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Abstract

/p><p id="58d7">I know that I can get there</p><p id="4c38"><i>But it hurts</i></p><p id="2c1e">Everything hurts when you’re trying to be better Than who you are now</p><h2 id="5a97">After All</h2><p id="deb7">And after all is said and done I can’t make you see A change of heart Can’t be my responsibility But I can’t help myself I have to try Forever listing the reasons why</p><p id="6cc5"><i>December 2021</i></p><h2 id="4cd3">To say goodbye</h2><p id="452f">To say goodbye When I didn’t know I had to Is the hardest thing to do</p><p id="cdc8">On my worst days <i>I wish I never met you </i>And on my best days <i>I remember our good times</i></p><p id="1f4d">To love and to hurt And to fall in and out of it again To feel and to hope And to fall in and out of it again</p><p id="f3e4"><i>Memories</i> they haunt me <i>Memories</i> they always haunt me</p><p id="604e">Falling asleep to visions of you Waking up to a deep regret And a sadness that consumes me My well It runs deep And through it all Is the course to overcome</p><p id="c963">To go through hell and back To realize who I always become When the storm dies down</p><p id="2149">Stronger <b>Stronger</b> <b><i>I’m stronger</i></b></p><p id="4d52"><i>With or without you</i></p><p id="f5f3">If only you knew If only you knew <b>If only you knew.</b></p><p id="26b4">Goodbye is not always forever <i>But the hurt is </i>The scars the badge of honor To wear on my sleeves</p><p id="0e88">I will always do what I have to <i>I don’t know anything else</i></p><p id="94fa">So even though I don’t want to</p><p id="1f44">This is my goodbye to you</p><h2 id="177d">Admission</h2><p id="c862">You don’t want to admit our love Because admission means obligation Admission means responsibility <b><i>Admission means you have to accept that you hurt me</i></b></p><h2 id="bba9">So instead lie to me</h2><p id="d7a3">That the breeze we felt by the water together Means nothing to you That matching our steps as we moved about the world Put us in the wrong direction Down a path That you never wanted to go down</p><h2 id="49df">Make it harder</h2><p id="2d20">To mourn the loss of us So I can be angry at you And you can keep your distance <b><i>To be alone </i></b>Just like you say you’ve always wanted</p><p id="b454">To have absolute conviction for all the wrong reasons A resolve unchanged through all its seasons</p><p id="1451"><b><i>And yet I still miss you</i></b><i> </i>And deep down you know You miss me too</p><p id="7f99"><i>But instead.</i></p><p id="8997">We’ll choose <b>silence</b> to drown out our admission To fall out of love Until it’s devoid of recognition</p><p id="0f97"><i>If you liked reading this, you can support my work by becoming a Medium member through my referral link:</i></p><div id="4acd" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/@jilliansomera/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link — Jillian

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Somera</h2> <div><h3>As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*jR3Gdpn6JRHWwMvq)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="4b31"><i>You can also find the some of my other stories here:</i></p><div id="4ddf" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/about-me-jillian-somera-955d0458600f"> <div> <div> <h2>About Me — Jillian Somera</h2> <div><h3>Artist trapped in a perpetual glass case of emotions</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*nmTG39J2TH1SzL0lVEpIsw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="a93e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/rejecting-my-imposter-syndrome-de0618f48563"> <div> <div> <h2>Rejecting My Imposter Syndrome</h2> <div><h3>New year, new habits</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*G6AINPxJrHzBhvgWFk06xQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="eb55" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/timeless-life-lessons-572033d29047"> <div> <div> <h2>Timeless Life Lessons</h2> <div><h3>New Year’s reflections from the archive in my mind</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*j8VUs8fT93iqtBZwt09HXg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="463a" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/25-things-i-do-for-self-care-on-a-regular-basis-b444b02c97c3"> <div> <div> <h2>25 Things I Do For Self Care On a Regular Basis</h2> <div><h3>A photo and video journal</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*EiCUPAM3NbjcDt7c12XxsA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="0c0f"><b>And don’t forget to hold down that applause button and max it out to 50 claps!</b></p></article></body>

Pandemic Poetry: A Collection

Processing, hurting, and healing

This post marks the first time that I’ve ever shared my poetry in a public space.

Writing on Medium these last 3 months has made me realize the power of sharing some of my deepest insecurities and its role in helping me to heal and become stronger than my trauma.

I often write poetry when I’m grieving the loss of something, whether it was someone that I loved, a risk I took that didn’t pan out, or a desperate longing for my old life, when we were able to move about much more freely in a pre-pandemic world.

But adaptation is the very demonstration of resilience.

To me, poetry is my attempt to put words to that personal journey, to take you down a road less traveled.

“I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”

— Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

I can only hope to present it to you with eloquence, striving for humility, beauty, and grace.

Me on a boat capturing the Chicago skyline pre-pandemic

October 2020

Destiny

Never ready for the wave The ebb and flow Crash into me Take it in Take it all in

Rush into What I don’t know What I can’t fathom Where I said I wouldn’t go

But the calling It pulls you in So compelling Enticing

Can I be brave? Can I be bold? Courage could be The madness that makes me fold

Darker Further into the night Now we’re in the throes Destiny in flight

I can’t escape I can’t escape I can’t escape

November 2020

Madness

My mind goes In a million directions So much to do See Learn But can I listen? To make everything fall away And get to the heart Of what matters most

I struggled a lot Losing touch Control of my emotions

Can I let go Can I let go Can I let go?

Can I be who I want and everything more

Can I be there for you?

I don’t know

Wanting to shed the skin Of self-doubt Of self-loathing And turning rejection Onto myself

I know that I can get there

But it hurts

Everything hurts when you’re trying to be better Than who you are now

After All

And after all is said and done I can’t make you see A change of heart Can’t be my responsibility But I can’t help myself I have to try Forever listing the reasons why

December 2021

To say goodbye

To say goodbye When I didn’t know I had to Is the hardest thing to do

On my worst days I wish I never met you And on my best days I remember our good times

To love and to hurt And to fall in and out of it again To feel and to hope And to fall in and out of it again

Memories they haunt me Memories they always haunt me

Falling asleep to visions of you Waking up to a deep regret And a sadness that consumes me My well It runs deep And through it all Is the course to overcome

To go through hell and back To realize who I always become When the storm dies down

Stronger Stronger I’m stronger

With or without you

If only you knew If only you knew If only you knew.

Goodbye is not always forever But the hurt is The scars the badge of honor To wear on my sleeves

I will always do what I have to I don’t know anything else

So even though I don’t want to

This is my goodbye to you

Admission

You don’t want to admit our love Because admission means obligation Admission means responsibility Admission means you have to accept that you hurt me

So instead lie to me

That the breeze we felt by the water together Means nothing to you That matching our steps as we moved about the world Put us in the wrong direction Down a path That you never wanted to go down

Make it harder

To mourn the loss of us So I can be angry at you And you can keep your distance To be alone Just like you say you’ve always wanted

To have absolute conviction for all the wrong reasons A resolve unchanged through all its seasons

And yet I still miss you And deep down you know You miss me too

But instead.

We’ll choose silence to drown out our admission To fall out of love Until it’s devoid of recognition

If you liked reading this, you can support my work by becoming a Medium member through my referral link:

Join Medium with my referral link — Jillian Somera

As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…

medium.com

You can also find the some of my other stories here:

About Me — Jillian Somera

Artist trapped in a perpetual glass case of emotions

medium.com

Rejecting My Imposter Syndrome

New year, new habits

medium.com

Timeless Life Lessons

New Year’s reflections from the archive in my mind

medium.com

25 Things I Do For Self Care On a Regular Basis

A photo and video journal

medium.com

And don’t forget to hold down that applause button and max it out to 50 claps!