People Who Share Their Views On Childbirth Are Stronger Together
And no, it’s not about scaring first-time mothers, it’s about supporting them when things get ugly
When I wrote my article Women Still Don’t Say It As It Is About Giving Birth And It Drives Me Mad, I never thought I would start getting so many comments and reactions a month later.
Most of these comments came from people who related to my story and were glad I had brought awareness.
Unfortunately, not everybody who read it liked it.
In a couple of cases, people left “rude” messages in the comments. But, hey! They say that you know you are doing something right when you start to get haters!
For those who thought otherwise, my intention wasn’t to scare first-time mums but to encourage those who had had a tough time giving birth to talk about their experiences without feeling embarrassed.
I’m sorry to break it to you but life sometimes is like a horror story. So “get on with it and stop being a snowflake.”
Why do you think horror movies exist in the first place? Where do you think they come from? Unfortunately, some of them are based on true life stories.
But as my writer friend Tracy Fahey always says, once a text is out in the world, it doesn’t belong to the writer anymore and people are allowed to get mad with what you have produced, even when the story you wrote wasn’t meant in the way readers interpret it.
Next!
Some of the lovely people behind the comments
The purpose of this article is to thank everybody who read my story and who shared their experiences openly in a constructive way with me and others.
Among those comments, there are midwives, educators, stay-at-home mums, army vets, therapists, designers, coaches, psychiatrists, dentists, artists, behaviour analysts, professors and people from different backgrounds, ages, genders and ideas.
What we all have in common:
- Empathy for other people’s suffering
- Respect for other people’s points of view
- Experiences with body pain
- Good and bad experiences with patients
- Good and bad experiences with professionals
- A need to create awareness about our bodies
- A need to offer different alternatives
- We don’t sugarcoat our experiences
- We want to be heard
- We want to have healthy conversations
- We appreciate constructive criticism
Lessons I have learnt from writing about my experience giving birth
Interacting and connecting with people worldwide is great to see how many things we share with them, but it is also good to see in what ways we can differ.
I have learnt many things from all the different angles people found in my story.
Here you have some of the main learnings I have come up with regarding childbirth:
- We are all more alike than we think.
- Even mothers who have given birth multiple times were told they didn’t know how to push.
- There are similarities and differences in the health system regarding home birth and hospitalised birth in different countries. In both spaces, professionals are taking action to change their approach toward the female body.
- There’s more to motherhood than giving birth. The psychological support during the following days, weeks and even months are almost inexistent.
- Some women can be very nasty towards other women and this can go both ways: from those who suffered during childbirth and create anxiety to those who are new to the game, and from those who have had wonderful births and think they know better when they tell you it’s all about the power of your own mind and trusting your body.
Lessons you can also learn after reading people’s feedback on your stories
Receiving feedback on our stories is always scary. You never know when you are going to touch a nerve and get an angry reaction.
Remember you can’t please everybody.
So after you read all the comments and have interacted with everybody who left a note, these are the lessons you can start putting into practice in your future articles and in life in general.
- Concentrating on the comments of people that connect with your story is crucial if you want to keep producing content they find useful.
- It’s important not to ignore the strident messages, as they also have useful information you can apply to your next post. But make sure you don’t get paranoid with those.
- Use comments that make you uncomfortable to work on your own shadow. Ask yourself questions such as: Why is this affecting me? What is the source of that discomfort?
- Don’t criticise or judge yourself for getting angry with certain comments. Just embrace your feeling, integrate it and move on.
What’s next?
This experience has told me, there’s still much to be done and said regarding our bodies, how we chose to become parents, how we want to tell our stories and how to deal with criticism.
Giving birth can be felt as a monstrous experience, and nobody can take away how you felt or were treated at a time in your life.
It is also monstrous to try to erase the pain of others.
To me it is all connected to the Gothic because this is a space that welcomes otherness, trauma, voicing the repressed and calls on critical thinking and empathy.
Life is not all unicorns and rainbows, it’s also visceral and cruel.
Voicing what makes us uncomfortable helps to create awareness and to look for solutions to improve our quality of life and that of others.
Key message: Sharing your views about your uncomfortable experiences can help others word their own traumas and give them tools to overcome them
Final thoughts
This article is dedicated to all those inspiring readers and writers who commented on my article. You have all brought a new purpose to my journey.
Probably by the time this article gets published, there will be other people who could be added to this list. To those, I also want to say thank you.
But for now, please check and follow these wonderful people and read their experiences and points of view.
Beth Hankoff, Naleen Mitchell, Sieran Lane, Hayden Moore, JessiKa Harris, Nancy Dean, Lydia Swan, Toni Hargis, Laurel B. Miller, Some days, My mind spills words... I'm Cindy, Erin Savage Pollaro, Mawde Olssen, Hayley Baldwin, Joanna Mikkelsen, The Sturg, Elise Chidley, Worrickjk, Esme Roh, Julia Quay, Elise Chidley, MXM, Victoria Gregg, Dr. Jessica Clemons, Dawn Bartlett, Tooth Truth Roopa Vikesh, Camellia, Bebe Nicholson, Lynda Nanders, Micah Rivers, Raedy, Jo An Fox-Wright Maddox, Liz H, Amy Apple, Ted van Griethuysen, Delilah Rose, Stephanie Ariel, Casey Stanley, Sophie Gelis, Ruth Fae, Anna Marques, Marie A C, KL Simmons, Glenda Clemens, Susan Wheelock, Barbara Carter, Bernie Pullen, Kristina God.
Thanks for reading
I also want to thank Sally Prag for this publication: Badform where I found a great opportunity to share my unfiltered thoughts.
- I normally write about the Gothic on Medium and in my own online magazine.- I help people learn more about themselves and their fears through literature, films, TV series, music and all those places where our Shadow-Selves lurk.- Have access to thousands stories from me and other writers. Use my referral link and start your journey of self recognition.