TRUTH AND CONSEQUENCES

Part 2 of How a Blithe Character From “The Simpsons” Became Mother of the Year

More on How My Mother-In-Law Came to Despise Me

I couldn’t blame her for hating me.

I’d openly lusted after her son, her golden child. She’d heard me say as much. And even in non-dysfunctional families there often is a “special” one — a child who fulfills the role of everyone’s favorite.

Joe was a junior in college when we’d met. His family’s third and youngest child, he was among the earliest-born millennials but more of the Generation X mold — readily capable; independent enough to have seen himself off to a far-flung college alone. By many measures he was already a grown man.

He certainly shagged like one.¹ ¹ I was now wise enough to avoid voicing such opinions aloud.

Joe’s mother should have at least been open to getting to know me. I may be biased, but it’s true. Despite my wanton first impression, the 18-year-old me was a decent catch— nerdy, clean-cut, pre-med, and madly in love with her son. But sometimes, as was the case with Joe’s family, the golden child is also the mascot. The goofball. The distractor from whatever else is going on.

And sometimes a mother isn’t ready to give her baby to another.

I thought I could win Derby over eventually. Kill her with kindness. Show her how great of a son she’d raised.

All I needed to do was continue to be a doting girlfriend and she’d love me, right?

How young I was.

Spring semester rushed by, the summer came, and I made a trip to visit Joe on the West Coast. He’d wanted me to meet his mom — to really get to talk to her.

We drove his endearingly clunky car down to San Diego from L.A., where he’d been training for the summer. He’d swum for years, but this summer was Joe’s chance to train at USC with a coach of Olympians. I’d missed him so much.

My summer job at a Detroit-area hospital paid well and allowed me to love rent-free at home. I was determined to pay my own way for college. But when Joe and I had parted ways for the summer, he’d teared up. Of course, he hadn’t slept the whole night prior while finishing our college’s formula racecar for its big competition. Still, he seemed to love me more than ever.

I was deflated when I didn’t get my second chance with Derby.

“Where’s Mom?” Joe asked his dad, Dale, when we arrived at his parents’.

“Mom just left to visit her brother,” Dale said, wearily. “I don’t know why.”

Derby needn’t have been threatened. It’s possible she didn’t know we were visiting, but that’s unlikely. Even though Derby avoided me on this meet-the-parents trip, it wouldn’t be long before Joe would cheat on me and lose interest in our relationship.

And anyway, I’d never want to replace his mother!

Score one — nay, two — for being passive-aggressive.

To be continued…

Note: This is a continuation from Part 1 of the story of how my husband’s mother came into her great distaste for me:

Join Lindy Vogel on Medium, subscribe, and follow Sweary Mommy for more hopes, tears, and fears from the college dating scene.