it isn’t the “right” choice, there is nothing wrong with making mistakes — “that’s why pencils have erasers”. Making mistakes help you ensure they never happen again. We are only human, we learn, develop, and mature over time. This is not a recipe for reckless behavior and nonchalant thinking, you need to be an active participant in life and ensure it doesn’t pass you by.

I want you, the reader, to think of this as a guide to help achieve progress and freedom from guilt that always leaves you thinking “what if I did X or Y?”, the truth of the matter is that you didn’t, and you can’t change what happened. Focus on what you can control and take care of that — your friends, family, mindset, and community (wherever that may be). Do the best you can with maximal effort, that’s all anyone can ask for — including yourself.

Signing out

Tony

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