People Change When You’re About to Make It Big. Pay Attention to These Clues.
These two changes in the people around you could be a sign that you’ve finally found success.
The idea of “making it” is a big deal when you come from a background like mine. Working class. Adopted. Layers of trauma. By all rights, people like me are supposed to be a statistic, but I’ve always had my sights set higher. Imagine my surprise when I got there and realized it looked nothing like I had imagined…
Specifically, I had always worked toward an idea of success that involved others. I thought that, once I had “hit it big” in the things I was pursuing, I would find more and more people around me. Like-minded people. People with vision and with goals. A chosen family of others striving to thrive, but that wasn’t the case.
Instead, what I found (even now) as I stride closer and closer to my goal of personal success is that I was lonelier and lonelier. The crowds weren’t growing by the finish line, cheering me on. Each step taken toward my goals seemed to thin out the herd. What? More importantly, why? Wasn’t it supposed to be different?
I learned the lesson the hard way.
The closer you get to success, the more you change. Bigger than that, the closer you get to whatever your idea of personal success is, the more people around you change. So pay attention. Are they moving forward with you, or choosing to fall behind? One type will lift you. The other? Not so much.
I learned to be careful who you invest your time in. They may not have the same hopes for your future as you do.
The people around you change when you’re on the brink of making it big.
When I decided to go out on my own a decade ago, it was a scary thing. I had a pretty clear vision of what I wanted, but I was at the lowest point of my life. Broke, sick, and my mental health hanging by a thread, I had no other choice. I had to go for it. So, I did.
At the time, I was surrounded by friends. I went out most nights, dependent on their charity, and spent every weekend wrapped up in hour-long phone calls and Zoom sessions.
They all cheered me on, then. I was that friend. So pathetic that you had no choice but to hope for some positive change. When I made it, though, started working hard, getting results, and improving myself…some of my friends grew silent they began to disappear.
I noticed a shift was happening, but I couldn’t see just how big that shift was within and without.
It’s hard to see how well you’re doing when you’re in the flow of making it happen. It’s a lot like being in the eye of the hurricane. There’s so much going on, so many balls in the air, that you don’t always see just how well you’re juggling. You’re focused on catching the next break.
The people in your life can be an important indicator during this time.
Friends, family, coworkers, and anyone else close enough to see the build-up will know what’s about to happen. They watch as you change, and become more confident and clear-sighted. They will see you striding toward your future and how they treat you will change. You must pay close attention to these changes.
Not only are they an indicator of your potential success, your upcoming triumph. The changes in the people closest to you can also be an indication of the quality of people who take up space in your life. Are you surrounding yourself with well-wishers and supporters? Or people who want to take it down. These 2 big shifts can reveal the truth.
Look for these 2 big changes in the people around you.
As I got closer to my success, I got a bit lonelier. I was doing better, I was manually creating the life I desired, but the phone was ringing less. The group chats were growing silent. I wasn’t out every night or being invited to the Saturday night Zoom session anymore. I was experiencing what millions before had experienced.
The loneliness of upgrading.
The people around me were making the shift, separating themselves into 2 key camps: the people who supported what I was doing (even if it took me further away from them) and the people who envied it.
Those are the changes you have to pay attention to, whether you’re looking at the relationship with friends, family, or anyone else. Who is standing beside you and who is acting against you?
Realistic Support
Thankfully, as you grow and improve your life you do meet a lot of good people along the way. It’s not all loneliness and heartache (though those things can be a part of the process). There are good people out there, and the best of them is the realistic source of support. The people who choose to root for you.
You know these people by the space they take up in your heart, and on your journey to personal success.
These are the individuals who encourage you, support you, and believe in the work that you’re doing or the goals that you’re setting. Does that mean that they always tell you nice things about your art? Your writing? Your craft? No. It means that they see the best in you and push you to see that too, especially when you’re working toward your highest self and goals.
Some of the ways you can spot a realistic supporter are:
- They talk up your project or work
- They give you tough love when needed
- They aren’t afraid to act to help you
To people like this, compassion is key. They want you to be happy, no matter where they are in their lives. People like this want to see you succeed at whatever you want because they know that you deserve to lead a fulfilled and healthy life. They want to help you get that, even if all they do is spread the word about your book or your small business.
Quiet Envy
The second big change you may notice in the people around you is a negative one. Unlike the people who love you and support you, this type of friend or family member pulls away. It’s a result of quiet envy. As they see you reach out for your dreams, they become envious of where you’re going and even the tools you use to get there.
It can be hard to spot this person at first. They aren’t necessarily “nasty” to you. They are more subtle than that. They pull away. Maybe they stop calling you or texting you. You never get an invite from them when they get together with friends and celebrate.
You can also spot this person by their actions related to your success. Perhaps they turn away from your work, refuse to lift you, or support you in any tangible way. They could tell you that it doesn’t have a purpose and discourage you from chasing your dreams.
Some of their other dysfunctional reactions can include:
- Talking about you behind your back
- Picking petty fights to push you away
- Playing down your successes or pride
The individual filled with quiet envy will rarely tell you of their misery to your face. Instead, they may try to run you down to others. They may talk behind your back and tell lies to those who are supportive.
People like this can’t see the best in you. Your success is a challenge to their success (or lack of it). Some will think that you don’t think you deserve to make it, especially if they haven’t tangibly “made it” in any real way
The most heartbreaking part of this person and the changes they make? More often than not, they are the people we least expect. Family members. Childhood friends. This quiet envy can (sadly) be found in people who know older versions of you; who are attached to their ideas of your failures and struggles.
The people who you pick in your life matter…
So, why is it so important to pay attention to these changes? At the top of this story, I told you that you have to be cautious and you have to pay attention. Why? Because the people around you have a big impact on your life and the way it plays out. You have to be careful who is taking up real estate in your personal spheres.
The people who you pick in your life matter because they can…
- Limit possibilities: The people who envy you see limited possibilities in their lives. To them, the doors are closed. They have the potential to convince you of the same limited potential in your future.
- Destroy opportunity: Having the wrong people in your life can destroy the opportunities you work to create. Dysfunctional people can sew seeds of dysfunction and destruction in your life, career, family, etc.
- Warp reality: Surrounding yourself with envious, cold, mean, or unsupportive people will change the way you see yourself. They can warp reality around you and change what you believe is possible or deserved.
There are a million possibilities out there in terms of your success in life. Whether you are seeking to build a family, build a business, write a bestselling novel, or play, there is a path out there for you to make it happen. Your journey is a corridor full of doorways, each a potential success.
Getting where you want to be is a matter of pushing forward and pushing open as many doors as you can. Surrounding yourself with dysfunctional, ill-intentioned people will pull you away from this process. They can limit your opportunities, destroy your perspective, and warp your reality and what you find possible for your life.
If my experience sounds grim, it’s not. Looking back, I see it now as a natural part of the process. My life was growing. Becoming the thing I most wanted it to be, and in the pains of that growth I was shaking off dead weight and the dead leaves that wanted to pull me back down.
Now, years removed from that initial upset, I can see the truth. The changes in the people around me were a thermometer of my success and a chance to see the people around me for who they were. Since then, I’ve decided to focus on the good, not the bad.
It’s best summed up in this quote from Marcel Proust:
“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
That is where the focus should be as we learn, grow, and achieve success in our lives. It is not in the crowds who surround you at the finish line. True happiness, the root of our success, is found in those precious few who lift us and who see us as deserving of love and wholeness as themselves.
We may have to work to find them. We may have to clear out our lives and go through dark moments of the soul to find them, but they are there. Waiting for us. Finding them won’t be easy. You have to have the courage to stay true to yourself and your dreams. Find them, though, and you will never let go.
Invest in those people. Embrace those changes in those you value most and the whole journey becomes more beautiful for the embrace.
© E.B. Johnson 2024
I am a writer, artist, NLPMP, and podcaster who helps people build creative lives after trauma. In my free time, I have a passion for fresh bread, history, and all things watercolor. Learn more about me here. Join my mailing list. Or, support my writing by subscribing below.
