Parenting Doesn’t Come With an Owner’s Manual

Dealing with your child's college burnout.

Just when you think you’ve got it all down, and are preparing to dust yourself off for a job well done, life raises its head and screams, “Oh, no, no, no. You’re not done yet.”

My son’s academic career has been filled with twists and turns. As a “gifted” student, he was faced with unique situations and often placed on an unwanted pedestal.

Mix that with poor health and limited in-person social activity (he’s a cyberspace junkie), his ideals differ from mine.

The life opportunities presented to him have been magical. Limitless scholarship funds, unbelievable networking possibilities, family support, and encouragement. He’s one lucky fella.

When he begrudgingly accepted a full ride to our state’s largest university, I should have been more observant of his actual attitude. There was no excitement about any of it.

He flunked out. He came home for Spring Break. COVID kidnapped our world, and he didn’t return to school.

He became a college dropout with no consideration for a Plan B.

He didn’t do anything.

Nothing but play video games in his room.

For an entire year.

In comes Mom, with a researched pile of educational alternatives. I found two institutions that focused on game design. One is in Florida and the other is in Arizona. After an extensive family discussion, we traveled to Arizona to tour the campus that summer.

University of Advancing Technologies (UAT) in Tempe, Arizona, checked all the boxes and he couldn’t wait to return home to complete applications and financial aid forms. He was quickly accepted, given a scholarship, and absolutely fell in love with everything about the school.

It’s a small (1000 students) private school. The classes are small and the instruction is hands-on. The curriculum focuses solely on gaming.

It’s the perfect match.

His instructors rave about him. He’s instrumental in the campus Warhammer club. He started lifting weights and paying attention to exercise and diet. Because classes don’t begin until after 10 AM and only run Monday-Thursday, he could continue his routine late-night passion for gaming.

I couldn’t imagine a better environment for him.

And then I got the phone call.

At 4:00 on Tuesday, July 11, my son’s phone ring brought a smile to my face. This unexpected contact always makes me happy.

For nearly an hour, I listened to his remorseful crying that he can’t do this anymore. He’s tired. He’s burnt out. He needs a break. He’s not eating. He hates everything. He has no motivation to do anything.

He doesn’t think a diploma is beneficial for him to make a name for himself in the gaming industry.

And his remaining required coursework will be a waste of time and money. Besides, he will probably lose his scholarship.

He already knows “all that stuff.”

He’s SO close to the end of his journey. But he can’t see the value of owning a diploma.

I get it. The diploma is not necessarily a golden ticket, but it DOES represent completion.

He is 2,000 miles away from home and suffers from year-round allergies. Arizona's dry air makes living with severe allergies easier than in the pollen-heavy Appalachia. That’s one reason he chose this school.

He needs help, and it’s nothing I can give him. He agreed to request a conversation with his favorite professor in hopes of some guidance. I will follow up on that with a nightly phone call. I also plan to contact UAT for further assistance. That’s pretty much all I can do from my living room recliner.

So, this post is an earnest plea for help. Any advice is appreciated.

Where are my like-minded sisters in parenthood?

Please, please, please help.

Forever in your debt,

Lisa, Lady With the Cane

Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis six months after the birth of her only child, Lisa A. McCombs relearned the basic skills of walking, feeding herself, and enunciating words. With her son as her muse, Lisa was and is determined to fight the MonSter through her writing, public speaking, and advocacy.

To learn more about MS and its impact on Lisa’s life, check out her most recent book, “Letters to the MonSter”, now available on Amazon.

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