People Show Their True Colors in Difficult Times
In response to Dancing Elephants prompt 1 of Life Column
People Show Their True Colors In Times of Adversity
They may be your best friend until they struggle, and then they will drown you. They will be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. They will seem sweet as can be until the going gets tough, and then their teeth and claws come out, and you no longer recognize them as the friend you once knew.
Do you know someone like this? I was recently asked what moment or incident in my life changed my view toward people for the worse. Once something happens that alters your existence, it is unforgettable.
How Someone’s Words Can Affect Someone So Vastly
The saying “sticks and stones can break our bones, but words can break our hearts” is so true. Words are powerful and dim the light of the soul when used with a vengeance.
I have survived both physical and psychological abuse, and I have to say the damage from the psychological and verbal abuse has been more difficult for me to recover personally. I have nightmares about both. But perhaps what my boyfriend’s mom said to me the day after he assaulted me haunts me the most.
The day I had the man I loved arrested for physically assaulting me, the police officer escorted me back to his home to gather my remaining belongings. His parents were there as it was their home. I had previously had coffee each morning with his mom. This was a woman I thoroughly enjoyed and looked forward to being my future mother-in-law. She looked at me that morning and said to the officer,
“Well, if she had taken better care of my son, maybe he wouldn’t have had to beat her.”
That was the defining moment someone taught me how people show their true colors.
Please take a moment and read what she said to me again…
I was appalled.
My eyes welled with tears. I was already in shock. The man I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with beat me, tossed me around like a rag doll the night before, and kicked me out in a drunken, jealous rage. His mother, whom I loved, was saying nonsense and treating me like trash. I looked at the officer with huge eyes. He lowered his head with disbelief and kindness and shook his head side to side as if to say, non-verbally, do not engage. I asked if I could go, and he said yes.
I am still very proud I did not respond to her. I took the high road. She has to live with my silence, which I hope speaks volumes to her evil soul. And yet, I feel so much empathy for her because she was clearly aching. The reality is she likely is the victim of abuse herself and has been conditioned to respond in such a pathetic, sad way. Her husband is a Vietnam Veteran, and it leaves me wondering if he beat her after returning from war in a drunken rage, and this is learned behavior on their son’s part. Much of domestic violence is learned. I will never know. And it doesn’t matter. The damage done that day is irreparable.
I often wonder if people think before they speak. Do they realize the power of their words? Do they mean what they say? Do they mean to be so mean-spirited? Or is it a knee-jerk reaction? Could they possibly regret those hurtful words? Words can be forgiven, but they are not forgotten.
Blame
Look at the fires in Hawaii. They say it is the fault of the “white people.” It is always someone’s fault when something goes wrong. “It was my fault their son was arrested because he beat me.” How absurd is that? Seriously? I didn’t want to be beaten. The first thing people want to do is point a finger. Wouldn’t it better serve us to unite as a community and solve problems?
Emotional Intelligence
The more emotional intelligence you have, the easier you will be to deal with and the more likable a person you will be. The best part is we all can raise our emotional intelligence at any age and stage of life. It begins with personal awareness.
Learning to regulate and manage emotions is an important skill. Motivating oneself daily to maintain and establish healthy habits. Building empathy for the people you love and care about and social skills goes a long way. It makes us better people. It makes us better partners and better parents. And it helps us problem-solve and cope with stress more effectively.
People with high emotional intelligence also know that forgiveness will unlock your heart and deliver your freedom. Holding onto grudges and wanting others to suffer only causes more pain within your own heart. You do not need to give the person the satisfaction of telling them you forgive them, but do it for yourself. Do it so you can move forward without the shackles of those horrible memories haunting you.
Final Thoughts
People’s true colors and character always shine through, usually under challenging circumstances. Watch the words that people choose. Watch the response or reactions. Do they blame others or take personal responsibility? Those who take personal responsibility have a much higher level of emotional intelligence.
People with high emotional intelligence are better problem solvers. They will do better under pressure. They will be good in catastrophes and high-pressure situations. People who blame and finger-point will only create more drama and tension.
I am thrilled about Dr. Preeti Singh’s new column in Dancing Elephant’s Press; Life. Life teaches us many lessons. This article is in response to Dr. Preeti’s first prompt:
https://readmedium.com/life-is-sweet-and-sour-1084e0f020b2
Thank you so much for taking the time to read. The truth will always set us free. Remember in difficult times to take the high road. I appreciate you so much.
Peace & Light,
Libby
I am thrilled about my new upcoming column in Dancing Elephants Press. It technically doesn't begin until January, but there is so much excitement we are already accepting submissions and kicking it off on a positive love note. ❤️
DR Rawson - The Possibilist tells his secrets for a successful marriage:
