Parents Bribed Me To Leave The House

As an adult, I buy books to trick myself into socialising

When I was small, days would fly absorbed by assembling mesmerising landscapes at the back of my dad’s balcony. Warm sunlight would fall onto my cheeks whilst pieces of ever-growing puzzles found themselves at their destination.

When I was seven, hours would pass as I dived into the intricacies of a horse carriage from centuries ago, or hallucinate the happenings in Ancient Egypt. A fair share of my time evaporated studying the anatomy of a chicken or trying to unravel the complexities of a kettle.

When I was ten, I started a notebook and scribbled out Darwin’s evolution. I’m not quite sure how the blue hearts — those still pop up in my mind — contributed to the subject, but I took it upon myself to draw them at the beginning of each entry.

As a teenager, I whipped up the idea of learning German. Please don’t ask me why as there was no applicability whatsoever… But in the process, I translated my own version of Faust. I reckoned if I was to grasp the real meaning behind Goethe’s words, I might as well read the original.

As a young adult, I would rather read fantasy or pick up a random subject to study — genetics sounded pretty interesting at some point! — so that I could stay at home and…enjoy life.

I’m not quite sure what my purpose was then (or is now?..), but I can tell you: my ever-so-busy self was (and still is) quite busy and happy with all the activities I found for myself. The outside world offers little attraction to me. No wonder my parents would pay just to kick this cooped-up individual outside!..

Society judges, but science justifies

This world is built for extroverts. Heck, it is most likely built by extroverts too!.. But here’s the catch: extroverts naturally require more stimulation.

According to Cain et al (2016), introverts and extroverts have different reactivity when it comes to external stimuli. It essentially means that introverts are more sensitive and wired to immediately register sensory experiences. Due to this fast-charged response, our nervous systems overheat, resulting in a sensory overload. Or a flat battery, call it how you like it.

On the flip side, extroverts are less sensitive to the sensory experiences around them. As such, extroverts prefer to go outside, be surrounded by people and explore a variety of situations, venues… They go all out and put themselves through different experiences and meet a broad spectrum of people.

It is absolutely normal to have a different need (or tolerance?..) for external stimuli. According to Cain (2013), external stimulation differs between introvert and extrovert groups. It essentially means that we interact with the world according to our situation: those enjoying a rich internal life will step away from usual attractions, whilst extraverts will seek out new experiences, challenging jobs and stronger stimulations.

In conclusion, even though society prefers the outgoing extrovert, science is on our side. Both types have great qualities as well as a unique way of perceiving the world. We interact with our environment according to our situation and needs. It is important to understand and embrace the differentiating ways of life so we interact with mutual respect and appreciation.

Art embraces, but the workplace shoves aside

I’ve had a fair share of job interviews throughout my thirty-something year of life. As someone with an MBA in International Business, I was quick to realise how unusual my profile is for a project and operations professional.

Unusual might be too soft of a term — unwelcome is more fitting. The corporate world celebrates the ever-so-busy extrovert, because you know, what’s not to like? Yet the calm and silent introvert gets shoved aside.

No one wants to be an introvert. Not in the workplace. What do you do? You lie. You lie through your teeth and you get the job. You prove to be good at your job, exceeding in more projects and areas than anticipated… And then you start shrinking.

Little by little, incrementally you crawl towards your comfort zone. Colleagues and superiors might notice, but no one will judge — after all, you’re an overachiever, an excellent part of the team!.. And one day — I tell you, it will come! — one day you will reject that after-work drinks invitation. Another day you will weasel yourself out of a team lunch. And that weekend boating event with the clients? Meeeh, got plans already, sorry.

A day will come when you will be able to avoid all of these and no one will judge. Because they will judge the quality of work and your ethics, not how fun you could be after a cocktail or two. We work to pay our bills. We also work to feel achieved and have a purpose in life. We — introverts — don’t work to have fun.

Company dinners and client visits are not our forte. We can do the minimum service, but please don’t push too much. And please don’t make it a norm in the workplace. Some of us deal with data-driven decision-making and operational issues (and we’re damn good at it!)… Christmas parties with vendors shouldn’t even be on our problem list.

Overall, it seems that creative industries are lenient when it comes to introverts. We’re seen as loners who dive into our speciality and deliver the oddest pieces of art. There is respect, people embrace it and even encourage it. It would be great if employers stopped judging certain professions according to our extroversion level and opened their minds to the idea of a more diverse workplace.

According to Cain (2013), both introverts and extroverts are efficient workers — extroverts enjoy multitasking and are prone to risk-taking, but they are also quick to tackle assignments and make time-sensitive decisions. Introverts are a bit slower as they are more deliberate and conscientious, it’s a different type of professional we’re talking about.

Overall, different workplaces embrace different professionals. However, corporate employers often discriminate. During the interviews, they ask about hobbies and lifestyles, and sometimes even conduct personality tests. As such, introverts often perceive how unwelcome they are in the working environment and resort to chameleon techniques. What does that mean? Lying. Well, not exactly. More like they replicate the desired behaviours and seek to integrate into the workforce. While sacrificing their mental health.

They say introverts want to be more extroverted

Yes and no. We want to interact more and we feel the need to push ourselves — we realise that going outside of our comfort zone will bring new enriching experiences. Travelling, meeting new people, participating in an interesting programme — all of these contribute to our personal and professional growth. And everyone knows: introverts love that.

So, we challenge ourselves and often push the boundaries. As my parents used to pay me so that I would go outside, I believe I am continuing this pattern. The reward pathway is very much activated when I allow myself to buy a book or purchase a Coursera course. If I go outside, that is. Or meet people. Or participate in that event. You get the drift.

Research suggests that introverts feel better about themselves when subjected to extraverted tendencies (Flesson et al, 2002).

I think most of us feel the need to push the boundaries and be more proactive when engaging with the outside world. But at the same time, it should not be taken as a standard — each introvert has a different baseline and our tolerance (or battery) levels vary. We might feel better about ourselves if we participated in a corporate event, but asking us to attend two times in a row might be pushing it. Perhaps, both parties should meet halfway — bouncing back to the boundaries and mutual respect.

Chameleons or ambiverts?

As a project and operations manager, I shift my gears according to the landscape. The roads might be fast, sometimes there are hills, and some situations are close to a freefall with no parachute. I spend most of my days analysing, scheming, gobbling up data, reports, and making connections, whipping up strategies and dishing out Gannt charts, timelines, graphs and boards. My inner introvert thrives and life is good.

But some days are full of meetings, presentations, conferences and dinners with clients as well as corporate partners. I need some mental makeup, but if planned with enough time (and not too frequently!) I can rock all of these…events. I’m pretty sure people find me warm and likeable, who would ever guess?!..

I had been suggested the idea of being an ambivert and I suppose it fits my professional background. According to Arzt (2023), an ambivert exhibits traits of both introverted and extroverted tendencies and manages to achieve a strong balance between the two.

All in all, maybe the majority of introverts have a chameleon inside them. Most of the work environments are tailored to encourage extroversion. Consequently, most of us are forced to act accordingly. Perhaps it could be said that the majority of working professionals are ambiverts by trade — we couldn’t make it otherwise. After all, this world was designed for the extrovert.

Sources:

1. Arzt, N. What Is an Ambivert? 10 Signs You Might Be One. Choosing Therapy: June, 2023. Retrieved from: https://www.choosingtherapy.com/ambivert/
2. Cain, S. (2013). Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking. Broadway Books.
3. Cain, S., Mone, G. & Moroz, E. (2016). Quiet power: The secret strengths of introverted kids. Puffin Books.
4. Fleeson, W., Malanos, A. B. and Achille, N.M. (2002). An Intraindividual Process Approach to the Relationship Between Extraversion and Positive Affect: Is Acting Extraverted as “Good” as Being Extraverted? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 83(6). 1409–1422.
5. Riccelli, R., Toschi, N., Nigro, S., Terracciano, A. and Passamonti, L. (2017). Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience. 2017 nsw175. Retrieved from https://academic.oup.com/scan/article/doi/10.1093/scan/nsw175/2952683/Surface-based-morphometry-reveals-the.

My scribbles dive into a variety of topics. Yet whether I scribble fantasy or horror, highly opinionated or research-driven pieces, I hope it leaves you with something to ponder: makes you feel better (or worse?..), strikes an inner monologue (hopefully, voiced out in the comments!) or simply gives you something to chew on, inspiring to keep the creative ball rolling.

Thank you for reading!