Sometimes People Who Demand Change Just Want to be In Control

A personal observation of human behavior

“Loss of control is always the source of fear. It is also, however, the source of change” — James Frey

When I was a teenager working my fast-food job, I started making observations about my customers. It became my own social experiment.

At this restaurant, I would sometimes work in the kitchen. I was visible through the little window where food passed from the cooks to the customer service staff. My job was to receive the little slip from the order taker, prepare the dish, and send it back through the window to be served.

We served some Italian-Greek-inspired fusion food. It was always fun explaining to the customers what we served. On many occasions, customers would often ask for “more sauce” on their dish, whatever they ordered. This sauce was a thick, onion-infused gravy of sorts. It was a crowd favorite. Everyone seemed to have an addiction and wanted more, whether in extra containers on the side, or splashed on the entree.

One day, as I was handing the dish back through the window, the customer called out to me. Usually, the person in front would get the request and relay the question over to me.

“Hey, can I have a bit more sauce?” the customer loudly said.

I gave them a thumbs up and pulled the dish back to the kitchen side. I slid over to my left side where the saucepan was, out of view of the customer peeking through the window.

Call me a shit worker, or a lazy teenager, but this one time, I did nothing. I didn’t dip the ladle into the pot. I didn’t add extra sauce. I did nothing.

I did spend as many seconds out of view, as I normally would have actually adding the sauce to their food.

Then, I popped back to the window, tilted the dish for the customer to see, and asked, “How’s that look?”

“Perfect, thanks so much!” they said.

I was dumbfounded. And amused. So amused that I would continue to do this, a few dozen more times to different customers, just to “gather more data” for my experiment.

One or two customers did say “Can I have just a liiiiiitle more?”

On those occasions, I would then actually add the sauce. I ascertained that they could actually tell that nothing had happened and were on to me, and that was their polite and discreet way of actually getting me to do my job.

But, by and large, most people didn’t notice and accepted their dishes in their original presentation.

Second Example

I will be the first to claim my social experiment was more anecdotal than scientific. I didn’t track actual numbers in a spreadsheet, run analyses or predictions. It was for fun. Or malice. Or something like that.

Later in life, I encountered another situation where people consistently demanded change.

This “people” was one person in particular. An ex.

Whenever we would go out to eat, as we were seated by the host, invariably, she would ask for a different table. It was always something.

The table would be too close to the kitchen, too close to the bar, too far from the live band, too close to the restroom, too bright, too dark. Too something.

Every single time.

As I made this observation more and more, I started to predict in my head what the objection would be before we would get seated. While I was one hundred percent correct in my guesses that we would get a different table, I was never able to predict the actual justification.

My unscientific reasoning simply came down to a need for control. This ex needed to grab the reins of the situation before there was even an actual need. She was also “one of those” who would salt her food before even sampling it.

Maybe those neuroses count for her now being in my past?

Third Example

With my teenage antics behind me, I continued on my life journey. I got a job in software development. I was a consummate professional. I followed the specs of the project, built the software, interacted with users and so on.

Here and there, I would remember my food service social experiment, and kind of chuckle about it. I never once felt guilty about my little escapades.

It was in my past. Or so I thought.

In one of many interactions with my users, as we were going over quality testing, I was asked to change the color of a particular user interface element.

“Can you make this a little lighter beige?”

Instantly, I had flashbacks of my sauce trickery. I thought, “Could I get away with this again?”

I resurrected my experiment.

In a later session, I showed the user the “changed” element.

“How’s the color now?” I queried.

“That’s exactly what I wanted” came the reply.

Wow.

Over the course of the testing, I kept up my tomfoolery where I could. For the situations where the user wanted small changes — make something a little bigger, or a little smaller — I was able to get away with not actually complying.

This time, I knew I wasn’t doing it out of laziness, malice or rebellion. I was really just bent on continuing my unofficial study of human behavior.

The Other Side of the Window

As a consumer, I know I’ve asked for minor changes myself. A little more sauce? Yes, I’ve made that request a time or two.

I’m trying to recall what other requests I’ve made in restaurants, dealerships, pawn shops, retail shops, etc.

I am usually the one who accepts dishes as they come and never send anything back. Could I have possibly encountered my equivalent teenage self somewhere? Could I have been duped into accepting non-existent changes on those rare occasions that I actually asked for a little more something?

Possibly. Quite possibly.

Whether karma or payback, you could say I deserve it.

On the other hand, my poor customers didn’t deserve the service I gave them. They likely weren’t even trying to be in control. They just wanted more sauce.