avatarWilliam (Dollar Bill) Mersey

Summary

The content describes the author's humorous and personal account of Paul Manafort's time as a cellmate in prison, highlighting anecdotes about Manafort's laundry habits and his character as observed by the author and another inmate known for his laundry skills.

Abstract

The author recounts a humorous moment from "The Pelican Brief" that resonated with their own experience at the Metropolitan Correctional Center (MCC). After Paul Manafort, a former cellmate, left the prison, the author chose a new bunkmate, MC, known for his exceptional laundry skills. MC, who charged two mackerel packs for his services, eventually washed Manafort's clothes. Manafort, rather than paying directly, gave MC food that was originally a gift to him. The author reveals MC's claim that Manafort's underwear had skid marks, suggesting Manafort's literal and figurative 'dirtiness.' The author reflects on the peculiar knowledge gained in prison, such as Manafort's alleged poor hygiene, and provides a link to another article about Manafort's opinions on Donald Trump.

Opinions

  • The author finds humor in the FBI checking a Supreme Court nominee's 'underwear' for cleanliness, which is paralleled by MC's role in the prison laundry.
  • MC is portrayed as intelligent and resourceful, leveraging his laundry skills to establish a niche within the prison economy.
  • Paul Manafort is depicted as frugal and perhaps inconsiderate, as he delayed payment to MC and resorted to regifting food.
  • The author implies that Manafort may have had issues with personal cleanliness, as suggested by the state of his underwear.
  • The author values the unique experiences and insights gained from their time in prison, including unexpected personal details about high-profile individuals like Manafort.
  • The author seems to hold a critical view of Manafort, emphasizing his character flaws and questionable behaviors observed during

Paulie’s (Manafort) Dirty Laundry

We’re talking literally here!

Patrick Kool — Unsplash

I was halfway through “The Pelican Brief” (the book — not the movie) when a quick passage tickled my funny bone. The President and one of his subordinates are considering their options regarding nominations for two vacant supreme court justice positions when the henchman reports “the FBI has checked his underwear and he’s very clean.” Now, why would that be funny to anyone? Here’s your answer:

Just two days after Paul Manafort exited my cell at MCC to go back to Laretto from where he came (yes, Paul Manafort was my celly while I was in prison), I chose a Chinese guy to be my new bunky. He wasn’t exactly the perfect choice (nobody in prison is), but MC was intelligent, college-educated, and computer-savvy. Good enough. But computer science wasn’t MC’s only area of expertise. He was also so exceptional at washing and folding laundry (pardon the stereotype) that he appointed himself laundry orderly, which meant everybody (or most inmates) came to him to have MC do their laundry in exchange for a payment of two mackerel packs. Nice work if you can get it!

Predictably, and considering what a swell Paul Manafort is, he hired MC to wash his clothing. Rather than pay MC outright, Paul waited a week (to MC’s consternation) and then regifted kitchen food another inmate had given Paul (to gain his favor no doubt) in payment. How’s that for cheap? But then again…haven’t I read somewhere that one of Paul’s friends is a regifter, too?

Anyway…to the point of the story. MC had a bizarre habit of reviewing everybody’s laundry. One of our friend’s had the smelliest laundry in the unit. And Paul’s? MC alleged that Paulie’s skivvies had skid marks! Eww! “A little too much information, MC!” Not only was Manafort’s underwear (allegedly) dirty figuratively…but literally as well. Now you know why the “Pelican Brief” passage made me laugh.

A year in prison at MCC was quite an experience. And not one without value as it turned out. Raise your hand if you think you’d ever learn that Paul Manafort either didn’t know how to wipe his ass properly or did a lot of wet farting if you hadn’t gone to prison! Not a lot of hands raised, I’d imagine.

Manafort on his old boss, DONALD TRUMP:

Politics
Humor
Manafort
Trump
Education
Recommended from ReadMedium
avatarHaje Jan Kamps
There’s a problem with that ‘bullet in flight’ photo of Trump.

The bullet seems to be flying about twice as fast as it ‘should’ have been.

3 min read
avatarJennifer Hartmann
The Question That Ended My Marriage

In a rare moment of vulnerability, I asked my husband this question, and knew I’d just empowered us to divorce.

6 min read
avatarShirley Laffa
My Boyfriend Didn’t Know What I Did With My Hands

He Finally Found Out

3 min read
avatarSherry McGuinn
WTF Is Wrong With Women Today?

On stumbling across the meat market subreddit, Rateme

6 min read
avatarJayden Levitt
The Most Effective Method I Used To Fix My Potbelly.

Most gurus overcomplicate it, and I'm here to tell you it's beyond simple.

8 min read
avatarPathless Pilgrim
We’re Witnessing the Fall of the Biggest Empire in History

And it’s going to be spectacular

5 min read