Penises Are Everywhere In Public School
Let this article be the only proof you need
Look around any public school and you will see it… penises. Sometimes vulva. But mostly penises. Everywhere.
So before I go any further let’s be clear. This is not a story about pedophilia. And it is not about lil A’s bad habit of yanking his dick from his tightie whiteys and rubbing it against his classmate’s backpacks.
Nah, this is about Frida Kahlo and Van Gogh and Georgia O’Keefe’s less well-known kid brother who illustrated anatomy textbooks. And the elementary school-aged kids who aspire to be renowned artists.
It’s about art. And penises. Sometimes vulva, but mainly penises.
Sometimes student effort is intentional but mainly they are just so darn focused on conveying artistic notability that the phalluses are merely fabulous and fun by-products.
Freud may have argued otherwise. But he’s dead. And I’m not.
And I see cocks everywhere.
Example 1
Reminding me slightly of an Al-Fresco Toilette by English painter Sir Luke Fildes (1844–1927) this student’s family pet looks a little pecker-ish, don’t you think? My brother’s chortled response was “looks more like a horse!” Canine…equine…don’t we all need a pet schlong?
Example 2
A tad Andy Warhol or more Van Gogh-ish? Hopefully, this student won’t slice off their own pinna and gift it to a cleaner at the local brothel.
Example 3
For many weeks my French lessons were quite disjointed. I was having to constantly grab my own head and physically force my peepers from scouring this self-portrait by a grade 6 student. This work adds a phallic touch to Modigliani’s Lunia Czechowska.
It does make me wonder: was this 11-year-old looking in a mirror or down his pants?
Example 4
Perhaps this student does not yet know that penises, when left outside in the cold, tend to involve shrinkage, more wrinkles than grandma’s cheeks, and a lovely shade of magenta? Or have they knit an adorable little cardigan for their cock and balls? Either way, the splash of color is sure to bring Frida Kahlo to mind.
Example 5
This little genius paid attention during Health classes. One T’s rolly eyes at his own flaccidity while another, likely middle-aged, expresses complete shock at his own non-viagra-induced hard-on. Not to mention the Letter I’s botched circumcision in the top right corner. Poor guy — who really wants their Glans to resemble Papa Smurf’s head covering?
Artistically, I might suggest a future Eric Carle illustrating much-needed Sex Ed texts and tales. Or perhaps veering into papercraft statues and following in the footsteps of Sher Christopher or Bert Simons?
The Proof Is Right Here In This Article
There you have it. If you ever needed proof that penises dominate worksheets and bulletin boards of public schools everywhere, this is it. Our future artists are well on the way to rock-hard star status.
©Jennifer J. McDougall 2021