Park Life

Summary

A stay-at-home dad reflects on his extensive time spent at the local park with his son, offering advice to new parents on navigating the social dynamics of the park environment.

Abstract

The author, a former stay-at-home dad in Los Angeles, reminisces about the countless hours he spent at the local park while raising his son. He emphasizes the importance of patience and discernment when interacting with other parents at the park, drawing a parallel between forming park friendships and the fleeting nature of college acquaintances. He advises caution in choosing whom to befriend, citing experiences with eccentric and potentially problematic individuals, and stresses the value of finding and nurturing relationships with good people amidst the park's diverse social landscape. The essay serves as both a nostalgic reflection and practical guide for new parents, highlighting the park as a refuge and a place for community building.

Opinions

The author believes that not all parents at the park are stable or rational, despite the assumption that they would be due to the significant decision to have children.
He suggests that some parents may not have fully considered the implications of parenthood.
The author advises new parents to pace themselves in forming relationships at the park, likening some park acquaintances to a college peer who may be too eccentric for long-term friendship.
He warns against making hasty friendships, as some individuals may have questionable values or behaviors, referencing an uncomfortable experience with a dad who supported Chick-Fil-A's anti-LGBTQ stance despite living in West Hollywood.
The author recounts an extreme case of a mom they befriended at the park who later was featured on Dateline NBC for kidnapping her children and fleeing the country, reinforcing the need for caution.
He emphasizes that the park is also home to many good people and encourages readers to cherish and treat these genuine connections well.
The author concludes with a sentiment of gratitude for the community and experiences found at the park, suggesting that other parents can find similar fulfillment by approaching the park environment with care and openness.

Park Life

When my son was little and I was a stay-at-home dad I logged some hours at the local park. We live in the middle of Los Angeles so the local park was the only open space refuge we had. Hold on, “some hours” may leave you with the wrong impression. To be clear if these stretches of time were added up the total would be staggering. Other people would have used these blocks of their life to earn advanced degrees, cure diseases or work their way up to middle management. I was at the park. When the morning dew still clung to the shiny plastic slides, I was at the park. As the sun set and bar hopping young people were making their way to Santa Monica Blvd., I was at the park. Hours and days and years went by where the only markings of time were changes in height, increases in vocabulary and the ability to go down the big slide. The thing is, I really miss those days. Those long long days. So in order to help others and allow myself to reminisce properly I will now offer new parents advice.

How To Do the Park Right: Advice for new Parents

It turns out Keanu was completely right. “You know Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog or drive a car. Hell, you need license to catch a fish! But they’ll let any butt-reaming @#!hole be a father.” (Parenthood) My first trips up to our local park I assumed the adults gathered there would be for the most part, stable. After all, they’d gone through all the effort of financial planning and decision tree constructions which led them to the decision to procreate so I figured they’d all be a pretty rational sort. Turns out some parents don’t over think it. They just have kids. I am pretty sure now that some people don’t think about it at all.

My first nugget of advice is to pace yourself. Remember your freshman year of college? How you were thrust with all these randoms and they became your best friends for a month because you all were going through the same war together? But as the fog of alcohol and late night pizza lifted you looked around and realized something. “Holy crap Devin from down the hall with the fish tanks and the combat boots and the cape he wears to the dining hall is actually sort of weirder than I can do long term.” So you moved on and you made new friends and you only saw Devin maybe one more time at the local Italian restaurant having graduation dinner with his parents. And they seemed totally normal. You asked him “How are the fish?” and he asked you “How is your lava lamp?” And you were glad you didn’t share all of your precious college years with Devin.

That is how to approach the park. There are going to be some crazies who you are thrown in there with. Be cautious because you don’t want your child to have to spend their formative years with Devin.

Don’t jump right in. You could get trapped in a car with a dad you met at the park and went with on a trip to a train museum in the high desert. A dad who insisted on stopping at Chick-Fil-A. (This was during the period of time where Chick-Fil-A decided to be very open about their opposition to everything gay.) A dad who watched you intently eating your chicken sandwich (It tastes so good but goes down so harshly because of choking on your morals). He then asked me like he was a villain in a bad 90’s crime movie. “How is that Chick-Fil-A? You like it? The Chick-Fil-A?” I wanted to yell out “I’m not gay but I’m totally down with the LGTBQ cause! And we live in West Hollywood? Why do you live in West Hollywood?!” But instead I swallowed and just endured the restof the day and made sure to try to never be at the park when he was at the park from there on out. Problem for me being that I was always at the park. That remained awkward for quite a few years.

One of the first moms my wife and I met at the park who became a friend seemed harmlessly quirky. We couldn’t really figure out what she did for a living and there did seem to be a lot of talk about custody fights with the two different fathers of her boys. Yes, I understand, I now see that would have been a red flag to most people. Anyway, after a few play dates at her much older boyfriend’s house who made us cocktails at three in the afternoon on a weekday (delicious ones mind you) and a series of questionable comments about lifestyle choices we pulled away. Years later when Dateline NBC aired a show about her and her journey to justice after kidnapping her two boys and fleeing the country. I felt pretty sure we should have been more than arms length with her.

So there you have it. Tip Number one: don’t rush in. Pace yourself and let that cream rise to the top. Hope that you qualify as the cream as well. The park is full of good people, too. Once you find those good people make sure to treat them well. When the sun is setting and you’re sitting at the park benches eating pizza from up the block and watching your children happily flinging themselves down the big slide and racing through the wood chips, you’ll know how lucky you are.