CRITICISM

Pardon Me, But There Is A Fly In My Soup

The value of criticism and the futility of complaining

Years ago, I met this fascinating guy named Gustavo Serbia. At the time, he was in charge of employee training for Mandarin Oriental New York, one of the finest hotels in the world. He was the first one to explain to me the difference between a difficult customer and a discerning one. An entry-level room at the Mandarin is over $700 a night, so one might expect that everyone there is discerning, but that’s not the case.

According to Gustavo, the difficult customer just wants to complain, for whatever personal reasons they might have. Sometimes it’s a power trip, other times they want something for free and they’ve discovered this is one way to get it, or maybe they’re just miserable and enjoy taking it out on others. Either way, you can’t please a difficult customer; you can only placate them. In terms of guest value, they’re not worth the trouble.

A discerning customer, on the other hand, is someone who likes your brand, but for whatever reason is unsatisfied. They have high expectations, and they believe it is within your power to meet or exceed those expectations. They are simply alerting you to the gap between what they were expecting and what they are experiencing, in the hope that you can remedy the situation. If successful, they’ve helped you improve their experience, thereby improving your brand, and creating a loyal customer. It’s a win-win-win.

You want discerning customers. The difficult ones, you’re better off without. It’s your job to figure out who is who. Nothing is more important in the world of hospitality than catering to and developing relationships with anyone who desires to improve your brand. This should always be your goal. It’s the loyal customers who care.

You want discerning customers. The difficult ones, you’re better off without.

Complaining Versus Criticizing

You might say that a difficult person is complaining, while a discerning customer is offering criticism. Criticism puts attention on the thing or person being criticized, whereas complaining puts attention on the person complaining. When you criticize something, you’re saying, here’s what’s wrong with your product or service, but when you complain, you’re saying, I’m not happy.

There is nothing inherently wrong with complaining about something. We all voice our displeasure concerning various aspects of life, from products and services, to people and experiences. Maybe it’s relayed to a spouse, friend, or neighbor. Maybe it’s a post on social media. Maybe it’s graffiti on the side of a bathroom stall. You’re actively saying, “I’m not happy about this.” It’s a natural, emotional response, and it can be healthy to let it out, depending on how you do it, of course. Maybe skip the graffiti part.

But if you have any interest or desire in seeing the object of your aggravation changed for the better, then you had better find a way to help the provider make that change. Merely complaining about it will unlikely get you the desired result. They may placate you, in order to get you to go away, but they won’t remedy the problem unless they view you as being in on the effort to protect and improve their brand.

A Salty Dining Experience

Years ago, I was dining in the new restaurant of a five-star hotel in a major city. The chef was a minor celebrity, having appeared on one of the Top Chef series on television. The opening of the restaurant followed a rather significant renovation of the hotel, which was housed inside of a historic building in an old East Coast city. Suffice it to say, there was quite a bit of hype about the opening of this restaurant.

I had clients who had flown into town for a meeting and dinner. We had placed them in this hotel and arranged to have a nice dinner with some of our staff. All told, we were probably eight or ten people at the table, so not an insignificant bill for the night. I was ordering the wine, which was both good and expensive, and we kept it flowing. Unfortunately, it was not a great experience.

Our waiter did not seem interested in being there and appeared to think that it was his job to get us out of the restaurant as quickly as possible. We were a nuisance, or so it seemed.

There wasn’t one single thing that happened, but a number of things that ranged from the food to the service. One of our staff had ordered the chicken, and it had been so over-brined that it was nearly inedible. I had ordered a New York strip, and when receiving a filet mignon, I explained to the waiter that someone had made a mistake, that I had ordered the strip.

“No, you didn’t,” he told me. “I have it written down that you ordered a filet mignon.”

“Well, that’s not possible,” I explained. “Because I never order filet. I don’t like filet. I would never order a filet, not even by accident. Regardless, what I’m telling you, is that I ordered a NY strip, and that’s what I would like.”

He seemed put out, but he reluctantly agreed.

There were a few other complaints about various dishes from our group, but I don’t remember what they were specifically. Near the end of our meal, we were still enjoying our wine, and talking when the waiter approached and asked if we needed anything else.

“How about coffee and dessert?” the account executive for our agency asked.

“Sure,” said the waiter who went to get menus.

We all just sort of looked at one another. Anyone who knows anything about the hospitality industry knows that adding coffee, after-dinner drinks, and desserts is a great way to pump up the bill. Who would leave that money lying on the table? Not to mention, he was just tanking our entire experience.

We finished the meal. I paid the check, tipping him 20%. Then as we were leaving, I asked to speak to the manager. He came over as everyone was getting up and saying their goodbyes. I told him I needed to see my clients out, but I would be staying behind to have a drink with them in the lobby bar just outside the restaurant. If he could come over, I wished to have a word with him.

A little empathy goes a long way when you’re complaining to a busy restaurant worker.

Ten minutes later, I had gotten my clients comfortable at a table in the lobby and ordered drinks. The manager came over, and I took him to a table nearby. I explained that I was a big fan of the hotel. I had put my clients here and was, in fact, staying here myself. I was thrilled that they had upgraded the restaurant and hoped to continue to bring clients here.

And then I told him about our recent experience, point by point and blow by blow. I explained to him that I had no interest in a discount on the bill, a free meal, or any other compensation. I wasn’t looking for anything from him but to improve the experience so that I could continue to come back in good conscience.

He was very grateful for the conversation. He admitted to having a problem with the over-brining before, as well as to a few other snafus. I explained that everyone in our group dined out a lot, throughout the country and the world, and were all very experienced. We understood the growing pains of a new restaurant and did not wish to be overly judgmental. But if they didn’t know what was wrong, how could they fix it?

My intention was not to express my unhappiness with the meal but to illustrate the ways in which they had failed in the hope that they would improve and do better in the future. My alternative, of course, would have been to leave, never come back, and tell everyone I know not to go. That’s what a lot of people do. Or they bitch to the waiter, who frankly, probably doesn’t care if you come back or not.

Strive To Be A Discerning Customer

I have no interest in mediocrity and no cause to reward bad behavior. I don’t believe in accommodating businesses simply because they decided to open their doors. I want them to earn my trust, as well as my business. If they’re new, they will have growing pains, and they won’t do everything correctly from the start.

I had a business partner that used to say that no one wants to be known for making up for their mistakes, but that how you deal with your mistakes says a lot more about you than how you deal with customer approval. Failure is always a much better teacher than success. We learn very little by winning.

I have one more restaurant story.

I was having lunch, by myself, at the bar, as was my custom. I used to eat lunch out five days a week. I brought my laptop or iPad, and I would eat and work. These were long lunches by corporate standards, but I used it as a way to get out of the office. Some people work in coffee shops. I preferred a restaurant bar.

On this particular day, the service was so appalling that I looked for a feedback option on the company’s website. This was a small chain, and indeed they had a feedback button. I clicked it and proceeded to record my experience in real-time, with actual time stamps to indicate how long things were taking and what transpired.

I gave them my usual message of not being interested in a free dessert or appetizer. I didn’t want them to comp my meal. I liked coming here, and I wanted them to fix their most obvious issues. When I was done, I realized that they were not going to allow me to submit my feedback anonymously. They wanted my name, phone, and email. I did not want the staff at the restaurant to know what I had written. I sighed and thought, “Well, let’s hope for the best,” and hit send.

Later that evening, as I was driving home, my phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize, so I let it go. A few minutes later, I got another call from the same number, so on a whim, I answered it.

It was a guy from the restaurant that I had written to. Only it wasn’t just any guy. It was the CEO and founder of the entire chain. He explained that all feedback came directly to him.

“How else will I know what’s going on in my restaurants,” he explained.

We talked for about a half-hour, and he said he was going to reach out to me and copy his marketing guy, blah, blah, blah. But he did email me from his personal email address and thanked me for taking the time to give them feedback. I responded and asked him if he ever visited the area, that I would like to take him to lunch. My treat. I explained that he seemed like an interesting guy, and it would be my pleasure to treat him to lunch so I could pick his brain. He agreed.

In the end, he picked a competing restaurant nearby, got there massively early, and paid the check before I even got there. We did have a nice lunch, and he was a fascinating guy. He worked hard to solve the problems at that location, which entailed replacing most of the management, and a good bit of the staff. The experience improved remarkably.

We all have complaints from time to time, and that’s okay. Sometimes we need to express our displeasure and tell those around us that we are not being made happy by one thing or another. But when it comes to criticism that you hope to be constructive, you have to take a different tack.

Learn to be a discerning customer. Be thoughtful about your response when you don’t get the service you had hoped for or a product that doesn’t perform as advertised. Keep in mind things like context. You don’t expect the same level of service from McDonald’s as you do from Capitol Grille, so don’t complain about surly service from the guy slinging pizza slices on the boardwalk unless it’s out of character for a pizza joint on the boardwalk.

Think about what it is that is bothering you, how you might act differently if you were in charge, how easily could someone fix the problem, and what’s the kindest way to express your displeasure. A little empathy goes a long way when you’re complaining to a busy restaurant worker. Keep it simple. Ask them to correct their mistake. Help them, help you.

If you do need to speak to the manager, take compensation out of the equation unless absolutely necessary. It’s better to isolate a service or product issue if they don’t believe you have ulterior motives. Be calm, kind, compassionate, but demanding.

On the flip side, be on the lookout for discerning customers in your own sphere. How do you handle complaints from co-workers, clients, or suppliers? Do you get defensive, or do you try to help them? Understanding the difference between someone who is being difficult versus someone who is discerning can be critical to you improving their experience with you.

If you’re unhappy with a product or service, don’t make it personal; make it constructive. Everyone will get more out of it, and you’ll be a happier person.