Summary

The article discusses parenting strategies inspired by Noam Chomsky's political and linguistic theories, suggesting ways to manage a toddler's behavior through setting boundaries, distraction, manufacturing consent, and strategic lying.

Abstract

The article humorously draws parallels between Noam Chomsky's critiques of society and government with parenting techniques for managing a willful toddler. It suggests that by presenting limited choices, parents can maintain control while giving the illusion of freedom, akin to Chomsky's view of democracy under neoliberal capitalism. The piece also advises on using distraction to avert tantrums, similar to how governments might divert attention from scandals. It further explores the concept of manufacturing consent to gain compliance from children, likening it to media propaganda in democratic societies. Lastly, the article touches on the occasional necessity of lying to children, acknowledging its temporary effectiveness but also its ethical considerations.

Opinions

The author implies that Chomsky's theories on democracy and freedom can be humorously adapted to the realm of parenting.
There is a critical view of how governments operate, suggesting they use distraction and propaganda to manipulate public opinion, which is compared to parenting tactics.
The article suggests that while lying can be an effective tool in parenting, it should be used sparingly and with caution, as it is not a sustainable practice.
The author seems to hold a view that children, like citizens, have a capacity for understanding and autonomy that should not be underestimated or overly manipulated.
The piece playfully refers to toddlers as "tiny tyrants," indicating a tongue-in-cheek perspective on the challenges of parenting.
There is an underlying message that despite the imperfections and occasional deceptions in parenting, children's innate ability to acquire language and understanding will help them overcome their parents' shortcomings.

Parenting Techniques Inspired By Noam Chomsky

How the father of modern linguistics can ease your life under a tiny tyrant.

Radical linguist and political gadfly Noam Chomsky can help you raise a willful toddler.

The most important intellectual alive today (according to the New York Times) will likely not babysit your monster. Nor is a book on parenting among his published works. Just like the mainstream media, you too can ignore Chomsky’s criticism of American foreign policy. But his analysis of how governments treat people, distilled into the following guidelines, can ease your life under a tiny tyrant.

Define Boundaries

In a toddler emergency, the Chomsky-inspired parent presents permissible choices while maintaining the illusion of freedom. At bedtime, when your pajamas-clad monkey is attempting to escape, give her two options.

“Would you like to lie on your tummy or your back before I put the blanket on you?” you ask.

No matter how furiously she might be tugging at the bars of her cage — sorry, crib — she will pause, reflect and answer, “Tummy.”

Your victory will be based on Chomsky’s thesis that free societies committed to neoliberal capitalism reduce democracy to a multiple-choice quiz in the form of elections. Larger questions about the structure of the economy or the necessity of bedtime need not be on the spectrum of acceptable debate.

Distract

Are you in the midst of a presidential sex scandal? Fabricate a war!

You might recall that the American bombing of a Sudanese factory came suspiciously close to the Monica Lewinsky scandal. Distraction, according to Chomsky, is a useful technique for population and toddler control.

Your child should be slightly more gullible than the public. Even a highly implausible claim (“Is that Peppa Pig on your scooter?”) can distract from the demand for ice cream. As any astute parent (or statesman) who recognizes the beginning of a toddler meltdown (or great-power skirmish) knows, sometimes a moment is all you need to deflect approaching catastrophe.

Manufacture Consent

Chomsky asserts that, unlike a totalitarian regime, a democracy does not use violence to control its citizens. Instead, it relies on media propaganda to manufacture consent for policies that would otherwise be hard to swallow — like the Vietnam War or the nasty antibiotic you convince your little one to imbibe.

“It’s fine, don’t drink this. Then your throat boo-boo will go to your legs and you won’t be able to walk to the park tomorrow,” you say cheerfully to your anxious tot. Done right, your brilliant use of the domino theory will succeed. Fear usually does.

This technique, though difficult to master, will let you implement unpopular policies such as bedtime and broccoli while keeping the rabble — i.e. your child — in line.

Lie

Kids lose early memories. The Chomsky reader can incorporate childhood amnesia into a toddler-management method, to be used only in the direst of circumstances.

“Wine is like milk for mommy. But it’s bad for little boys and girls,” you proclaim to your suspicious spawn when she demands refreshment during an evening (or morning) wine-and-cheese break. Success! She inhales the Camembert and ignores the Chardonnay.

Even a good lie has a limited shelf life. We now know what Chomsky said all along: Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction. Lying works, but not indefinitely, even for a 2-year-old. Bad parents and governments lie solely to preserve power. Try not being one every once in a while.

*Photo* *by Troileh is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0*

Of course, unless your surname is Hitler or Khan, your little one is probably a feeble sort of tyrant. Odds are, she will fail to invade Poland and her pyramid of skulls will collapse.

But even in the worst case, your liability is limited. Chomsky contends that we are born with the capacity to acquire language, indicating that part of human nature is not putty for propagandists.

Corollary: Relax. Your many failures as a parent will not stifle your child’s spirit.

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