Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

Abstract

rs, spelling books, calculators, etc etc etc.And it changes regularly. They tell you about these changes not in person, or by writing notes, or even by sending a specific email, but somewhere in the middle of a long boring weekly newsletter that they send by email and which you never actually open.Except sometimes (usually on the week that you have in fact read the newsletter) they do tell you by putting a note in your child’s book bag, mixed up with the bundle of beautiful artwork and scrunched up homework and cupcake wrappers from someone’s birthday last week. So obviously the note ends up in the bin. Along with a couple of birthday party invites that you haven’t responded to.Sometimes they have special dress up or non-uniform days. Which you’re supposed to know about because they put it in the newsletter/bookbag/told your 4-year-old.My children have become accustomed to turning up at school wearing the wrong clothes and missing vital equipment on a regular basis. I hope that it’s good for resilience. Or something.Oh, and then there are the permission slips for trips and stuff and other miscellaneous requests. These go in the book bag too, only to be discovered a week later when they come home crying because they didn’t have £1 in an envelope for a cake sale.More guilt.<h1 id="8e34">3. It’s not just your kids you need to deal with</h1>My kids are great. They know me, they love me. They don’t judge me for what I’m wearing or how clean I keep the house. They eat what I feed them (most of the time). They don’t require me to make conversation (they’re quite happy just to talk at me most of the time). They (mostly) do what I tell them, or are at least open to negotiation. We have an understanding.But my kids have friends. Who have parents.The older they get, the worse this becomes. Once they hit pre-school age, they’re going to want to attend, and worse, host, play dates and birthday parties.People expect you to know what you’re doing more than 2 hours in advance and make arrangements for the future. Like with diaries.In order to arrange these things, you need to interact with parents. Respond to invites, send invites, make arrangements, remember that you’ve made arrangements, leave on time to stick to arrangements. It never ends. Sometimes you even need to phone people. They even come to your house.There is no guarantee that your child will choose friends who have parents with whom you have anything in common at all. But you’re going to spend a lot of time with them over the next few years anyway. And a child who vocally disapproves of the mess in the living room and constantly tells you how much bigger his garden is and refuses to eat anything other than rice and mayonnaise is going to spend every weekend in your house. You will never be alone again.<h1 id="b70b">4. So many birthday parties</h1>At this age, every kid invites every kid in the class to their party. So there is at least one virtually every weekend during term-time.Invites get put in your child’s book bag. So you won’t see them until 2 days before the party when you then need to message the parent and apologise profusely an

Options

d hope that the numbers for the venue haven’t been finalised so that your child (who is now super excited because they’ve just seen the invite) will be able to go.If you go to a birthday party, you need to take a present and a card. Which means you need to not only remember when and where the party is but also remember to leave in enough time to buy a present and a card. Top tip: keep a couple of pens and a roll of sellotape in the car at all times.You can’t drop and leave a 3-year-old at a birthday party. No, you’re going to have to stay and supervise until they’re at least 7 or 8. Which means small talk to other parents over crisps and sausage rolls for at least 2 hours.And when it’s your kid’s party it's even worse. You need to pick a date that 3 other kids in the class haven’t already sent an invite for, book a venue which your child actually wants to go to, and send invites to everyone in the class. Spoiler — it doesn’t work if you try and do this a week before their birthday.Then once you’ve managed to actually pick a date and secure a venue with enough time to send invites, you then need to deal with all the responses to all the invites (half of them won’t rsvp so you’ll need to chase them), keep track of numbers, and manage the venue booking.Then there’s the food. And the party bags. And then you need to talk to people all fucking day. Whilst being full of the fun of the party and making sure your child has a fabulous time.<h1 id="ec2e">5. There’s SO MUCH STUFF</h1>I’m far from a minimalist, but damn, my kids are hoarders.You can’t expect a child to tidy up unless there are really clear places to put things. Which requires things to be organised so that everything has a place. Spoiler — it's not. And anyway, I don’t have much credibility to enforce anything on the organisation front.So there is stuff everywhere. Mostly paper and other forms of stationery. Homework sheets and artwork and colouring pages. Approximately 12,468 felt tips pens of which 63% are dried out. Toys. Pieces of toys. Craft projects. Precious items like rocks. Hairbands and accessories. Discarded clothing. Odd socks. None of it has a home and I have no idea where to put it.I like to think the house will be tidy when they’ve all left home, but I know that it won’t (and I’d be sad if it was).<h2 id="c11b">But there are some benefits (I think) to having a parent like me</h2>Frustrating as I’m sure it must be at times to grow up with a parent so poorly suited to manage the organisational and social requirements of parenting, my children have handled it remarkably well, and grown into awesome little (and not so little) people anyway.I may not have thought about these aspects of parenting before having children, but we muddle through it all together as best we can. And I guess that’s all any parent can ever do. They’ve learnt to be independent and take responsibility for making things happen, and we’ve all learnt to check schedules (which are taped to the back of the front door) and book bags more often. Most of the time.I will probably never enjoy the small talk at a birthday party, but it’s worth every single cringing minute.</article></body>

Parenting as an Introvert with ADHD

Five things I never thought about before I had children

There are many things about parenting which you can never truly know or understand until you have children of your own. How much your life will really change. How true sleep deprivation feels. How you’ll long for a chance to use the bathroom alone. And then cry the first time you do.

But there are some things that don’t seem to be in any of the parenting books, and that no-one really warns you about at all. Yet they have had the biggest impact on my life and the way I am able to parent my children.

1. They want to touch you ALL the time

Babies and children have no concept of personal space. Zero. For approximately the first 10 years of their lives, they’re gonna want to be actually physically attached to you.

And holding their hand isn’t enough. They want to be lying on top of you, putting their hands up your shirt, sitting on your knee, being carried, being cuddled, engaging in physical play etc. etc. They don’t understand boundaries, and you can’t say no.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with any of this. It’s perfectly natural and understandable given they’ve spent their entire existence pre-birth physically attached to you. All of the modern research and parenting advice confirms this and encourages babywearing, co-sleeping and breastfeeding. Which is all wonderful. Until it isn’t.

Being “touched out” is a real thing. I think all parents struggle with this to a degree, but for someone who has a high need for their own space, it can be really tough to deal with. And it can also massively impact your capacity to be touched by or intimate with your partner.

It can be really difficult to admit this or ask for help. Saying “I just can’t bear to touch them any more” feels so horrible. It goes against everything you’ve been told you should do and be as a parent.

Not on this list, but definitely something I was ill-prepared for as a parent, is feeling guilty ALL the time.

2. There’s SO MUCH stuff to organise

You thought you’d just about got your head around packing a changing bag. Remembering the nappies, snacks, books, toys, change of clothes at least 75% of the times you need them. You’ve only had to purchase clean clothes on an emergency basis twice in the last month.

And then they start school.

What they don’t tell you is that a 4 yo has the most complicated schedule you can imagine. They require a different combination of bags and equipment to be taken to school every single day on a 2 weekly rota. Swimming kit, PE kit, outdoor games, football, wellies, dance, and various other after school clubs in various permutations.

Plus they need water bottles, 3 kinds of shoes, pencil cases, reading records, reading books, homework folders, spelling books, calculators, etc etc etc.

And it changes regularly. They tell you about these changes not in person, or by writing notes, or even by sending a specific email, but somewhere in the middle of a long boring weekly newsletter that they send by email and which you never actually open.

Except sometimes (usually on the week that you have in fact read the newsletter) they do tell you by putting a note in your child’s book bag, mixed up with the bundle of beautiful artwork and scrunched up homework and cupcake wrappers from someone’s birthday last week. So obviously the note ends up in the bin. Along with a couple of birthday party invites that you haven’t responded to.

Sometimes they have special dress up or non-uniform days. Which you’re supposed to know about because they put it in the newsletter/bookbag/told your 4-year-old.

My children have become accustomed to turning up at school wearing the wrong clothes and missing vital equipment on a regular basis. I hope that it’s good for resilience. Or something.

Oh, and then there are the permission slips for trips and stuff and other miscellaneous requests. These go in the book bag too, only to be discovered a week later when they come home crying because they didn’t have £1 in an envelope for a cake sale.

More guilt.

3. It’s not just your kids you need to deal with

My kids are great. They know me, they love me. They don’t judge me for what I’m wearing or how clean I keep the house. They eat what I feed them (most of the time). They don’t require me to make conversation (they’re quite happy just to talk at me most of the time). They (mostly) do what I tell them, or are at least open to negotiation. We have an understanding.

But my kids have friends. Who have parents.

The older they get, the worse this becomes. Once they hit pre-school age, they’re going to want to attend, and worse, host, play dates and birthday parties.

People expect you to know what you’re doing more than 2 hours in advance and make arrangements for the future. Like with diaries.

In order to arrange these things, you need to interact with parents. Respond to invites, send invites, make arrangements, remember that you’ve made arrangements, leave on time to stick to arrangements. It never ends. Sometimes you even need to phone people. They even come to your house.

There is no guarantee that your child will choose friends who have parents with whom you have anything in common at all. But you’re going to spend a lot of time with them over the next few years anyway. And a child who vocally disapproves of the mess in the living room and constantly tells you how much bigger his garden is and refuses to eat anything other than rice and mayonnaise is going to spend every weekend in your house. You will never be alone again.

4. So many birthday parties

At this age, every kid invites every kid in the class to their party. So there is at least one virtually every weekend during term-time.

Invites get put in your child’s book bag. So you won’t see them until 2 days before the party when you then need to message the parent and apologise profusely and hope that the numbers for the venue haven’t been finalised so that your child (who is now super excited because they’ve just seen the invite) will be able to go.

If you go to a birthday party, you need to take a present and a card. Which means you need to not only remember when and where the party is but also remember to leave in enough time to buy a present and a card. Top tip: keep a couple of pens and a roll of sellotape in the car at all times.

You can’t drop and leave a 3-year-old at a birthday party. No, you’re going to have to stay and supervise until they’re at least 7 or 8. Which means small talk to other parents over crisps and sausage rolls for at least 2 hours.

And when it’s your kid’s party it's even worse. You need to pick a date that 3 other kids in the class haven’t already sent an invite for, book a venue which your child actually wants to go to, and send invites to everyone in the class. Spoiler — it doesn’t work if you try and do this a week before their birthday.

Then once you’ve managed to actually pick a date and secure a venue with enough time to send invites, you then need to deal with all the responses to all the invites (half of them won’t rsvp so you’ll need to chase them), keep track of numbers, and manage the venue booking.

Then there’s the food. And the party bags. And then you need to talk to people all fucking day. Whilst being full of the fun of the party and making sure your child has a fabulous time.

5. There’s SO MUCH STUFF

I’m far from a minimalist, but damn, my kids are hoarders.

You can’t expect a child to tidy up unless there are really clear places to put things. Which requires things to be organised so that everything has a place. Spoiler — it's not. And anyway, I don’t have much credibility to enforce anything on the organisation front.

So there is stuff everywhere. Mostly paper and other forms of stationery. Homework sheets and artwork and colouring pages. Approximately 12,468 felt tips pens of which 63% are dried out. Toys. Pieces of toys. Craft projects. Precious items like rocks. Hairbands and accessories. Discarded clothing. Odd socks. None of it has a home and I have no idea where to put it.

I like to think the house will be tidy when they’ve all left home, but I know that it won’t (and I’d be sad if it was).

But there are some benefits (I think) to having a parent like me

Frustrating as I’m sure it must be at times to grow up with a parent so poorly suited to manage the organisational and social requirements of parenting, my children have handled it remarkably well, and grown into awesome little (and not so little) people anyway.

I may not have thought about these aspects of parenting before having children, but we muddle through it all together as best we can. And I guess that’s all any parent can ever do. They’ve learnt to be independent and take responsibility for making things happen, and we’ve all learnt to check schedules (which are taped to the back of the front door) and book bags more often. Most of the time.

I will probably never enjoy the small talk at a birthday party, but it’s worth every single cringing minute.