SOCIAL MEDIA
Parton vs. Zuckerberg
As if an algorithm could give any effs at all
Everyone wants to get up in Mark Zuckerberg’s DMs.
They say he’s too lenient on the MAGATs. He doesn’t care about the harm he’s inflicting on his fellow Americans, from body-conscious teens to oldsters like me who tend to fall for any kind of digital ruse. He’s only out to make money. Gobs and gobs of the green stuff.
Well, duh. Welcome to what I call the Age of Digital Aquarius, where up is down and down is up and nobody cares if Alice doesn’t live here anymore, as long as we can get some service here.
All Little Marky Z. does, though, is deny, deny, deny. After a Facebook whistleblower went before Congress to accuse the ZMan of putting profits before people, he released the following statement:
“At the heart of these accusations is this idea that we prioritize profit over safety and well-being. That’s just not true,” he whined.
In addition, the guy with the impossibly hideous haircut (Can you say “Caesar Augustus Complex”? Hear his wife cuts it for him.) also insisted his platform cares “deeply about issues like safety, well-being and mental health.”
As if an algorithm could give any effs at all.
Give it a rest, Marcus Aurelius. We all know what you’re up to.
You see, some in government want to regulate ZDog’s platforms — Facebook and Instagram — along with a host of other digital portals that have, on occasion, sent many of us down the rabbit hole of ridiculousness.
This isn’t a new discussion, but it sure doesn’t get better with age. This isn’t fine wine we’re talking about, people.
But last year, Dolly Parton the Great — she of “Jolene” and Vaccines, seemed to anticipate this whole ruckus, so she challenged us. No, not to be better people; she does that every day. But, perhaps, to take a look at where we’re headed and to, in fact, adjust our coordinates.
In January 2020, right before COVID-19 clocked us right in the cojones, Ms. Dolly posted an Internet meme.
You know — one of those collaborations of photos and words meant to be both light-hearted and to give the general populace pause — called “The Dolly Parton Challenge”.
The aim of Dolly’s digital dalliance was to comment on the different ways we present ourselves online. In essence, she captured four Dollys as they might appear on the social media sites LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram and Tinder.
Buttoned-up; fun-loving; influencer; sexy mama.
In Dolly’s way of thinking, we’re not just two-faced, but three- and four-faced, too. And none of these likenesses likely have much to do with who we really are.
The first photo, of course, was a comment on career site LinkedIn, and all of us who are “down to work”. The second, a reflection of Facebook Fun and I Love the Fam Dolly, wearing a not-too-tacky Christmas sweater.
The third, a jab at Instagram, featuring Dolly as an “Influencer-in-the-Wild”.
She posed in front of a down-home looking venue, with her well-known platinum locks cascading down her back, her right leg up against the other side of the doorway, leaning on a sweet — and certainly retro, therefore IG-approved — six-string guitar.
The fourth snap, representing dating site Tinder, was her 1978 Playboy cover, modest by today’s standards, with our iconic gal outfitted in a “Bunny” suit of that era, complete with tail and a plunging neckline showcasing those spectacular assets of hers.
Of course, in typical Dolly fashion, she captioned the meme thusly: “Get you a woman who can do it all”.
The well-known feminist — “9-to-5”, anyone? — was making a point that transcended the ages. I’m accomplished; I’m fun and family-focused; I’ve got that Instagram Influencer Vibe (Everybody, Be Like Me!), and I’m pretty damn sexy. Or maybe I’m not any of these. So, what are you gonna do about it, Mr. Algorithm?
I’ll admit it — I was one of the probably gazillions who joined Dolly’s challenge. But I used my kids’ critters to illustrate my point.
Brett, the lazy fat tabby, is lounging on a pile of mail scattered on the kitchen table; Lulu, the Dalmatian/Lab mix, sports cute pink booties, pre-family outing; Chewy, a rascal if there ever was one, shows quite a bit of interest in his Mom’s glass of (we imagine) top-shelf Riesling; Phoebe, who lets it all hang out, does just that, sexy-fab girl that she is.
Not sure I made much of a statement. But I believe Dolly Parton rubbed Marky’s face in the reflection of his continually fatuous framing.
And I imagine Mr. Zuckerberg was clueless when challenged by the fortitude of such a damn strong female.
At 74, Queen Dolly is old enough to be the little weenie’s grandma. But she knows something that he never will.
Justice delayed is justice denied. Who said that? Not Dolly Parton — out loud, at least.