People Love People Who Make Them Happy
The obvious isn’t always obvious
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Dale Carnegie
Humans want to be loved and to feel we belong.
These instincts go back to the time when survival depended on being accepted by our tribe. Not being accepted meant being alone in a very dangerous world.
In our modern world, we still feel this urge to connect with people like us, our tribe.
We can use this subconscious need to build stronger friendships with people.
We do this simply by making people happy.
The Importance of First Impressions
When you meet someone for the first time, your subconscious mind is looking for very subtle facial and vocal cues to indicate whether you are friend or foe.
Making eye contact as you approach and smiling, tells the person you are friendly.
By the way, the theory behind shaking hands is to show that you come in peace. You are not holding a weapon.
People are drawn to people who like them.
Walking towards someone whilst mentally saying ‘I am going to like this person’, will send out a subconscious message that tells the other person you are worth knowing.
Because you like them, they will like you.
Memories Are Made of This
Memories are made up of pictures, words, smells, feelings, and tastes. Senses are all part of the memory which means triggering off one of these senses can create the happy feeling you had at the time.
For example, thinking of freshly baked chocolate cookies might make you remember visiting your grandmother after school. Hearing a particular song on the radio always makes you think of the happy memory that goes with it.
Happy memories create happy feelings.
People like happy feelings.
Make people feel happy feelings by evoking happy memories and they will like you.
Talking about things that make people happy helps to put them in a good mood.
You can use what you know about people to give them a boost when they are feeling down. This makes you a great friend to have around.
Subconsciously, people will link you to the good feelings you evoke. They may not realise this is the reason why they like you, but it is.
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
Who doesn’t like being around someone who is very positive?
We might like to engage in a little grumble about the weather or gossip about someone’s latest mishap from time to time, but mostly, we like to be around positive, happy people.
People that look on the bright side make us feel better about life. They see solutions where other people see problems. Positive people lift our mood and make us feel motivated to do better.
Having a positive mindset is a choice that we can make for ourselves. Not only does this have psychological benefits for our own health, it also makes other people want to be around us.
Paying Compliments
Another way to build friendships is to pay people compliments.
When you give someone a financial reward, neuroscience has shown that part of the brain gets activated. We feel acknowledged and rewarded. Apparently, the same part of the brain lights up when we receive a compliment.
There is no need to overdo them, just pointing out small wins and achievements is sufficient.
Be a Great Listener
In his best-known book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, American writer and lecturer, Dale Carnegie wrote:
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
Research has shown that the part of our brain that lights up when we enjoy food or sex, is also activated when we talk about ourselves. The feel-good hormone, dopamine is released.
Humans love to tell people about themselves.
When we engage in conversation, we are usually thinking more about what we are going to say than what the other person is saying. Change that to listening to the other person and then asking more questions. They will love you.
When you show interest in people, their subconscious mind also finds you interesting.
Final Thoughts
Some people might feel that using tactics to make people like them more, is manipulating people.
All these ideas do though is use the natural subliminal messages that our internal systems are using all the time anyway. You know the fluttering of eyelids and playing with your hair is flirting.
A firm handshake conveys the message ‘I am in control here’.
People do have an inner radar that tells them when people are not quite what they seem, meaning if you misuse these techniques, your friendship won’t get far. They work if you truly want to be friends.
Charisma is a skill that can be learned and practised, but use it insincerely, and it just makes you look cheesy.
Basically, we like people who like us.
We like people who pay us attention, are kind, and open and don’t let us down.
If you want to build strong friendships, make people feel happy and remind them they are worth knowing.
They will love you for it.