Pangri-La!

Five lessons from the lockdown we must never forget

These five weeks of lockdown been the happiest days of my life — I know that sounds awful, trust me. But they really have been so much less stressful and exhausting that the previous “life on the go” that I lived. Have they been heaven, or as my wife dubs it, Pangri-La?

No, of course not. Nobody dies in heaven, or in Shangri-La.

Nevertheless, there have been some decidedly positive aspects of our national tragedy. It would be doubly tragic for us we forget these lessons learned after the pandemic.

Thus I am writing this article, and I apologize to all those who have lost loved ones if this seems somehow glib, because it is not meant in the spirit of glibness — it is meant in the spirit of earnestly hoping that those who have perished will be remembered in our improvement, and that our life afterwards will be a testament to the grave lessons learned.

1. Live each day as if it be your last

That was a nice idea before — but now it’s a reality.

I am acutely aware now that this very article I am writing might be soon read at my memorial service. Everything is potential funeral material. I want to write things that will be fondly remembered. I want to write things that will reflect my identity.

Like this thing — which dares to be slightly offensive in the interest of enlightenment. I do want to be remembered as that person who dared that.

The pandemic has scared the shit out of me, in other words. Before, I suppose I thought I would live forever. Now…not so much. I am acutely aware that even if I don’t get shoved into an ICU and my family will be unable to be with me, no matter what, I am going to at one point leave this fair earth — utterly alone.

Nobody can die for you. It’s what we must do for ourselves.

I read today another absolutely heartbreaking story of a family dealing with a sick COVID-19 relative, on the brink of death, ventilated, and without hope. There have been two of these stories that have brought me to tears, about Jim Bello in Massachusetts, who ultimately makes it, and this one, about a husband in Michigan, who was not so lucky.

These stories are unbearably sad and frightening because every man my age — fifties and above — knows that he could be next. Even men younger are afraid. In fact, now that I think about it, Jim Bello is only 49. And yes, I’m being gender biased here because I have every right to be — men are dying more than women, it’s a fact.

In the middle of such a global human tragedy — how, then, can I feel so happy? That I would even consider writing this article — entitled Pangrila — about my own overjoyed mental state as a result of this quarantine, makes me a little worried. Do I have a screw loose? Am I missing the empathy gene?

No. That leads me to number two.

2. Don’t worry, be happy

It has never been socially acceptable to be too happy — but don’t worry about that.

We’re not allowed to appear too miserable either. I understand. People who are too miserable are depressing, and people who are too happy are annoying.

So we are kind of forced by social nicety to roam around in a neutral state.

Fuck that!

Yes, it’s bad taste to appear too happy right now while so many are suffering. But just between you and me, this feeling of Pangri-La is not just a concept. I feel more happy blood flowing through my veins and my brain than ever before, and much less irritation and stress.

I am taking the lid off my socially acceptable level of happiness and allowing myself to smile deep smiles of contentment and no, I am not ashamed. See point number one — I might be dead tomorrow.

No, I don’t feel ashamed of my happiness. I might be intubated in a few months. I am not sorry that I am getting to enjoy my precious family for these days of corona. Not sorry at all.

(Let me take a side note to the “woke” cancel culture trolls who are going to post in the comments right here about my privilege and so on, because it’s easy for me to say, but poor people etcetera…

I am still not ashamed, sorry. Your attempt to shame me is said — that you would waste your days in such a futile effort! It is not wrong to feel peace.)

3. Slow down and take it easy.

I was just out in the garden all morning finishing the raised beds project with my wife. We planted the tomatoes, peppers and squash in a brand new French garden at the back of our property — Pangri-La!

My wife is usually away at work and I am usually out in the garden alone, making lots of bad gardening decisions. Not any more. She’s been at home helping me and my daughter has been digging around back there with us — as has our little dog.

I’ve also had time to play some music with my 18-year-old daughter. We do only folk covers of 80s Brit synth pop like “Take On Me.” She on the uke singing and me trying to duplicate synthesizer parts on the folk guitar. It’s amazing! That never would have happened without the lockdown.

My son, I have already written about him here — he’s been in his own Pangri-La in his room, on the X-box with his friends hooting and hollering for the past month — never seen him happier.

Tonight I want to try making a loquat parfait — our loquat tree is in full bloom — and beautiful yellow and green parakeets come and feast on the fruit every couple of days.

Pangri-La!

I am teaching from my bed. No more commute. No more trudging across campus. I like teaching on Zoom. When I ask a question, I get twenty answers immediately on the chat. No more calling on one person. Suddenly every student is participating in the discussion.

Pangri-La!

It’s been pretty, pretty, good, as Larry David/George would say.

Yes, this pandemic might kill me — I’m actually at risk, being fat. And I apologize if you have lost a loved one — this must seem awfully base of me, to admit how much good I’ve been feeling. But if I am going to die during the Second Wave of this nightmare, I want to formally announce ONE MORE TIME FOR ALL TO HEAR — I have reached the summit of domestic bliss here in my private Pangri-La. I have known true happiness.

Admitting this truth might be slightly offensive, but it’s meant in a spirit of communal uplifting. We’ve all been so moany — oh the pandemic, oh no sports, oh no Hollywood Bowl this summer, oh this, oh that.

No job, for instance.

Well, that does kind of suck. My wife’s business has gone completely into the toilet. We might not be able to make it on my salary as an adjunct professor. If social distancing remains in place for more than a year, as some are suggesting, we are in trouble. We will not be able to pay our mortgage — we have enough savings for a year, thank God. But after that, we will lose our house, this wonderful place where we were just out gardening.

That’s probably not going to happen, though. I’m optimistic. This Pangri-La I’ve been living in has made me very optimistic.

4. The treadmill was all in our minds.

A version of this, I suppose, was put forth in the 60s with its “Turn on, tune in, drop out” mantra.

But then that idea was cast aside and the good ole American work ethic came roaring back in the 80s, followed by another brief period of relief from the idea of constantly trying to prove your own worth with the Gen X slacker motif. Of course, the slacker was never real — people were always aspiring and busting their asses doing so. Then with the advent of the iPhone the idea of relief from the need to prove oneself was put to bed forever.

We have spent the last thirteen years or so trying to live a Social Media worthy version of ourselves and it was exhausting — all that image crafting and hustling to the next great “experience.”

We experienced nothing.

Only now, when there is no more pressure to go out there and get the next great selfie of yourself doing the next great thing are we finally relieved from the pressure to perform.

The pressure to keep circling around this treadmill like a mule, making loadsa money, having loadsa fun, and putting it all on Insta.

Yeah, that’s done now.

And we feel great. To not have to go so some acquaintance’s crappy birthday — what a treat!

When there is nowhere to go because everything is closed and everyone is locked down, you begin after a few weeks to notice it’s kind of a relief not to constantly have to do things — to attend some kind of hyped event, to participate in some kind of circus or another.

The circus has left town, and it is so calming to the nerves.

But don’t worry, the circus will be back, with the pressure to fill our days with “epic” adventures and “awesome” times.

Let’s try to remember — we now know what is truly epic and truly awesome — chilling with the people closest to us. At home!

5. We have nothing to prove

Let’s look at the definition of Shangri-La, the original paradise. I remember seeing this tremendous film Lost Horizons when I was younger. There is a plane crash in the mountains, and the survivors are taken by these Himalayan people through an opening in the mountain to a place called Shangri-La — paradise. The greatest thing about this paradise, of course, is you never grow old there.

Our main character falls in love with a beautiful young woman, and tries to take her away from Shangri-La at the end, but she ages suddenly as they get back to reality. She becomes a hideous old crone and then dies, I think. I will have to check that.

I feel like I might age suddenly when this pandemic ends. Time has been frozen here. I rarely know what day it is. I just meander through my day…

I’m sorry. I know. I know. Many, many people are suffering.

And I’m happy.

Being sorry and happy at the same time is not only possible, it is in fact a characteristic of wisdom.

I don’t have to prove to you that I have the requisite level of sorrow for the pandemic. I don’t have anything to prove to anyone about anything.

I am maybe for the first time in decades, finally just being myself, instead of “doing” myself.

I’ve been doing stuff, don’t get me wrong. I’ve continued teaching and I’ve been doing a bit of writing like this.

But I’ve been “not-doing” a lot more than usual. And it feels good, to practice this art.

The Tao of corona.

Pangri-La.

It’s a monastic life.

And we are monks living the enlightened life.

Pray we not forget the important lessons of this monasticism!