Peaking Into The Mind Of An Addict

How mindfulness and spirituality helped me cut ties with addiction

I’ve been addicted to something or another basically my whole life—cigarettes, pot, coffee, painkillers, uppers, downers — you name it.

I’m not sure how it all started or why I haven’t cut ties with my addictions long ago.

Maybe it was because of the 'high,’ the literal euphoria that comes with 'lighting one up.’

Maybe it’s because it’s an escape, a way to flee from life’s daily stresses and mishaps.

Regardless of why, once I learned of the impact that addiction had on my life, I decided that it was time to cut ties.

Not only were my addictions damaging my health, but my relationships, my finances, my psyche, and so much more were affected by my jumble of addictions.

• One month, I spent over $1,000 on Xanax.
• One year, I spent (approximately) $12,000 on pot and cigarettes. That’s a big FU to both my lungs and my bank account.
• Fortunately, no DUI’s, but I spent almost eight years in the court system due to multiple possession cases.

The thing is, I didn’t notice how bad it had got until I took a step back and looked at my life, not through my normal perspective, but from a subjective perspective, as if I were someone watching a film —aware of what’s going on, but without judgment, not taking anything too personally.

By doing so, I allowed myself time to look at the critical areas of my life — those impacted by my addictions.

Where’s It All Going?

I spent over 60 days tracking my finances, identifying just how much money was going and where. Eventually, I realized just how much money was being flushed down the drain from my consumer habits.

It’s easy to justify the $10 here — oh, I had a bad day, so I’m just going to get a beer or two.

What’s not easy to justify is the (total) amount spent over the month. In this case, $10 a day easily becomes $300+ per month.

Separating Myself From The Addict

I spent a few weeks practicing daily meditation, learning to separate myself from my thoughts, cravings, and emotions.

In Buddhism, practitioners believe that suffering (otherwise known as Duhkha) stems from desire, and that desire is our stepping stool to enlightenment. When we experience a desire — or in this case, a craving — instead of identifying with the desire, the goal should be to separate yourself from the desire, subjectively, and witness and identify your desires' key cause.

In this case, I had to take a step back each time I felt the beginning of craving, and I had to learn how to identify the cause of the craving and how to separate (myself) from the Self who’s currently experiencing the craving firsthand. Make sense? Good! If not, I highly recommend reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (not an affiliate link).

It’s a Constant Battle, But it’s Worth It.

I’m an addict. I’m not afraid to admit it. In fact, I think it’s important — especially for those of us with addicted traits — to admit when we’re addicted, which is the first step towards recovery.

My life has changed for the better as soon as I committed to change (myself). I’m no longer the same addict because I’m aware of my addictions. I’m aware of the cravings, and I know my triggers.

Yet, even then, it’s still a constant uphill battle. I'm constantly reminding myself of why I quit: better finances, better health, quality relationships, improved lifestyle, and a promising future.

When times get really tough, I rely on my support system. My wife, my mom, and — yes — even my four-month daughter. By focusing on those closest to me — the people I want to let down the least — I find it easier to get through the day.

It’s not always a struggle. Some days, I relish in the joy that comes from being free of addictions, clean, sober, and in control. Food tastes better, sunsets look that much prettier, and I find myself more engaged with my writing. I’m in control of my finances — at least more than before. I can spend more quality time with my family without being drunk, high, or otherwise disengaged.

I want to End This Off with Some Inspiring Quotes for Those Who Might Be In a Position Like Myself.

“Never give up. Today is hard, tomorrow will be worse, but the day after tomorrow will be sunshine.” — Jack Ma

“Recovery from addiction requires hard work, a proper attitude and learning skills to stay sober, not drinking alcohol or using other drugs. Successful drug recovery or alcohol recovery involves changing attitudes, aquiring knowledge, and developing skills to meet the many challenges of sobriety.” — Dennis Daley

“I think that the power is principle. The principle of moving forward, as though you have the confidence to move forward, eventually gives you confidence when you look back and see what you have done.” — Robert Downey JR